The Mystical Mahatma Gandhi

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. So I guess you could say he was a...



super calloused fragil...

A mystic dwarf escaped from prison

The call goes out "There's a small medium at large"

A tragedy in the Mystic town

The Mystic town is populated by the human powers, who oddly look like big canisters with labels on them, and is divided into two parts by a huge road. One side of the road is for "General Powers", where guys like Strength, Speed and Agility live. The other one is "Other's" half, where Karma, Qi, Wil...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time

The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.
"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.
...

What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

An Irish Whaler (Long)

There was once an Irish whaler. Like Ahab, he had a particular nemesis whom he had hunted most of his life. Old and gnarled, he declared one more quest to vanquish his foe before descending into his Mother Earth.

Unlike Ahab however, revenge was not his only motive. This particular whale a...

Ghandi walked around barefoot most of the time, so he had rough feet. And he fasted a lot for spiritual and political reasons, so he’s not very physically strong. And because of the fasting, you could say that he did not have great breath, it didn’t smell great.

So to sum it all up, you could say that Ghandi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

What do you call a happy wizard who makes eyeglasses?

Opti-Mystic

My Eastern philosophy guru told me ...

"To grow in enlightenment, you must live in harmony with the mystical Source of everything."

"Wait," I said. "I thought you told me last week that enlightenment came from sudden bursts of insight when meditating on a koan."

"Well," he replied, "that was Zen. This is Tao."

Did you hear about the board game which traps you in a mystical world of French cuisine from which you must eat you way out?

It's called "Je manger."

My take on a classic.

Donald Trump visited a fortune teller one day. He walked in past all the mystic objects and sat down. The Teller read his palm, flipped her tarot cards, and stared into her crystal ball with a pensive look on her face. "What, what are you staring at?" The Donald asked with sweat on his brow.
<...

What did the mystical fire breathing beast say when he was really tired getting out of bed?

"Man, I'm really dragon this morning!"

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

Mahatma Gandhi was a strange person.

He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often went on hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when h...

Gandhi was a well-traveled man..

Unfortunately, the majority of these travels were taken on foot, causing his feet to build up an incredible amount of hardened skin

To make things worse, his minimalist diet (and eventually his age) led him to become very frail.

In light of this, he still offered a surplus of insight t...

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Spin on a joke I posted here a while back.

OG JOKE:


My Dad Told Me This One, You Might Know It

3 men are on top of a cliff. A mystical deity approaches them.

"I will grant you one wish, you just have to jump off the cliff!" His voice booms.

The first man, being power hungry, wished to be a lion, king of...

I was surprised when my dad revealed he was a mystical chemist...

He said that the world was ending and I was the only one to stop it. He handed me a blue and yellow pill and told me to swallow it. Reluctantly, I swallowed it in a big, hard gulp.

Suddenly, my legs started to run away and everything became small. I even crashed through the roof!

A da...

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One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog is hopping towards a water hole...

The forest is so enormous that the frog have never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear is chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wis...

Mary Poppins has moved to L.A. where she has opened a fortune-telling shop specializing in predicting future bad breath.

The sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert: Halitosis

I recently saw a psychic, a mystic, a palm reader, and a fortune teller all laughing together at something I couldn't understand.

Must have been an insight joke...

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

Sudden realization moment

While speaking with my dad, he said to me "Gandhi fasted so long that his frame was rather frail, and when he ate the strangest fruit his breath was often stale, and he walked barefoot so hardened bottoms were his diagnosis."

Oh my God, I can't believe it...

He was a Super Callous Frag...

Mahatma Ghandi walked bare foot most of his life...

...which left his feet very rough and calloused over. He also believed in living within ones means, so he ate only what was necessary to survive. This left him very skinny and frail. People also believed Ghandi to have magical abilities, considering him to have the abilities of a seer or even commun...

My nanny once told me of an emotionally distant but insecure yogi who fell ill and subsequently developed bad breath.

It was a super callous fragile mystic down with halitosis.

What do you call an italian fortune teller with a negative outlook on the future?

A pesto-mystic.

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The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khaled’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khaled enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, sa...

So, in "Infinity War"...

Doctor Strange is in battle with Thanos. He sees all the future scenarios that are possible. He lets Thanos get the infinity gauntlet, allowing the deaths of half the universe. He never tells anyone what exactly he saw. The other Avengers saw this as being an incredibly cruel decision to make.
...

