Pantie Jokes - 72 Hilarious Pantie Jokes

12

A husband buys his wife 12 , all the same color. The wife asks "Why the same color? People will think I don't change my "

Husband: Which people???

My friend caught me sniffing his sister's

He was so mad, maybe because she was still wearing them.

It made the rest of the funeral pretty uncomfortable.

“He gently slid her to the side

so he could fit the rest of the socks in her drawer.”

What do and nail polish have in common?

With a little alcohol they both come off

Why don't witches wear ?

To get better grip on the broom.

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I was passionately kissing a Thai woman. I gently slid my hand up her thigh until I reached her , then I touched her crotch and I couldn't believe what I felt.

A .

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood , except for a pair of black , he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

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Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

[Translated] A man saw a good deal and bought 20 of the same pattern and color to his wife.

Wife : Oh My God,now people will think I never change my .

Husband : Which people?

(Hope the joke didnt get lost in translation)

A young couple get married and have their first night together in their new home.

As they are for bed, the husband hands the wife his pants.

"Here, try these on," he says.

"What? Why?" she says.

"Just put them on," he insists.

"They're way too big," she says. "I can't wear those."

"That's right," he says. "I wear the pants in this ma...

As Jack was marrying Jill, his father gave him some advice “Son, when I got married to your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was strip her naked, take off my pants...

Then, I gave them to your mother and told her to try them on, which she did. They were huge on her and she said that she couldn’t wear them because they were too large. I said to her, 'Of course they are too big for you, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' ...Ever since that day, son...

James Bond walks into a bar

He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "*Is your date running late?*"

"*No*", he replies, "*Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I...

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and ." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

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Wife's New

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless in an attempt to spice up her dead life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally afte...

One day, a boy comes home from school to find his mom waiting for him.

"I just got a call from your teacher," says the boy's mother. "She says that she wants you to learn the difference between a man and a woman. Take off my dress." So the boy takes off his mother's dress.

"Now, take off my bra." So he takes off her bra.

"Now, take off my ." So he ...

William Shatner has discontinued his new line of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner wasn’t the best choice for a name.

Two wives ho out for girls' night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says

"No more girls' night out. My wife came back wit...

My wife and I were walking along the beach the other day...

"It's interesting, isn't it." I said. "A woman can walk down the beach in her bra and and people would stare and go, 'oh my, that's a bit wrong, that!' and yet, if she walked along the beach in a two piece bikini people wouldn't even bat an eyelid. And, when you think about it, a two piece b...

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A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."

The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

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Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her !"
...

What do women's and nail polish have in common?

What do women's and nail polish have in common?

They both come off with alcohol.

18 year old Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree.

Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your !” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”

My wife asked what i wanted her to wear on our date, i said i preferred

[Removed]

Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own line of lingerie for women?

Unfortunately for him, Shatner was a terrible brand name.

Captain James T Kirk of Star Trek fame has launched his own range of women’s underwear, the bras are selling well, but it appears that nobody wants to buy a brand of underwear named

“Shatner ”.

are not the best thing in the world

But they're close to it

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Husband and wife

Her: Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?

Him: "No" said her husband.

She gave him a little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar Bill...

My first time buying condoms as a teenager, I went to the pharmacy.

The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the s...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Pe...

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and ..."

So I took off her bra and .

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

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MEN'S HELP LINE - Letter of the Month

Hi John,

I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes h...

My mother-in-law is visiting. I'm not saying she's fat, but...

when we hung her out to dry, we lost an hour of daylight.

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Bought the ex wife some crotchless for Halloween...

Nothing , just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.

Strange ..

A wife goes on a trip for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of in her dresser that do not belong to her.

Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!”

So, the wife goes to the maid and ques...

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The Naked Cowboy

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?“
The Cowboy says,...

Mattress and

Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.

He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he decided to write a letter to his wife:

"Dear Wife, ...

A young boy deposit 100$ everyday in the bank...

One day the general manager noticed the young boy and asked the clerk about him. He then told him that the young boy comes everyday and deposit exactly $100 each time. So the manager told the clerk to send him the lil boy the next time he comes to the bank. The next day the boy comes in and he's sen...

