The Chinese Premier, along with the South Korean and Indonesia President Went to See God

In 1975, Zhou Enlai, Park Chung-hee, and Suharto came before God to ask a question.

Zhou Enlai went first: "God, when will my country become prosperous?"

God replied: "30 more years".

Zhou Enlai wept because he knew he will never see it in his lifetime. Indeed, he would pass awa...

Breaking news

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believ...

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Lenin in Warsaw

A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called “Lenin in Warsaw.” Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another.

And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.Finally, the ...

Joseph Stalin is in a movie theatre with his fellow party members attending a premiere of a Soviet comedy movie.

He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache just like mine. Shoot him."

Everyone is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?"

Stalin replie...

English premier league - football

What does Guardiola do with the Manchester City team during half time ?

He gives a Pep talk.

Once upon a time in Soviet Russia a comedy theater has invited Joseph Stalin to watch and review their new comedy show just before premier.

Main character of that comedy is a clumsy guy with large mustache that is constantly getting into different stupid situations. After the end of the show all actors, directors and other personal gather at the stage and tremulously wait for resolution of comrade Stalin.

Comrade Stalin who is th...

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Soviet Premier Brezhnev, as is his habit, looks out the window of his Kremlin office at the morning sun.

"Good morning, Comrade sun" he says. The sun answers, "Good morning, Comrade Premier."

About noon Brezhnev looks up through the skylight and says, "Good day, Comrade sun." The sun dutifully answers "Good day, Comrade Premier."

In the afternoon Brezhnev peers out his window at the set...

My 8 year old son was in the garden playing football today, he tripped over his own feet and lay on the floor for 5 minutes, screaming and thrashing like he'd been beaten up.

I'm so proud of him, he's going to be in the Premier League one day :')

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New English premier league football (soccer) joke that I learnt today.

What does an Arsenal player do when he wins the champions league?











He turns off the PlayStation.



P.S. XD. Now I haven't supported or watched football in many years, but this joke got me.

I went to the 50 Shades of Grey midnight premier earlier tonight

Just sucks I couldn't hear the movie over all those goddamn bees in the theater

Deaths since GoT Season Premiere:

Lady Lyanna..

Jorah..

Theon..

Melissandre..

The Night King..

3627 Walruses who fell from the top of a hill because the ICE IS MELTING AND PLANET EARTH IS IN DANGER AND OMG WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT ASAP

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Not exactly for everyone

Elderly couple go to a sex therapist. The guy says, “We have a problem. We don’t think we can do it right. Can you advise?”

The therapist says she will watch them make love on his couch and advise them. When they have finished she says, “You both did very well; there was no problem, really...

When Titanic came out, I went to the premiere wearing a iceberg costume

Needless to say, it was a smash hit.

A windmill was spotted at The Dark Tower premier this weekend.

People said it was a huge Stephen King fan.

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A man on a business trip in Spain decides to take in a bull fight

After the event, he stops in to the little restaurant next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants, he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.

The other customer starts eating what appear to be two large meatballs with great gu...

The year is 1958, My Fair Lady premiers in London and all the tickets have been sold out for months.

To thier surprise a couple sees an empty seat in front of them. They lean forward and ask the lady sitting next to it:

 

"Excuse me, do you know why there is an empty seat here?"


"Ah yes. My husband and I bought tickets but unfortunately he has passed away."

...

Three Russians are in a gulag...

The first man asks the second, "So, why are you here?"

The second man replies, "I'm here because I criticised the former Premier"

The first man is confused and says, "that's strange; I'm here because I spoke out in *favour* of the former Premier"

They then turn to the third man ...

Safety critical software

I am a software engineer and I work on safety critical software (I design autonomous vehicles). I travel around the world, speaking at various software engineering conferences. I was recently invited to speak at the premier aviation conference in the world on the subject of writing safety critical s...

Old Russian Joke

The Soviet Premier and American President are both bragging about how good their intelligence services are. They decide to have a contest. The KGB, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at finding spies. They release a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catc...

The Cheerio Story

They call it... the Cheerio Story

So there's this Cheerio walking down the street one day when he finds a magic lamp. He gives it a rub, and a genie popa out and says
> Mortal Cheerio, for freeing me from my prison, I shall grant you three wishes.

The cheerio thinks on this... an...

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In Soviet Russia...

A man is arrested by the political police and brought before Josef Stalin.

Stalin: Why was this man arrested?

Officer: He was shouting "Death to that mustache-wearing bastard!" in the street, Comrade Premier!

Stalin (to prisoner): And who were you referring to?

Prisoner: ...

A man walks into a bar...

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A guy had his car stolen

In the morning, he went to report the incident, then continued to his work. He came back at night to find the car parked in his driveway, with a note: "Sorry i had to borrow your car because my wife was in labor and i had to use it to take her to emergency. Please accept my sincerest apologies and,...

In the old USSR there were two men standing in line

In the old USSR there were two men standing in line for meat.

After one hour of waiting for meat they decided to go get bread instead.

After two hours of waiting in line for bread they decided to go get potatoes instead.

After three hours of standing in line for potatoes the...

I just made one sale

A keen indian state bank manager, left the job and applied for a sales man job at london's premier downtowrn department store. In fact which was the biggest store in the world - You could get anything there.

The boss asked him "Have you ever been an salesman before? Yes Sir, I was a saleman i...

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epic meeting of world's top leaders

During a World Economic Summit, George W Bush, Mexican President Vincente Fox, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French Prime minister Jacques Chirac are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued. Ge...

[Long]Two men sitting at a bar, one asks the other "Do you want to hear a blonde joke"?

The other guy says "Yeah sure, I could do with a laugh".

The first guy is just about to start when he is tapped on the shoulder, and turns round to see three bulked up blondes. The one who tapped him on the shoulder says to him :

"I am the worlds premier female bodybuilder, and a blond...

Soviet Brezhnev Joke

A hot French movie star is meeting Brezhnev (Soviet Premiere) in 60s

- Comrade Brezhnev, we demand you open the borders and lift the iron curtain!

- Hey, baby ... is this an elaborate way of you hitting on me? you are telling me you want us both to remain alone here?

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Old jokes about Russians ..from Soviet times... from Lithuania.

Few Days after Jurij Gagarin went to space and was the first human who ever made it into space, in a small village a man is visiting his neighbour.

"Jonai ! Did you read that ? The Russians now went into Space!"

his neighbour got big eyes, happiness came over his face and he asked bac...

Kennedy's USSR joke

A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.

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Sacrilegious ad-man

Father Bill is down at his local pub one night when he runs into Don, an old friend from school. They start talking old times and eventually Don brings the conversation around to the fact that Bill seems to be a man of the cloth.

"You see Bill, I'm actually in advertising, and I've been worki...

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