Noticed something very odd when reading the obituaries yesterday…

everyone is dying in alphabetical order!

The obituaries are really concerning me as of late...

People seem to be dying in alphabetical order.

"Granny, why do you read obituaries every day?"

"Don't worry grandson. I just want to see who is single again."

Scottish Obituary

A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the Obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. The Editor informs her that there is a charge of one dollar per word.
She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read: 'Fred Brown died.' "
Amused at the Woma...

Brad and Mike are two old reti

Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Mike opens the morning paper and t...

Yesterday, a man comes into a store, buys a newspaper

He looks at the headline and throws it in the trash.

Today, same deal. Buys newspaper, throws it away. The man behind the counter asks for the reason.

"I'm looking for a death notice"

"Shouldn't you be looking in the obituaries, then?"

"The one I'm looking for will make t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That Ol' Gloria (NSFW)

Gloria was not a pretty woman. She had never been in love and only rarely had laid with a man. Alone by the time of her 55th birthday, her only accomplishments in life were a storied golf career and her many rescued cats. Sadly, in her misery and depression, Gloria took her own life. Written in her ...

You might be a necropheliac if...

Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.

You might be a necropheliac if...

Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.

You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every funeral home and cemetery in your city.

The contents of your trunk i...

This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa

Grandpa: *pointing to the newspaper* hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section

Grandson: sure *hands him the sports section*

Grandpa: no, no, no, not that *he reaches over and grabs a different section*

Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...

Grandpa: yeah but ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her

Her: what's my sign again?

Me: *struggling to remember* what's the part of newspapers where they talk about dead people?

Her: obituaries?

Me: OH BITCH U ARIES

Where do artists go to truly become great?

The obituaries

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