Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel.

There’s no ballroom.

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I zipped up my jeans and got my penis caught in the zipper. I painfully shouted out.....

"Username checks out"

This morning, my Grandpa walked into my room with a young bearded guy wearing skinny jeans...

I said "Who is this guy?"

My grandpa replied "My hip replacement!"

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Jean

I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blowjobs and smoking weed.

She was known as oral high Jean.

“To be is to do”—Socrates. “To do is to be”—Jean-Paul Sartre.

“Do be do be do”—King Louie

For our recent field trip, our teacher told us that jeans were appropriate, but we weren’t allowed to wear pairs with holes in them.

I still don’t know how we’re supposed to get the darn things on!

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and Jean Luc Picard?

Picard didn't sell Data

A shirt and jeans walk into a bar

They ask the bartender for a drink and he replies
“No shoes no service”

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Jean suspects her husband is gay

She confronts him about it one day and asks him, “Do you even love me?”

“Of course I do! I love you, Jean!”

She starts crying and screams “I KNEW IT! WHO THE FUCK IS EUGENE?!”

I girl once told me a story about her cut-off jeans.

She kept it short.

Jean-Paul Sartre goes into a coffee shop

He says to the waitress “May I get a coffee with no cream?” The waitress says “ I’m sorry, Mr. Sartre, we’re all out of cream. Would you like one with no milk?”

Did you know diarrhea is genetic?

It runs in your jeans!

Why shouldn’t you buy cheap jeans from Northern Ukraine?

Chernobyl fallout.

Billie Jean is not my lover

She just a girl who says that i am the one

But the kid is not my son.

He can stay over for the weekend though

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Bleach kills everything: mold, mildew, bacteria, black shirts, blue jeans...

But not the whites.

Fuckin white privilege...

I dont know why catholic schools dont like ripped jeans...

They are the holy-est pants I have ever seen!

Inspector Javert gives up on catching Jean Valjean and opens a bakery.

But old habits die hard. The bread is on special, two for $6.01

Yesterday I went into the woods to looks for sasquatchs but my Jean's were too tight

You have no idea how hard it is to sasquatch with you sack squashed

Puma's new Jeans line has failed...

They were called Puma Pants.

People named Jean are always clean

Because the first thing they're greeted with is "Hygiene".

How does a pair of jeans cool it's self off?

It pants.

It was socretes who once said "to be is to do" and Jean - Paul Sartre who said "to do is to be"

And finally it was Frank Sinatra who said "do-be-do-be-do"

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A man walks into a costume party in nothing but a pair of blue jeans

The host asks him, "What are you supposed to be?"

He responds, "I'm a premature ejaculation."

The host says, "Umm... I don't completely understand."

"Well," the man says, "I just came in my pants."

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Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

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I once talked to a chick in the club. I said "you have a nice jeans, i would want to be inside of your jeans." She said "no need for that." I asked "why?"

She: "because there is already an asshole inside."

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping and Jean-Claude Juncker all jump from a plane without a parachute, in what order do they hit the ground?

Doesn't matter.

Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.

Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."


Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."


Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."

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Foreign Legion recruit asks about sex

Jean Pauls life is going nowhere so he decides to look for adventure and decides to join the Foreign Legion. After six weeks exhaustive training he is feeling sexually frustrated so asks the Corporal what options the troops have for sex.

The corporal listens to him and tells him if he wants ...

Men's jeans haven't really been working out for me, so I decided to try on women's jeans.

Then I realized it was the closest I'll ever get into a girl's pants.

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

What do you call a smart person in jeans?

A jeanius.

To the guy who stole my really tight skinny jeans...

You won't be able to run, just hide.

There's a woman named Jean who works in my lab and everyday she comes in stinking of body odor.

I don't really speak to her much and rarely say hello, usually if I pass her in the hallway I just say "Hi Jean"

I hate having to shop for jeans as a guy. They're all made like cheap castles.

There's no ballroom!




Sorry if this is a repost, I've never seen it posted to r/jokes before. I only just heard it yesterday from a coworker who claims her grandfather made it up. I thought you lot might like it!

What kind of jeans do the Mario Bros wear?

Denim, denim, denim. Denim, denim, denim.

I got this new pair of jeans and they're really stretchy so I call them my dancing pants...

because of the ballroom.

Jean Paul and Jean Pierre are hanging out at the beach.

Jean Paul asks, "hey Jean Pierre, look at all the beautiful ladies here. How do you get them to pay attention to you?"

Jean Pierre says, "my friend, here is a little secret for you. Just take a potato and put it in your speedo, and the women will flock to you."

The next day, Jean Paul ...

Wife: Do these jeans make me look fat?

