UPJOKE
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A man comes to a tailor to make a pair of pants.

Five days later, he comes to check. The tailor says it's still not ready. Takes a few extra measurements and goes back to work.

Five more days, and the same story repeats, a third time, a fourth time... finally, after a month of work, the tailor delivers a brand new pair of pants.

**Th...

Sammy just bought a new pair of pants.

He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing.

"Ballroom?" Dean asks.

"Not much," Sammy replies.

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When a girl asks you "Does my butt looks big in this?" That is her way of asking you to set the difficulty for the evening...

Easy mode: Of course not honey, you look wonderful.

Medium mode: Hmm, maybe try a different pair of pants.

Hard mode: Yes, but it looks big in anything.

Impossible mode: Yes, but on the bright side, it draws attention away from your face.

Why does the golfer bring two pair of pants?

In case he gets hole in one.

What do a country hotel and a tight pair of pants have in common?

There's no ballroom.

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Why do golfers wear two pair of pants?

In case they get a hole-in-one (i know that this joke is shit)

What do call a landscaper’s nicest pair of pants?

His Grassless Chaps.

What did the shirt say to the pair of pants?

Wassup Britches?

A woman bought a new pair of pants at the store.

When she got home, she put them on to ask her husband what he thought of them. He immediately told her,

“Take those off.”

Confused and a little hurt, she took them off and left to change into a different pair. When she returned, she asked him,

“Did you really think the pants wer...

A golfer was thinking of bringing an extra pair of pants.

He figured it's not a bad idea, just in case he got a hole in one.

What do you call narrator's favorite pair of pants?

Long story shorts.

I don't even fully own my favorite pair of pants

They're 3/4's mine and a corduroys

My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, "like a cheap castle".

When I looked confused, he explained, "no ballroom"

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A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches...

A guy is constantly suffering from terrible headaches. He goes to a bunch of doctors, runs any test imaginable, and no one can figure out why. One day a doctor tells him- “I think we figured out a solution, but you’re not going to like it. If we cut off your balls, the constant headache will stop”. ...

I have a special pair of pants for when I get cross faded.

They’re high wasted.

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The costume party (Sorry if this is a repost. Best joke I know.)

A man, lets call him jim, goes to his buddys costume party wearing nothing but a pair of pants.
Jim's friend walks over to him and says "hey, jim... uh what are you supposed to be?"
Jim smiles and says "well im a premature ejaculation."
His friend looks puzzled and asks "okay, well why a...

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Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

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This guy Bill has been having headaches for about 40 years..

...he doesnt know what to do so he finally goes to a doctor for the pain. The doctor checks him and says "bill I’m not sure how to tell you this , but you have a very rare condition where your balls press up against your spine and put pressure on your head. That’s why you've been getting these heada...

Why was the belt arrested?

Because it held up a pair of pants!

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Lindsey Graham gets new suit

On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.

Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he c...

How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree

There had been no snow during the entire month of November, and there
didn't appear to be coming any snow any time soon, either. The elves in
the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and there was the
possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
...

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

There was a robbery in the laundry room.

Two clothespins held up a pair of pants.

What do you call two dogs breathing heavily?

A pair of pants

A couple is expecting their first child

The father is overjoyed. He goes to the nearest clothing store and gets a little shirt, a tiny pair of pants, an adorable little hat, and the most exquisite (and expensive) pair of shoes for his soon to be child. He and his wife stand on their porch, waiting for 2 whole weeks for the stork to arrive...

A rich lady hires an old mountain guide for a climbing trip in the Alps

One day, as they cross into Switzerland for more climbing, they are stopped at the frontier by a custom agent. He makes them open their bags and, with Swiss serious and thoroughness, inspects the contents of the lady's bag first.

He immediately finds 6 pairs of panties and cries:

"Ha! ...

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A man with 5 penises went to the tailor

A man with five penises goes to a tailor to get a new pair of pants.

The tailor says, "Wow, five penis's how do your pants fit?"

The man says, "Like a glove"

Finding Money

Reaching into a pair of pants and finding a wad of money is a great feeling . . . . until the person wearing the pants starts screaming.

How did the subway guy lose his job?

The same way he got it: trying to get into a smaller pair of pants.

A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."


"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."


"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eye...

A Mexican businessman visits the US

A Mexican businessman visits the US and forgot to pack an article of clothing, so he goes to a store. He doesn't speak any English and no one in the store speaks Spanish, but the employee still wants to help him.

Employee holds up a shirt and points at it, but the man says, "No."

Em...

My Parents asked me what i wanted for christmas...

I said i want something to wear and something to play with.

So they got me a pair of pants with the pockets cut out.

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A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

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It's dress rehearsal time on the set of Saturday Night Live.

A new intern, having been hired for one episode, arrives at NBC's studios, excited as can be.

He heads to the front of the set and is directed into a closet to get suited up for practising an SNL sketch.

He chooses a suitable suit, pair of pants and buttons himself up. At last he comes...

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