Messenger: Your majesty, the peasants are revolting !

The King: You're absolutely right. They stink on ice !

Today, I realized that my peasants really are revolting.

They do not bathe even before executing their king.

Quasimodo is drinking at a bar.

He sees this extremely drunk woman. He starts chatting her up and one thing leads to another and they wind up in bed back at Quasimodo’s room at Notre Dame.

The girl wakes up the next morning severely hung over and with little recollection of where she is and who she slept with. She pulls the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim moves to a small village for a new job...

... And the village has no women - only men and animals.

Jim asks a villager, "There are no women? How do you live without sex?"

The villager points to a horse and says, "Oh, we just use that horse over there."

Jim, now absolutely revolted, walks away in disgust. He thinks to hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1944 during a prisoner revolt at the Nazi's most infamous concentration camp, an SS guard was burned alive by prisoners in a crematorium oven.

That is what I call the Auschwitzaroo.

What is revolting and craved by the Chinese?

Hong Kong

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led an attorney, a doctor and an engineer to the guillotine.

They ask each if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The attorney wishes to face the sky. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the attor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A peasant goes to the lord of the land...

A peasant goes to the lord of the land and says

"My lord, if us peasants don't get any new livestock soon, we will be forced to revolt!"

The Lord replies

"We'll give out free roosters then!"

The peasant then asks

"How many roosters should each man get?"

The...

A king sends a scout to the northern part of his territory.

The scout returns and rushes to the King to deliver his report.
"Your Grace, the northerners are revolting!"


The King replies, "I do know that they don't take a bath that often, but isn't it a bit too rude to call them that?"

Why did Vietnam revolt against the French?

Because they knew they would Nguyen.

What do you call a barnyard revolt?

A chicken coup.

I knew a guy who got an electric Chevy as a gift, but he didn't want it and just gave it to someone else.

Frankly, I find that to be revolting.

On CNN I just saw a headline that said "Reddit Revolts"

My first thought was, "Mr. CNN reporter. You don't know the internet very well do you. Reddit is revolting every day"

We need to revolt against the...

outlets. They have all the power!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets home from work and shouts to his wife:

" It's the third fucking time that I get home and dinner isn't ready, we are going to have a serious conversation!"

The woman, revolted: " fuck this! I shower the kids, I dress them up, I take care of them, I drive them to school, I don't even have time to wipe my own ass!"

Him: " that...

I’m so sick of Tesla jokes

They’re revolting

I'm still treating my burn

Older Englishman and I like to trade insults at work, and this happened...

Him: Oh dear, was having a good day and you show up.

Me: Don't make me start another Revolution to kick the rest of the English out.

Him (instantly): Well, you've been revolting for years.

the Ogre and the Trids

Once upon a time long, long ago there were beings called Trids barely making a living on the side of a hill. They knew, however, that there was a beautiful field of valuable Flurd just on the other side of the hill, and if they could get their hands on some of that Flurd, their lives would improve i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The blissful marriage

Wife stumbles through back door at 6am. Husband sipping his whisky snorts “What time do you call this, you stupid fat pig?”.

“Shut you obese revolting face. Some of us have to work to keep you stocked up with bacon and booze. And before you say anything else, the fleet is in, I made $400.50 s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, and upon sitting down is promptly told, "This bar is incredible! The bartender serves apples of any flavor, any one that you can think of!" "That's incredible, you can't expect me to believe that." The bartender looks up and says, "It's true, mate. Any flavor." "Okay, do you ...

Why was the king so disgusted by the peasants?

They were revolting.

They lifted their blades in one last final assualt...

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. Wielding naught but rags and broken tools after their endless nightmare, they saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

One last...

1008 AD - A tall knight is summoned by his lord...

On the way to the lord's castle, the knight, one Sir Richard of River's Bank is surprised to see that the fields are empty, and the serfs are nowhere in sight. When he arrives, he asks his lord if the summons has anything to do with the absence of the workers in the field, and his lord replies that...

Shock me once, shame on you.

Shock me twice, that's just revolting.

A king outlawed hunting in his kingdom

Pretty soon, deer and elk populations were out of control, eating the commoners' crops and becoming a general nuisance. The people revolted and overthrew the king, thus making it the first time in history a reign had been called on account of game.

Did you hear about the protest from the sewer dwellers?

They were revolting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After years of complaints, a mother finally gets sick of cooking dinner.

She makes a new family rule: whoever complains about dinner has to cook the next night. After a few rounds, dinner duty falls to the husband. But by now, everyone is sick of having to cook, so they all decide to stop complaining. Weeks go by. The dad is sick of cooking, but nobody complains about hi...

you're like an english peasant in the 1300s

revolting

It is 1538 and the Dissolution of Monasteries by King Henry VIII is in progress...

having broken away from the Catholic church, Henry had angered many adherents both domestic and abroad, and sought to shut down any institutions that swore their allegiance to the Catholic church before he had a revolt on his hands.

He attempted to completely squash all churches, monasteri...

Dandruff in the Elevator

A blonde and a brunette get into an elevator and punch in two of the highest floors. They do not know each other, so they stay to themselves.

About halfway up to their respective floors, a balding gentleman enters the elevator with them, with some of the most atrocious dandruff either of the ...

Fencing in Cattle

Three gentleman who excel in their respective fields are invited to compete in a competition. Competing are: a top Engineer, a shrewd Businessman, and an award-winning Mathematician. The judges, in turn ask each gentleman to fence in a herd of cattle using the shortest length of fence.

The e...

TIL King George III had a strong distaste for The Colonies

In fact he found them revolting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The trip to Home Depot

I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point o...

Why do anarchists smell so bad?

Because they're *revolting*

A man is walking down the street very hungry....

and he only has 2 dollars in his pocket. No matter where he looks, 2 dollars doesn't seem to buy him a meal. That is until he comes across a restaurant who specializes in chili, and they were having a special. One bowl of chili for 2 dollars! So the man walks into the restaurant and immediately sees...

A servant runs into the kings room

The servant out of breath proclaims "Sir the peasants are revolting"

The king worried leaps to the window only to see a few peasants walking calmly down the road. Confused he turns back to the servant and inquires on what he meant.

The servant with a hand to his stomach replies "have y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

On a dark and stormy night...

...a comet flies past Earth. This comet was enchanted, and after it flew past the world, it caused all statues to come to life, solely focused on destroying every country in the world.

No nation was left safe from this attack. The gargoyles attacked France. The Statue of Liberty led a revolt ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snowboarders will Understand

Four snowboarders - a German, a Swiss, an Australian, and a Canadian - are taking a chairlift up a mountain. The German boarder pulls out a bottle of beer from his jacket, drinks it, and tosses the empty over the side.
"Ah," he sighs. "We have so much beer in Germany!"
Next the Swiss boarder ...

Why couldn't the founding fathers ever get a date?

They were revolting

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.