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Misspelled Jokes

what do you call a can of fish in a misspelled french garden?

Jardines

(Got inspired by a video game for this one)

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

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Chris Pratt, Jesus, and Hitler are sitting in a bar...

Jesus, Chris Pratt, and Hitler are sitting at a bar drinkin' a few brews.

Jesus says, "Hey we should all try and get in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

To which Chris Pratt replies, "Yeah, I bet I could get in it for most loved person in history."

Jesus then says, "and I be...

Hear about the screen printer who misspelled the order of concert posters?

Must have had an extra stencil crisis.

I hate people who quote misspelled text

They make me (sic).

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

Why couldn't the misspelled quotation come to the party?

Because it was [sic]

A word in this sentence is misspelled.

Misspelled.

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My friend just sent me an email where he misspelled the word "maneuver" into the word "manure."

What a sack of shit.

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As blond woman, I've heard them all. But this is my favorite blond joke.

A blonde is driving down the highway when she looks out the window to see another blonde in a rowboat, in the middle of a field, rowing as hard as she can.

She pulls over, gets out of her car, runs to the edge of the field and yells as loud as she can, 'It's bitches like you that give blonde...

You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?

...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.

why can't you put a Subaru in reverse?

Because then U R A Bus!

(Reposted to fix typo where I misspelled Subaru)

A man and his wife were travelling down to sunny California for their honeymoon.

The husband arranged to go to their hotel a day earlier to prepare, and upon arrival sent his wife a quick email. But unfortunately he misspelled the address, and it got sent to a grieving widow, who's pastor husband had died the day before.

When the widow checked her email, she let out a shr...

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When I was in the 6th grade I entered in the spelling bee. The first word they gave me was "constipation" and I misspelled it.

That shit was harder than I thought.

Two men were walking home after a party

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a
shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of
the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming
from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man
with a hammer and chise...

Bob is about to celebrate his 30th anniversary

Bob wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow.

The next day, the wido...

The republicans are right: It is a very dangerous precedent

Edit: Misspelled President.

Why is it called a prion?

Because "protein" got misspelled when it was folded the wrong way.

A Lawyer, a Muslim, and a Hindu are travelling together...

One night, they are looking for a place to stay, and one of them sees a house in the distance. One of them knocks on the door and a farmer answers the door. They ask politely to stay, and the farmer says, "Yes, you may stay. However, one of you will have to sleep in the barn, as I have only room for...

Wemen are superior!

Sorry, misspelled that.

We men are superior!

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It was Monday and John called his boss because he was sick.

"Boss, can I get a day off? I'm sick today."

"No problem, you will make it up when you feel better. Is it something serious and will you be gone for a longer period?", the boss asked.

"I'll be coming in tomorrow, don't worry" John replied."Great, I will see you tomorrow then."

T...

Guy is looking for a new secretary...

Jealous wife: You should not get beautiful young girl with a great body. Hire someone who is older, isn't beautiful, married, has children and does not have a great figure.
Husband: OK, when can you start?

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A literal version of 'your joke, but better': I got a tattoo of my girlfriend's name on my penis...

...in full, the tattoo says "FOR AMY" on it.

So I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.

I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get ever...

My favorite blonde joke.

A blonde was tired of all the abuse she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.

A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"

She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the abuse a...

Almost every post that hits the frontt page

Has a misspelled title.

A dyslexic boy walks into a toy store and asks for a "satr wars atcion figuer"...

The manager tells him that dyslexia does not cause you to talk in misspelled words and took the boy to hospital where he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.

An ostrich, a loin, and a giraffe...

An ostrich, lion, and giraffe decide to visit the local drinkery after a long day at work.

"I've got the first round!" says the Lion, and they all proceed to enjoy their beverages and talk about their day.

Soon enough their first round of drinks are empty. "Waitress!!" exclaims the ost...

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A woman at a fancy restaurant is chocking...

Hands on her neck, face turning blue. A man runs over, pulls down her dress and licks her ass. The woman's eyes bulge and a piece of steak goes flying. She turns to the man and says "What the fuck was that?!" To which the man responds "The hind-lick maneuver."

-credit to grumpy guy at work.

A couple was preparing to take a beach vacation in California...

The wife had something come up at work the day of their departure. The couple pondered what to do before deciding that the husband should go ahead and take the flight to their destination and the wife would follow the next day.

The husband had a nice flight, consuming four bags of peanuts wh...

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Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

Vacation

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. The airlines have crazy frequent flyer rules, and the wife ended up on a flight the day after her husband. The husband made it down to Florida ...

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

A scientist preforms an experiment on a frog...

First, he puts the frog in a box. Once the frog is in the box, the Scientist claps . The frog, startled, jumps out of the box. The scientist then catches the frog and puts it back in the box.

Next, he removes one leg from the frog, and claps again. The frog, startled, jumps out of the box. Th...

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Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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