Why did the Pilgrims spend their first Thanksgiving eating outside with the Indians?

They didn't have reservations

How old do Muslim turkeys need to be before they go to Mecca?

Pilgrim age

A pilgrim was seeking enlightenment

They were told to climb a mountain somewhere that could be called Tibet (but we thank the Zhongguo Reddit investors, so shan't mention it).

As the pilgrim climbed the mountain for half a day, he came across a sage with a beard this
^
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Long and a sword this <--> big w...

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(NSFW)The pilgrim asked the Indian Chief:

"How about letting me have one of your women for a while"?
"That depends on how much money you have" the chief replied.
The pilgrim said" I don't have a nickel, all I have is a bag of corn."
The chief accepted the corn and led the pilgrim into a teepee, where a woman offered him her backsid...

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If the Pilgrims had hunted a wildcat instead of a turkey

We'd all be having pussy for thanksgiving instead!

An Indian Chief and a Pilgrim are out hunting in the fields.

Chief - "Never hunted with white man before."

Pilgrim - "Don't worry I aim well. Last year I took down a..."

The Chief stops walking and slowly kneels down and places his right ear against the ground.

The Chief stands up. "Buffalo. Come."

Pilgrim - "How do you know?"
...

Did you here about the pilgrim who was conceived at sea?

Her parents came in the Mayflower.

A pilgrim is walking through the woods when he comes across a hungry bear....

...the pilgrim then drops to his knees on the trail and claspes his hands together to pray for salvation. To his surprise . . . so did the bear! Greatly heartened by this, the pilgrim then began to pray.

"Oh, Heavenly Father, please let this be a Christian bear! I don’t want to be eaten by t...

If it keeps raining, we'll have an invasion of Pilgrims.

April showers bring Mayflowers.

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Imagine if the Indians gave the pilgrims a donkey...

Then we'd all get a little ass for thanksgiving.

King Arthur and his Knights met a pilgrim…

King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table met a pilgrim who claimed he found the burial site of Joseph of Arimathea in Scotland. As quick as they could, they set out to track down the best clue to the location of the Holy Grail. It was a long hard ride, across fens and through forests.

O...

an old one but a good one.

Why don’t native Americans like April?
Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring Pilgrims and genocide.

If the Pilgrims were alive today what would they be famous for?

Their age!

Give a pilgrim some corn...

He eats for a day, teach a pilgrim to grow corn...
He kills your people and takes your land.

In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived.

I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.

To commemorate the disaster in Mecca where a crane fell and crushed pilgrims, Saudi Arabia will build a restaurant at the site.

An IHOP: International House of Pancakes.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can’t read so I’m relatively sure she didn’t find it here.

An American, An Englishman, and a German are walking down a country road...

...When they see storm clouds on the horizon. Not wanting to spend the night out in the cold rain, they run for the nearest shelter they can make out: A farmhouse. They ask the farmer if they can stay the night, and he replies, "Well, I DID have three beds, but one of them got infected with bedbugs....

The meaning of life.

A man weary of what seems to be his pointless struggles hears that high in the Himalayas there can be found a old wise guru who knows the meaning of life.
Withdrawing all his money he sets out on the months long arduous and treacherous journey. After suffering extreme cold and coming close to dy...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

(long) Three men die together and end up in front of the gates of Heaven...

St. Peter states to the three men "It is not widely known but in order to get into Heaven, you need to answer a simple question about religion." so, he turns to the first man and asks, "what is Easter?"

The man pauses and says, "Is that the holiday where we gather around the table with our fa...

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So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon...

Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. "Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easte...

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Overcoming your fears.. as told by tom hanks ..

Three men found that they could no longer sleep because of their deep-seeded fears. Their lives were in the state of stasis because of their constant worries. So they set out on a pilgrimage to find a wise man who lived high in the mountains, so high up above the tree line, that no vegetation grew, ...

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Three guys die in a drunk driving accident...

...and their three souls float up to heaven. They arrive at the gates of heaven, and after a minute, Saint Peter appears before them. Saint Peter says, "Boys, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have died in a horrible car accident. We would love to welcome you into heaven, but you first must pass o...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

Seasonal Jokes

Spring
Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
A: Pilgrims!
Summer
Q: What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer?
A: A hot dog!
Q: Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A: Because they peel.
Fall
Q. How you mend a broken pumpkin?
A. With a pumpk...

The meaning of Easter

Three guys are converting to Catholicism, to get a feel for how much they know, the priest asks if they know the meaning of Easter.

first guy says "yeah, that's when Jesus was born."

"no, that's Christmas" explains the priest.

second guy says "that's when we thank god for ever...

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

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