A woman got wooden breast implants yesterday.

It would be funny if this joke had a punch line wooden tit.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

Nobody knew she had a dental implant

until it slipped out in conversation.

Always wondered about using oak instead of silicon for breast implants

Be a lot firmer, wooden tit?

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A plastic surgeon was offering discounts on breast implants.

The sign read:

A sale of two titties

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Convincing your girlfriend that she's crazy is called gaslighting and it's a dick move.

Convincing her that she's a robot with artificial intelligence and implanted memories is called bladerunning and it's a Philip K. Dick move.

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My girlfriend asked if I could get a bell medically implanted in my penis

So she can hear me coming

[NSFW] If a woman gets a breast implant at a discount...

Does that make it a clearance rack?

Fecal implant success rate...

One terd

My coworker is convinced that the government has implanted a microchip in his brain, and is controlling his thoughts.

I told him it's all in his head.

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer's research....

This means by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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A soldier gets his penis blown off in jungle combat and is sent to the closest field hospital

The doctor at the field hospital says sorry son your penis is completely blown off, there is nothing I can do.. well there is something but it would be completely experimental.
The next morning the soldier wakes up and slowly lifts the sheets only to see a baby elephant trunk had been sewn on whe...

You hear about the girl-ghost who got accused of getting breast implants?

So rude. Everyone knows she’s got super-naturals.

I asked an Italian plastic surgeon what he uses for breast implants

He just replied "Si"

The Tempur-pedic Mattress company has come out with a line of breast implants...

...They're mammary foam.

Playing with fate

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants,...

What do you get when you give the bottom of the sea breast implants?

Davy Jones' Knockers

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My ex girlfriend got a butt implant...

Shortly after the operation, she starting getting calls from all these modeling agencies and she was even featured in the new Drake music video that aired on MTV.


I called her to say congratulations, and she asked me how I found out...


I just s...

My blonde friend got breast implants

I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"

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iBoob

Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men s...

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Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants?

It was a decision they could all get behind

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Elon Musk has Tested his New Nerolink Brain Implant on Pigs

No word yet if it has successfully stopped them from shooting black people.

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Apple breast implants

Apple is working on smart breast implants, which can adapt their shape and texture to suit your lifestyle. The iTit can be used charge your mobile devices while browsing, as cupholders, and even as a self defence device. Future app updates will include anti jiggle functions, as well as an automated ...

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How does a magician perform a boob implant?

Breastidigitation

I heard about people using cedar instead of silicon for breast implants, but think about if it happened to you, it'd be super weird,

Wooden tit

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A wife tells her husband that she wants breast implants

Her husband says, "Why on earth would you want to do that? You look gorgeous exactly the way you are."

"But I'm not HAPPY!" the wife complains.

The husband replies, "Well, I want you to be happy. But we don't need to spend a ton of money on implants. All you need to do is rub some toi...

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Why was the woman who stole the pair of breast implants arrested?

Identitty Theft

Recent mobile phone technology has linked up with micro chip brain implant technology so that when your phone rings it can immediately connect without making a ringing sound.

It just won the Nobel peace prize.

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Two breast implants were arguing. After very insulting comment the other replied:

”That was so low, now you’re making an ass of yourself.”

OC. Using my time on the train productively. Sorry.

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Did you hear about that group of women suing their plastic surgeon for faulty butt implants? Apparently their cheeks wont stop smacking together now...

It's a real ass claption lawsuit.

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ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix stupid?

It's called a bullet.

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Did you hear about the prostitute who had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip?

She wanted to make a little money on the side.

She was wearing a t-shirt that said Guess

So I asked her ... Implants?

Breast implants are like potato chips.

You can't have just one.

I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.

But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

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So there's a woman who wants to get a breast implant...

She talks to her doctor and he says "I have the perfect product for you! We invented a pump that can be inflated by flapping your upper arms. If you want to deflate when you, say, go running, you can deflate them by pushing a button under your arms". She said, "Alright, ill get that".

The su...

Getting breast implants is an experience you'll never forget.

Those mammaries will stay with you forever.

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My X-ray experience

Just went for an x-ray and the radiologist asked if I had any metal implants.



I replied: nothing much just balls of steel.

Implantable Headphones

The past few years, people have been circulating articles saying that we'll all have to get chip implants under Obamacare. They reference the book of Revelation and say it's the mark of the beast. But I got to thinking; in-ear headphones get annoying and over-ears aren't that portable. So in the fut...

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What do you call a crackhouse that sells breast implants?

A boobie trap..

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