Husband: Come on honey, let's not blame it on the *jeans*.

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You go to a Halloween party wearing nothing but blue jeans. When someone asks you who you are, you reply, "I'm a premature ejaculator."

You see, I just came in my pants.

"Credit goes to some dudes post on something earlier, couldn't find it to give him credit. Thought it was too funny not to share."

I got a pair of jeans for a buck

Idk what it wanted jeans for, but I'm a charitable friend to animals.

Jean's mom came home after visiting her hometown

Maggie: Hey, where did your mom come from?

Jean: Alaska

Maggie: Don't bother, I'll ask her myself

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Boss: You can't wear jeans with holes in them to work.

Dave: it's a fashion trend.

Boss: Dave we can see your asshole.

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Two old ladies, Wanda and Jean, were chatting one day, talking about this 'n' that, when the subject finally got around to sex...

Wanda said she enjoyed sex all the time and actually, just as much as ever.

Jean was surprised and asked her what her secret was.

Wanda said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage, she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head...

A friend tried to get me to wear jeans, a white t shirt, and a motorcycle jacket - but I said no.

It sounded like a Fonzie scheme.

What did Jean-Luc Picard say when Engineering offered to fix his electric sewing machine?

Make it sew!

Her: Do I look fat in these jeans?

Him: Will you hate me if I tell the truth?
Her: No.
Him: Are you sure?
Her: YES! I'm sure.
Him: I banged your sister.

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Why were high-waisted jeans first invented?

So you can deal with those long ass days.

What’s Mario’s favorite pair of jeans to wear?

Denim denim denim...

Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger

So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.

As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...

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What do you call a group of jeans running a marathon?

ParticiPANTS!

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

Vladimir Putin to begin marketing Kremlin brand jeans

Each pair comes with a complimentary Donald Trump in the back pocket.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts instead of jeans?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What material are the Pink Panther's jeans made out of?

Denim Deniiiiiiiimmmmmm

Names jokes are so Jean-Eric.

It's really quite Al-Pauling.

I've quit wearing Lee jeans...

...I'm afraid some anarchist will try to pull them down!

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My wife walked into the kitchen last night, stuck her hand down the front of my jeans and said…

"Feeling horny?"

I said, "Yes, let me just go and slip into something a little more sexier."

"Like your silky boxers?" She asked.

"No," I replied. "Your sister."

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?

A pair of jeans only has one fly on it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For someone with a penis, wearing skinny jeans is a lot like living in a cheap mansion...

There's no ballroom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jean Jacques discovers that his wife has been unfaithful to him.

So he does what so many betrayed frenchmen have done before him, he swears off women and joins the French Foreign Legion. He completes the basic training and is posted to a mission in north Africa. His detachment are stationed out in the desert, hunting Islamist insurgents.
After a month, he i...

A fire station receives a call about a burning boutique blue jeans shop...

The firefighters arrive on the scene to find a small crowd of onlookers and the shop owner beside himself with grief.

The owner points at a man in the crowd who's holding a box of matches. "Lock him up! He did this!"

"I did not!"

"Liar! Liar!" the owner screams, gesturing at...

Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?

So you can read their lips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two turbaned Punjabies Kuldip and Jagdip went to Paris and made friends with a young Frenchman named Jean Paul.

For several weeks these two stooges went everywhere Jean Paul went. One day Jean Paul went missing. These two looked everywhere for days but could not find Jean Paul. So they went to the Police and reported that Jean Paul is missing.

Policeman: Can you describe your friend Jean Paul?
Kul...

Do these jeans make me look fat?

wife : Do these jeans make me look fat?
Me totally scared: Would you get mad if i tell you the truth?
Wife : No, i won't! Tell me.
Me : I slept with your sister

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

The Problem With New Jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”

People were asking how the hell Data is going to be in the new Picard series

I thought it was pretty obvious that Jean Luc would have an unlimited Data plan

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I saw a guy with down syndrome buying a pair of jeans today.

I thought to myself, "What a greedy bastard, haven't you got enough already?"

I like my Friday nights like I like my jeans

high-wasted.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

Did you know the founder of Levi's supported eugenics?

Yeah, he wanted everyone to have superior jeans.

I know skinny jeans are fashionable...

But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off

What do Brooklyn and tight jeans have in common?

Flatbush.

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a pint.
While he’s drinking his pint, he here’s a small voice “you’re very handsome”.
He looks around for the source of this voice, but sees nobody near him.
Another few minutes go past and he hears another small voice, “those jeans look re...

Chuck, Jean Claude and Arnold.

Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".

Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"

This year for Christmas you are getting jeans with the pockets cut out.

So you can have clothes and something to play with.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

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