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Implant Jokes

A woman got breast implants made of wood yesterday.

This joke would be funny if it had a punchline

Wooden tit

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants?

Silicon Valley

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.

Did you hear Justin Bieber got a penile implant?

He will now be going by Allthewayin Beaver.

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What do you call the space between the breasts of a woman with implants?

Silicone valley

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Apple announced a breast implant that plays music...

The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them.

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A plastic surgeon was offering discounts on breast implants.

The sign read:

A sale of two titties

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A guy went to a doctor about getting a penile implant.

When speaking with the doctor, he said "You have come to the right place.  We have a new procedure, that has worked very well for several of my patients.  We implant part of an elephant's trunk into your penis.  I expect you'll enjoy it once the operation is complete.

Although the man was a l...

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Why did the prostitute get another vagina implanted on her hip?

She wanted to make some money on the side.

[NSFW] If a woman gets a breast implant at a discount...

Does that make it a clearance rack?

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It's an implant...

A business man walks into a bar to order a drink.

After placing his order with the bartender, there comes a cell phone jingle. You know, like the one for an incoming call.

Rather than reaching into his pocket for his phone, he cups his hand against the side of his face instead. To the ...

Do you think i should get breast implants ?

Nah

Just rub some toilet paper on ‘em

Do you think it will help?

It did wonders for your ass

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Convincing your girlfriend that she's crazy is called gaslighting and it's a dick move.

Convincing her that she's a robot with artificial intelligence and implanted memories is called bladerunning and it's a Philip K. Dick move.

The breast implant recall is making some women upset.

But I think they are making a mole hill out of a mountain.

Nobody knew she had a dental implant

until it slipped out in conversation.

The new Itit a speaker breast implant.

It will finally solve the problem of men starring at women's breast and not listening to them.

Fecal implant success rate...

One terd

Always wondered about using oak instead of silicon for breast implants

Be a lot firmer, wooden tit?

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My wife said she’d like us to save money for her to get breast implants

I told her, “Why? All you need to do is rub some toilet paper between your breasts every day.”

She said, “What the hell is that going to do?”

I said, “I don’t know but it seems to have worked wonders on your ass.”

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My ex girlfriend got a butt implant...

Shortly after the operation, she starting getting calls from all these modeling agencies and she was even featured in the new Drake music video that aired on MTV.


I called her to say congratulations, and she asked me how I found out...


I just s...

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My girlfriend says, the new breast implants make her feel uncomfortable.

But, I think I look sexy.

Did you hear that McDonald's is implanting all of its employees with technology that gives them all a common hive mind?

They're calling themselves the Burg.

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ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

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Apple breast implants

Apple is working on smart breast implants, which can adapt their shape and texture to suit your lifestyle. The iTit can be used charge your mobile devices while browsing, as cupholders, and even as a self defence device. Future app updates will include anti jiggle functions, as well as an automated ...

What do you call breast implants that fall out and go missing?

Bolton Wanderers.

A boy, Billy, is born with no left eye, so the doctors surgically implant a wooden eye in the socket

All through his youth, he is shunned and bullied for his deformation. He grows hard and strong from all the fights he’s been forced to engage in throughout the years, but underneath it all he remains a good kid

High school is coming to an end and Billy’s goal remains the same: survive. Someho...

My blonde friend got breast implants

I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"

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What's the difference between a cheap guy at a restaurant and a worker packaging silicone breast implants?

One's a shitty tipper....

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How does a magician perform a boob implant?

Breastidigitation

Implantable Headphones

The past few years, people have been circulating articles saying that we'll all have to get chip implants under Obamacare. They reference the book of Revelation and say it's the mark of the beast. But I got to thinking; in-ear headphones get annoying and over-ears aren't that portable. So in the fut...

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My girlfriend asked if I could get a bell medically implanted in my penis

So she can hear me coming

Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix stupid?

It's called a bullet.

You hear about the girl-ghost who got accused of getting breast implants?

So rude. Everyone knows she’s got super-naturals.

Breast implants are like potato chips.

You can't have just one.

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So there's a woman who wants to get a breast implant...

She talks to her doctor and he says "I have the perfect product for you! We invented a pump that can be inflated by flapping your upper arms. If you want to deflate when you, say, go running, you can deflate them by pushing a button under your arms". She said, "Alright, ill get that".

The su...

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Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants?

It was a decision they could all get behind

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My surgeon had to implant a metal tube in my rectum...

... most people have no idea what I'm going through.

My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts.

I told him it's all in his head.

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A wife tells her husband that she wants breast implants

Her husband says, "Why on earth would you want to do that? You look gorgeous exactly the way you are."

"But I'm not HAPPY!" the wife complains.

The husband replies, "Well, I want you to be happy. But we don't need to spend a ton of money on implants. All you need to do is rub some toi...

The Tempur-pedic Mattress company has come out with a line of breast implants...

...They're mammary foam.

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

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Why was the woman who stole the pair of breast implants arrested?

Identitty Theft

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Two breast implants were arguing. After very insulting comment the other replied:

”That was so low, now you’re making an ass of yourself.”

OC. Using my time on the train productively. Sorry.

Magic is like breast implants...

...we all know its fake, but when done well, can give you a feeling of true wonder

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What do you call a crack house that sells breast implants?

A booby trap.

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A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.

A local plastic surgeon started giving away free breast implants...

They're up for grabs.

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.

“Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She loo...

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Did you hear about the guy who got eyes implanted in his ass and regretted it?

In hindsight it wasn’t such a great idea

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