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a...

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A guy finds a Genie in a bottle...

**A Genie zooms out of the bottle and shouts "THANK YOU FOR FREEING ME FROM MY MYSTICAL CHAMBER! YOU MAY HAVE THREE WISHES!"**

*The guy says "Ha, Make it four"*

**The Genie claps his hands and cheers: "IT SHALL BE GRANTED! YOU NOW HAVE THREE WISHES LEFT!"**

*The guy stumbles "O...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head... he sits down at the bar and the bartender says "WHOA! How did you get a lemon for a head?" The man replies "if you pour me free drinks all night, I'll tell you the story" the bartender agrees and starts to pour him a drink. The man starts to te...

A Buddhist monk finds himself on a pilgrimage...

A Buddhist monk finds himself on a pilgrimage in The United States to become more affiliated with the innate mysticism that influences the modern world.



He decides to start in America's intellectual capital, New York City, mind open and ready to learn. He got plenty of strange looks ...

A woman went to a psychic

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will be murdered this year.”

Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the mystic’s lined face, then at the s...

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A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "If I show you something you've never seen before, can I drink for free?"

The bartender looks skeptical.

"Ive seen a lot of things bud, but sure, lets see what you got."

The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a very small piano and sets it on the bar. Then he takes out a man, about a foot tall, wearing a very fancy tuxedo and sets him on the bar ...

Their ones was a very old monk...

who took a while to get anywhere he was going because he was afraid that he would fall and break something. Everywhere he went he would walk in his bare feet because he had forsworn shoes as part of his vows. His breath was so bad that people claimed that they could smell it from the other room. ...

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A Pig walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the barman, “What’s this about then?”

The barman replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own. Take a sip and it’ll magically release your...

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Mahatma Gandhi The Wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the British would tell you.

It's a Hindi legend. Gandhi was an Indian activist, so powerful and wise he could walk miles and miles without shoes, developing blisters on his feet. He had such a knowledge of resilience, he could even live through hunger strikes w...

there once was a...

There once was a community in which there where the squares and the "jokes". the "jokes" were actually circles but were a minority and were often laughed at and segregated in the community, so they were called "jokes". One circle had enough of the ridicule from the squares and wanted to become a squ...

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Once upon a time...

A man was driving through a rural countryside when his car got a flat. The only building within miles was a monestary. He walked up the steps, knocked on the huge wooden doors, and explained his situation to the monks. The monks were more than helpful. They sent a message to the nearest road station...

found while browsing Quora

Donald Trump, Theresa May, and Angela Merkel are walking outside after a particularly stressful diplomatic meeting.

As they walk in silence, one of them stumbles on a small rock - but when they investigate, they find it is not a rock at all, but an antique oil lamp.

“Maybe there's a ge...

Ghandi spent a lot of time fasting in his life, which made him thin and frail. He chose not to wear shoes often, so when he walked, he toughened up his feet. Rarely did he brush his teeth.

That makes him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

It took Gandhi over a month to cross the Alps barefoot, no washing, worn out, and survived only on garlic. He was a...

Super-calloused fragile mystic, extra halitosis.

What do you call a Monk with osteoporosis who likes eating onions and walks everywhere barefoot

He’s a Super fragile calloused mystic plagued with halitosis.

Ghandi was a what?

So we all know how Ghandi was a wonderful person and a pioneer in the non violent protest movement. But there are some facets of his life that add up to a very rare diagnosis.

First of all, he walked everywhere barefoot which made his feet very tough.

Secondly his diet was comple...

A schoolreunion

A man named Chris sits down at a table at his high-school reunion. It's been a while since the last reunion, and he can't seem to remember a single face from the crowd.

Suddenly another guy sits down beside Chris. The man is very tall, about 6'3, and his face is stretched out. As if someone w...

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There was a man who had a 28-inch dick.

He was tired with all the inconveniences that came with it and no doctor was able to help him. Desperate, he went to talk to the village witch. The witch said, "Go to the Seventh Mountain and look for the Mystical Frog. He can speak; you just need him to mutter the word 'no' and your dick will shrin...

Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?

He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.

(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)

Walt Disney

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl...

A blue collared worker is on his way home from work Friday night when he finds a genie's lamp...

... and upon rubbing it discovers the genie within.

"I'm not your typical genie", the mystical being booms. "I only grant one wish, and the wish is specific to what what profession you would like to sample for your weekend off?"

