One Side Jokes - 31 Hilarious One Side Jokes

3 blonde women are on one side of a river...

...wondering how they will get across. The first one decides to pray saying "God please make me smart enough to get across this river." so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second also prays saying "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get...

A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a buddhist monk on the other side. There are no bridges. He has no boat. He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank. “How do I get to the other side?”

The buddhist monk shouts back: “You are on the other side.”

We've all seen geese flying in a V formation with one side being longer than the other. The question is: Why is one side longer?

There are more geese on that side.

What has two legs and is gray on one side, red on the other?

Half an elephant

Have you heard about the rising political tensions between yogurt and penicillin? One side is probiotic, and the other is antibiotic.

They're calling it a culture war.

He gently slid her panties to one side...

...so the rest of her socks would fit in the drawer.

From one side of the bakery to the other, a breadstick yelled out to a pretzel

“Hey Jane, when did you take up yoga?”

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force pl...

Ferdinand the Bull was on one side of a fence

Elsie the cow was on the other. She winked at Ferdinand. Ferdinand snorted and jump over the fence.

"I'm Elsie the cow. You must be Ferdinand the Bull."

"Just call me Ferdinand. The fence was higher than I thought."

One side thinks it will end up like Judge Dredd, while the other side things it will be Demolition Man...

But the truth is, we are The Expendables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a one sided whale?

Mobius Dick

When geese fly in a v-formation why is one side longer than the other?

Because there are more geese on that side.

(My 90 year old great uncle claims to have made this up, I dont know if he did or not but I love it)

When birds fly in a 'v' formation, one side is always longer.

After millions of dollars and thousands of hours spent researching this phenomena, scientists believe they now know why. It's because one side has more birds than the other.

Why did the joke stay on one side of the road

He was too chicken.

Yesterday I attended a cannibal dinner where the food was cooked only on one side.

It was quite a half-assed BBQ.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The a...

At first I thought one side chick was enough

But now I'm having second thots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening….

when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the oth...

One person asks his friend: what’s the fastest way to get from one side of a railroad to the other?

One person asks his friend: what’s the fastest way to get from one side of a railroad to the other?

His friend replies: i don’t know, but whatever it is you’ll either beat the train or be dead wrong

A german and an american are talking. "My country is so big, it takes me two weeks to drive from one side to the other," says the American.

The German: "Oh, I used to have a car like that...".

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

What do you call a cow with only one side?

A moobius strip.

I got expelled for making blueprints for a water slide that goes up one side of my university and down the other.

Maybe I shouldn't have started by saying that I wanted to chute up the school.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Worst "joke" I've ever heard.

This is a "joke" told by one of my coworkers Jake. There was me him and 2 other coworkers sitting in the work truck.

Jake: You know how geese always fly in a V?

Me: Yeah

J: Well you know how sometimes the goose in the lead will switch and another goose will fly in the front?
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Judaism is a lot like the pH scale.

On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

 

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

... and asks the bartender for a Jack and Coke. The bartender hands him an apple. The man, looking confused, asks, "What's this?" The bartender replies, "Take a bite out of the apple." The man does and surprised, he says, "Wow, this tastes like Jack Daniels!" The bartender says, "Now turn it around....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor felt extremely conflicted after sleeping with his patient. One side of his head told him, "Relax. You're not the first doc to sleep with his patient and you'll not be the last."

The other side said, "You bastard. You should be knowing that you're a veterinary doctor."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started by running my hand across her shoulders and the small of her back…

I ran my hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, I proceeded to run my hand gently down her side, sliding my hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

I continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.

M...

I've been studying Canadian Geese for many years with an obsession in the V shape flight pattern, 97% of the time one side of the V is longer than the other, But Why ? I consulted the top Ornithologist and through years of monitoring flight patterns I now know why

There are more Geese on that side !

I'm always amazed at the wonders of nature and how in tune they are with the Earth itself. For example, when ducks fly in V-formation, do you know why one side is often longer than the other?

Its because that side has more ducks in it.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.