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Pubs Jokes

ahh British pubs

Woman goes into a pub

Orders a double entendre





So the barman gives her one.

Why don't criminals hang out in front of pubs?

Because they usually end up behind bars.

Why do people named Bart avoid pubs?

They’re all scared of the bartender.

Why Irish pubs are the best

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When the pubs reopen.

There will be some tight bastard.

That remembers who bought the last round of drinks!!!!

The sooner Pubs are open the better.

This drinking at home is getting out of hand.


Last night I nearly asked my wife for her phone number..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.

"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."

"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" an...

A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub

She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. The woman seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.   “Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.  

“Actually, no,” ...

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