The blue collared man is confused.

"Sample a pro...

What would Mary Poppins call Gandhi if she ever met him?

A Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

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Sick Dwarf

So two Dwarves are walking through the woods when one of them starts to feel really queasy, he turns to the other dwarf and says, ‘I really do not feel well! I feel really dizzy and light headed’
The second dwarf tells his sick pal to sit down on a tree stump put his head between his legs and tak...

There was a warning of robbery...

I heard that there was a dwarf mystic that was being invited into houses to communicate with the dead.

When they had the lights off and everybody’s eyes closed, the mystic would grab everything they could and make a break for it.

My neighbors fell for it and when the police arrived th...

Ghandi joke

As I'm sure you've heard, Gandhi, a very spiritual man, used hunger strikes and peaceful marches as tactics to bring attention to the plight of his people. Unfortunately, this had some negative effects on his health and well being. Besides overall weakness due to lack of food, persistent near starva...

While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting

super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis

I wrote a song about Ghandi

It is called "Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis"

My dad's Gandhi joke

How much do you know about Gandhi?

He would go on hunger strikes, so he was a pretty skinny guy to begin with. But one time, he walked all the way from the interior of India to the coast to pick up salt from the seaside. He was protesting something to do with British taxes, I can't remember t...

The Psychic

Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions.

In a dark and hazy room, she tells the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness.

The mystic peers into her crystal ball, then looks at the woman an...

Ghandi is my role model

Everyone knows about Gandhi. Pacifist, role model of MLK, and arguably the most important man in the movement of Indian independence. Of course, aside from his upstanding character, he did have a multitude of physical flaws. As an Indian peasant, he rarely wore shoes because he was too poor to affor...

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The statue lovers

Two ancient statues in a Roman park had been locking eyes for over 1000 years, their bodies arched toward each other with the promise of a warm embrace. One day a mystical gypsy woman stumbled upon the statues in the park and had an idea.

She used her dark gypsy ways to bring the statues to ...

Magic slide

Three friends - two men and a blonde woman - are exploring the African wilderness.

They come across a mystical looking place with a really long slide. The slide has a sign next to it that reads, "Welcome travellers to the slide of dreams. Take a ride! As you get to the bottom of the slide sho...

What do Ghandi and Mary Poppins have in common?

Gandhi's political power was born from his ultra modest means - but it came at a price. His feet were in terrible condition due to his insistence on wearing rough leather sandals. Hunger strikes weakened his immune system and he was very prone to illness, but in his moments of weakness, he is said t...

So we all know about Gandhi right?

Well Gandhi as well know was a very important person who in recent times has taken on a mystic quality to some. He often fasted for long periods of time making him rather weak and fragile, he went barefoot for long periods of time and so it's fair to assume he built up lots and lots of callouses an...

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A post today reminded me of a joke my grandparents told me from the old country

http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1ko1i5/my_wife_just_called_me_at_work_and_said_um_youd/

Theres a famous joke that my great grandparents told me. Its whats called a "Chelm Story". In jewish folk tales there is a mystical city of fools called Chelm. In a typical Chelm story, a jew would ...

A boy is struggling with his exams...

He catches a lucky break when, as he is walking home one day, he finds a mystical lamp on the side of the road. He rubs the side of the lamp and a genie pops out.
"You may have any item you desire, simply name it." The genie says.
The boy thinks for a second then exclaims,
"I'd like some ki...

Gandhi, as you know, would walk barefoot everywhere...

...and as a result he developed these massive callouses on his feet. He would also fast, from time to time. Because of this lack of food his bones became extremely brittle. It would also give him hallucinations from time to time. Finally, Gandhi never really had the time to clean his teeth and he be...

Did you hear about the Shaman?

He chose to walk the world barefoot which caused he feet to blister a thousand times over.

He ate only bugs and berries that he found in nature which caused him to became very frail.

This diet also caused him to be plagued with horribly bad breath.

He was known as the Supe...

Have you heard about Gandhi?

Gandhi walked around a bunch and built up giant callouses on the bottoms of his feet. He fasted a bunch which gave his bones a rather fragile brittle nature. He was a spiritual man, a mystic to many people. And he had a strange diet of green tea and white rice which gave him constant bad breath. ...

What do you call a really cranky shaman with bad breath and osteoporosis?

A Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

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