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Gold Plate Jokes

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My Gold plated butt-plug business is being sued by Apple.

Apparently they have a patent for overpriced crap for arseholes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to submit a patent for a gold plated butt plug... but Steve Jobs beat me to it.

It turns out, he was already making overpriced toys for assholes.

Ps: joke’s on me, im using an iPhone.

What does Fallout 76 and gold plated velcro have in common?

They’re both $70 rip off’s

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A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils...

... One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him.

As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The bouncer immediately lets him in.

The mirror rolls his eyes as the toilet pushes through.

Next, a limo pulls up and ...

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I was well on my way to becoming a millionaire

I had a sex toy business that specialized in gold plated butt plugs. One day I got a cease and desist letter from Apple. Apparently they hold the patent on overpriced shit for assholes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a fancy restaurant

When he gets to his table he sees that they have gold plate and says
"wow this restaurant has gold plates how fancy."
Then he sees that they also have gold silverware and says
"Wow they also have gold silverware how fancy."
After that he goes to the bathroom and sees they also have gold...

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A world known pair of thieves were visiting the Escoffier Museum of Culinary Arts in France.

They were looking to make their final steal the biggest yet. They walk up the pearly white steps and into the old yellow plastered building.

As they walk in, the man turns to the woman and asks, "What do you think we should take? I want our last job to be remembered for years!"

The wo...

Another kind of long joke.

Charlie was installing a new door and
found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. ...

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[Classic Old Joke] The son of an Arab oil tycoon joined a university in Berlin, after a month he sent an email to his dad.

'Dear Dad,

Germany is fine and the college is great. But I feel embarrassed to drive my gold plated Lamborghini to college when most of the students and even professors arrive by train'

Few hours later, he gets an email from his dad.

'Dear son ,

I just transferred $200 mi...

A married man dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the pearly gates, he's greeted by Saint Peter who explains the rules. "Heaven is a very big place so everyone who enters is assigned a vehicle", he says. "The status of your vehicle corresponds with how faithful you were in your marriage." Since our hero only cheated on his wife o...

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A Sheikh's son goes to Germany to study...

A Sheikh's son goes to Germany to study and a month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: *"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit embarassed to arrive to school with my gold plated Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."*

Sometime later he...

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A rich middle eastern oil tycoon sends his son to study in Germany...

His son is feeling nervous about being alone abroad. So, his father allows him to take one of the golden plated Ferraris to Germany in order to boost his confidence. It is shipped over and the father hears nothing for the first few weeks from his son. Then, he recieves an email:

"Father,
<...

Four men were sitting together in a train.

A Mexican, a Swiss, a Cuban and an American (USA).

As they were talking, the Swiss man looked at his gold plated Rolex watch and realised it was dead. He promptly took it off then threw it out the window.

"Are you mad!?! That must have cost thousands of dollars!" said the other pa...

The best way to earn money!

A man named John goes abroad to meet his old friend Mark he had not seen in a while.

As he arrives at the airport, goes outside, there, Mark is waiting in his private limousine.

John is a little amazed, but not anything special. As they arrive, John is impressed to see a giant mansion!...

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A widow places an add in the classifieds...

Looking for a new partner. Since at her age she wasn't looking for a young fool, she figured she'd add a few specifications.

1. Must be over 50.

2. Must be wealthy enough to take care of me for the rest of my life.

3. Must be very talented in bed.

With that done, she ...

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A drunk guy at a bar walks into the restroom

A drunk guy at a bar walks into the restroom and is greeted by an elf.

The elf says "Hellooo, i am a magical elf and i am here to grant you 3 wishes"

The drunk guy baffled by what he sees says " Alright, awesome! Well my first wish is to have a million dollars"

The elf responds...

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Goldfish, man, you made me so happy, I'll do anything for you...

This is long, so bear with me.
So I was fishing at this pond close to home, see. And all day I was fishing, with nothing biting. Just as the sun was setting, something was finally tugging and wouldn't you know, the most brightly coloured gold FISH(!) was at the end of my fishing string. And w...

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