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A horse walks into a bar

The bar tender says, "sorry, we don't serve horses here." The horse protests, "but I'm not a horse!" To which the bartender responds, "why the fuck would you take horse dewormer if you're not a horse?!"

A year after historic protests...

white, anti-vax Republicans are finally saying “I can’t breathe”.

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Ear sex

Husband tells his wife of 20 yrs to get ready because that night they're doing it in the ear. She protests thats crazy and she'll end up deaf. He replies that's nonsense because despite all the BJ's she never shuts the fuck up

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Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

Why do the police always get to the protests early?

To beat the crowd

We're Sergeants Now!

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Jasper. "We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm ...

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

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One day, a recently married man goes to the attic of his new home to put a few things in storage.

While he is there, he notices a large steamer trunk sitting in the corner. When he tries to open it, he finds it is locked. Puzzled and curious, he calls his new bride up to the attic and asks her about the trunk.

She tells him that it is hers and that it only contains some personal things. ...

Joke that has recently become popular in Russia in light of recent protests

- Dad, which concentration camp are we going to?
- Dunno, son, I’m not interested in politics.

Matthew McConaughey was spotted during the Capital Hill protests

When asked to comment what he saw he simply said,

“Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right”

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism

A guy carrying a backpack gets stopped by the Police on suspicion of terrorism.

The Police officer asks him to let him check his backpack. The guy obliges.

In his backpack, the officer finds some textbooks, a calculator, a compass and a ruler.

"Aha!", shouts the policeman, "as I...

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A guy walks into a bar in orders of rum and Coke, but the bartender hands him an apple

What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

"Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

"Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

The bartender tells him, "Turn it aroun...

A family of turtles decided to take picnic at the park.

They packed their picnic basket full and began walking toward their favorite picnic location at the park. It takes them one week to get there.

When they arrive, they realize that they forgot the picnic blanket. They ask the littlest one to quickly go back and get it. He protests, 'but you'...

Motel Coronavirus

Motel Coronavirus



On a dim dreary morning

Ceiling fan stirs the air

Stale beer and Doritos

Littered next to my chair

Just outside of my window

Saw a glimmer of light

My eyes were bloodshot and my head pounding

I hadn't slept all last ni...

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Three couples rush to the hospital to give birth.

Three couples rush to the hospital to give birth, an English couple, and Irish couple and an Asian couple. All three wives give birth to boys within minuets of each other and the fathers congratulate one another. But while the nurse are weighing the babies, they get them mixed up and have no idea wh...

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Late one night, a cop shines his spotlight on a car parked in a church parking lot. He sees an older man in the backseat with a younger woman.

"Okay," the cop says to the man. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get out of the car. Now!"

The older man protests, telling the cop, "But officer! I'm Pastor Fluff!"

"I don't give a shit if you're already up her ass, get the fuck out of the car."

Ted is well into his third beer in the bar when Bill comes in.

"Hey Ted, how ya doin'?" asks Bill.

Ted turns his eyes to Bill and signals for another beer. "So so. My wife just ran off last night with my best friend."

"But Ted!" protests Bill. "*I'm* your best friend!"

"...Not any more," says Ted.

I think Hong Kong is the next big player in the fashion world.

Mask were very in during the protests last year. Now everyone's wearing one.

A Belarusian joke

A guy is walking down the street in Minsk, the capital of Belarus very close to the protests when suddenly a police car full of cops pulls up. The cops jump out of the car and start beating up the guy.

The poor guy then yells: "No, please, stop! I voted for Lukashenko!"

One of the cops...

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

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A man was having a drink in the pub when his wife called him and told him not to get drunk again

He promised he was only having a couple and would be home soon.

Some time later it’s closing time and the man needs to head home. feeling a bit worse for ware, he stands up he falls over straight away, tries to stand again, all falls again. Refusing all offers for help he starts to crawl home...

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An evil black knight and a holy white knight meet on the field of battle

The black knight calls out to his opponent, "behold the power of my sturdy lance and my steed! We will conquer this land and enslave its people on behalf of the dark wizard!"

The white knight responds, "nary have I enountered such a vile and wicked man! The people of this holy land shall rem...

A man is driving with his wife and small child

A militia man pulls them over and makes the man take a breathalyzer test. "See," the militia man says, "you're drunk."


The man protests that the breathalyzer must be broken and invites the cop to test his wife. She also registers as drunk.


Exasperated, the man invites the cop...

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A well-off man is driving home in his new Ferrari...

The man is enjoying the attention from passers-by, and isn't paying much attention to the road. Distracted, he makes a wrong turn and drives off a cliff.

His Ferrari falls to the bottom and smashes to pieces, but by a freak stroke of luck, the man manages to save himself by grabbing onto an ...

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A man and his girlfriend are driving down the road.

A man and his girlfriend are driving down the road. The woman decides to tease him and begins to remove her clothes. The man becomes distracted and loses control of the car, eventually hitting a tree. The car becomes a tangled wreck, and the only thing that is thrown from the car are the girlfriend ...

A plane climbs too high and passes by heaven.

The pilot gets on the loudspeaker and tells the cabin that if they look to their right, they'll see the pearly gates and the shining city beyond.

The passengers marvel at the sight, but one man spots his daughter who died from cancer the previous month. He rushes to the emergency exit, where ...

Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests

Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.

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