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Newby Salesperson (Long joke)

NOTE: My husband thinks this joke is sexist, but I think it's hilarious.

A young man desperately needed a good paying job, so he applied as a salesperson for a large, everything-under-one-roof store.

The manager, seeing how young the man was, was doubtful he could sell anything, but th...

I've always been a good learner

Right now, I'm teaching myself ventriloquism, which speaks for itself.

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A Quick Learner

Paw is talking to Maw one day.

"Maw. Ernest is 18 now. It's about time we teach him about fuckin".

"Ok." Says Maw, "I'll wait in the bedroom."

Paw calls Ernest over and says "Son, you're old enough now, its time you learn about fuckin."

"Well what's fuckin?" Says Ernest....

Slow learner

A man goes to work one Monday morning and notices one of his coworkers has two big bandages on both of his ears.

"What happened to your ears?" he asks.

"Well, its a long story." he replies, "You see, my wife and I are planning a trip with my sister in law, and we were expecting a pho...

A teacher asked learners in a class, what's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

All learners kept quiet except Mike Mike: a mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito

A man walks into a pet shop and says “I purchased a parrot from this store a week ago and he has not yet spoken.”

The store owner says, “Well, some parrots are slower learners than others. Here’s a book of simple phrases you can teach your parrot.”

The man accepted the book, paid for it, and left.

The next day, the man walked into the store and said, “That bird still won’t talk.”

The store ...

What do you call a slow-learner born the beginning of August?

A leotard

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John and the parrot

John brought home a parrot as his pet. He taught the bird how to speak, and was amazed at its learning pace. Being a quick learner, the parrot started picking up words from its surroundings and would keep John entertained.

All was lovely and peaceful until one fine day, the parrot started usi...

Interview

Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?

Me: I'm a fast learner.

Interviewer: What's 11 x 11?

Me: 65.

Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.

Me: It's 121.

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I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

The Head Teacher

Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs, and great relationships with all staff/pupils....

I'm currently studying snails and slugs.

It's safe to say I'm a slow learner.

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"When I learned how to edit videos I felt like the Flash..."

Friend: "Why, because you fast learner?"

Me: "No, because I fucked up the timeline."

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LPT: Make sure you properly understand job ads.

* Entry level position = We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
* Experience required = We do not know the first thing about any of this.
* Compensation commensurate with experience = You're still not experienced enough so take this low pay.
* Generous benefits = We will give you ...

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No one wants to be a sleazy creep...

That's why before sex I always ask to check the birthday on her learner's permit.

Paternal Payback

On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked.

“Kirsten, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,”...

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A Japanese and American businessman are closing a deal.....

The American was new in Japan and did not know the customs or language. He was a quick learner though and after weeks of negotiations, he sealed the deal.
The Japanese man says, "ask for anything to make your last couple of days more enjoyable.". The American says, well I'd love a beautiful Japan...

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