Golf

Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good Grief, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any...

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The wife of a wealthy business man calls their butler into her bedroom while her husband is away on a trip for work

"Jeeves," she says at once, "take off my dress."

"Yes madam!" He replies, unbuttoning the top of her dress and watching it fall to the floor.

"Now, I want you to take off my bra."

"Oh, yes ma'am!" replies Jeeves, unhooking the front clasp of the fancy lace bra and throwing it ca...

Which designer fashion brand would never print their name on ?

The Gap

LUST : Tearing her off.

Love : Sliding them down gently

Marriage : Folding them regularly

My secretary doesn't wear any bra or to work.

But he types really well.

Kathy's New Job

After a long stint in prison, Kathy managed to secure herself a job at a candy shop

She arrived on the first day wearing a proper yet practical dress. However, her first day was set to be retrieving candy at the front register

The first customer came, looked at the candy, and asked for...

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Pants and

John was going to be married to Mary so his Father sat him down for a little chat.

He said, 'John, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, "Here, try these on.'' She did and said, "These are too big....

My wife's are labelled 'Monday', 'Tuesday', 'Wednesday' ...

My underwear is labelled 'January', February', 'March'...

A 60 years old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship.

She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away....

A gentleman approached the lady and said .....

"Ma'am, ....

I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"....

The lady replied, ......

"Sir, if ...

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Gift for sweetheart

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for her
birthday. As they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration
he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but
not too personal.

Accompanied by the sweetheart's sister, he w...

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Glove and

A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of for herself. During the wrappin...

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without ?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

When I get get home I’m ripping my wife’s off

They’re starting to chafe

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Luigi and his Armani Shoes

Luigi walks to work every day. Each way he passes a shoe store. Each time he can't help himself but to stop, look in the window and admire a particular pair of Armani shoes.

He wants those shoes so much...it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves every last penny t...

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My are SO wet right now

Well, they would be, but I’m not wearing any.

Because I’m a man.

Look, what I’m trying to say is I pissed my pants.

What is white, about 10 inches long and gets between wet ?

A dryer sheet

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Several nuns are renovating an old church.

It's the middle of summer and with no electricity yet, it's very hot in the building. One of the nuns decides to take off her habit and strips down to just her .

“What are you doing?” yells the Mother Superior.

“It's so hot in here, Mother Superior!” she replies. "It's only us i...

Why dont witches wear ?

So they can grip their broom better.

I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

Why do women wear ?

Because it's the law. The health and safety act of 1974 clearly states:

(4)(b)1: All manholes must be covered when not in use

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My neighbour accused me of stealing her ...

I nearly her pants.

Yesterday I tucked some receipts from Bitcoin into an exotic dancer's .

My first use of stripto currency.

My husband offered to buy me Slytherin .

But I’m a Ravenclaw! I protested.

Yeah, he said, but I’ll be Slytherin them off of you.

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What do they call a prostitute’s used ?

Underworn

Why did the blonde wear wool ?

...to keep her ankles warm, duh.

when did you start wearing woman's for a face mask?

Since my wife found them in the glove box.

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Pervert.

I am really pissed off with the pervert who jumped my fence last night and stole a pair of my wife's off of the clothes line, enough is enough, you can keep the , but please return the 26 pegs.

What do you call a frozen pair of , once it defrosts?!

THAWNG.

Edible are delicious -

I eat them straight out of the box.

I just can't stop ogling at hot 18 year olds dressed in nothing but .

I could say I've a knicker teen addiction.

My mate caught me sniffing his daughter’s .

She was wearing them at the time. I told him it wouldn’t have happened if they didn’t do an open casket funeral.

Two guys are in the locker room changing, and one guy puts on a pair of . "jeezus, when did you start wearing womens ?" the 1st guy asks.

"Ever since my wife found them in my glove compartment!"

A lady and her butler

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.

She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home ear...

The curious case of Sherlock Holmes

We all know the most brilliant detective of all Sherlock Holmes.

Well one day a lady came to his office inquiring him about something quite unusual.

She asked him this, "If you're the greatest detective of all then can you tell which color am I wearing today?"

Sherlock h...

What do you call a snake that wears ?

A pythong

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