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Negotiating price.

A man walks up to a beautiful woman and says "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars"?
She says "Yes"
Man takes her homes and says "I don't have a Million Dollars, how about 100?"
Woman says "what do you think I am a Prostitute?"
Man says"I thought we already established that, no...

[negotiating candy with a 3 year old]

**Me:** we can split this 50/50

**3yo:** 60/50

**Me:** that's not how math works...

**3yo [narrows eyes]:** 80/50

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A Deer, trying to hook up its Deer friend with a prostitute Deer, is found negotiating very hard with a Pimp Deer on price.

When asked why, it simply says:

I’m just trying to get a bang for my buck.

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A joke that Abraham Lincoln told

I’ve never seen this joke here before, I read it in some biography long ago in my school days. This is a joke that actual President Lincoln told:

There was an American ambassador to England after the revolutionary war, and his bitter hosts wanted to antagonize him.

So they got a port...

A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody

The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side firs...

My dad was negotiating with a car salesman who was also a patient of his

They're sitting at the salesman's desk negotiating the price on a car, when my dad looks at him and says, "You know, if you get me the right price, my finger can be a lot smaller when your next appointment comes around".

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What will you say?

A man is selling a colorful parrot and a beautiful woman comes and says "how much for the parrot?"
100$ he kinda speaks, says the man
The lady goes "can't it be a little cheaper?"
As they're negotiating the parrot looks at her and goes "owner, look at this girl! She's a damn prostitute! She...

An indecent proposal

A man spots a woman at the bar, goes over to her and asks

"Ma'am? Would you sleep with me for a million?"

She looks at him and eventually, she nods.

"How about 5 bucks?"

"What?", she exclaims, "Now what kind of woman do you think I am?"

"Ma'am, I think we have sett...

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Negotiations

An old, rich, oil tycoon walks into a Texas bar and addresses all the women "who will have sex with me for a million dollars?" After a few seconds a woman stands up and says that she will. The old man replies "good. now will you have sex with me for fifty dollars?" disgusted the woman replies "what ...

The media reported that two Eastern European countries were to play a part in a trade deal during negotiation.

The press later realized that they had misinterpreted a memo from the negotiating parties regarding their lunch order.

An intern was fired for leaving out many crucial details in the memo, including the side dishes and salads, failing to catch an important spelling error, and simplifying thei...

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A little old woman walked into the bank...

A little old woman walked into the Bank.

She was carrying a large bag full of money. She insisted on speaking with the bank manager to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money.”

After a great deal of negotiating, the bank staff decided to humor her and finally ushered her ...

Following a particularly good year, the circus decided to spend their profits on a human cannonball exhibit

After the cannon was delivered, they realized that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.


Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one day...

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A lonely businessman goes into a bar and sees a beautiful young college girl...

He walks up to her as she's getting a drink and says, "I'll give you $10,000 to come back to my hotel room and have sex with me."

She's offended and creeped out and throws her drink in his face. He wanders away and cleans up.

But a while later she goes up to the guy and apologizes. "I...

A guy walks up to a woman at a bar.

A guy walks up to a woman at a bar. He flirts with her. He makes small talk, but the woman insists she isn't gonna go home with him. Guy says, ‘What if I offer you $1 million to sleep with me?’ The woman's never had a million dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously. The...

Job pays in puppies

So I interviewed for a job the other day and, in negotiating salary, they said they pay in puppies instead of dollars. After considering their offer I came to the conclusion that it was income petable.

A man saw a stunning woman at a party..

He went up to her and said,"Will you sleep with me if I gave you a million dollars? "
She was a little taken aback but after considering the amount she thought why not and informed the man that they had a deal. The man then says,"Will you sleep with me for 100$?"
The woman gets furious and say...

A Billionaire's Proposition

A billionaire asked a woman, "Would you sleep with me for half my money?"

The woman said, "Yes I would."

To which he said, "How about for $25?"

She angrily responded with, "Hell no! What kind of woman do you think I am?!"

He looked her dead in the eye and stated, "We ...

A man sees a woman in a bar...

A man sees a woman in a bar and asks, "Ma'am, would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

The woman is startled at first, but replies, "My goodness! Well, I suppose... we would have to discuss terms, of course..."

The man turns away from her and says, "I've changed my mind. Would y...

Forgot Password?

Many years ago I was acting as the system administrator for a test system in a large publicly held company.


Periodically I would receive a call from someone who had not accessed the system recently, forgot their password and locked themselves out trying to logon. I would look up thei...

So a man asked a woman " I'll pay you a million dollars to sleep with me" she said "yes" the man then asked "what can I get for a dollar?" She said "what kinda person do you think I am?"

The man replied "that's already been determined. I'm negotiating."

A man at a party sees a very attractive woman

He walks up and says, "You are beautiful and I have to have you. Would you sleep with me for $2,000?"


"Yes." She says.


He walks away and comes back and says, "Would you sleep with me for $20?"


She gets angry and says, "What kind of woman do you thing I am!?"

...

A guy was talking to a girl

and after chatting her up for a bit, he asked her"Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?"

The girl agrees that for a million dollars, she would sleep with him.

Then the guy ask " would you sleep with me for $5"

" What kind of girl do you think I am!" She shouts back, cle...

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Sex with a Japanese woman...

A lawyer from New York, is on a business trip to Tokyo. In Tokyo he's negotiating a big deal between the company he represents and a Japanese firm. Talks take place in English at a sushi-restaurant in down-town Tokyo, between the businessman and Mr. Oki, head of the Japanese company.

The neg...

A husband and wife attended a county fair where a man in an old biplane was giving rides for $50.

The couple wanted to ride, but they thought the pilot's price was too high. They tried negotiating to get him to lower the price, offering $50 for them both, but he wouldn't budge. Finally, the pilot made them an offer.

"You pay me the whole $100, and I'll take you up," he said. "And if you d...

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I spot a beautiful woman in a night club,

I approach her and ask if she will have sex with me for a million dollars. She smiles and says "sure thing handsome" I return the smile and ask if she would have sex with me for a hundred dollars. She looks offended and says "what kind of woman do you think I am?" I say "we have already establish...

Would you screw me for half a mil?

Guy: Would you bang me for 500K?
Girl: Are you serious?
Guy: Yes.
Girl: Then yes.
Guy: Would you bang me for 50 cents?
Girl: What do you think I am?
Guy: We've established that. I'm negotiating.

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A man approaches a woman at the bar

He flirts with her, chats with her and is very friendly. Yet, the woman refuses to go back to his place with him. He says, "What if I paid you $1 million to have sex with me?"

The woman has never had $1 million before, in fact, she's never come close. She mulls it over, thinking about how ni...

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