Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

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A man talks to a cockroach...

A man says to a cockroach: "My penis is 10 times your body length."

Cockroach replies: "And yet I can make your wife scream 10 times louder than you can..."

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

It’s a furry, cuz ducks shouldn’t be talking

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Bob talks with his wife after a long night of drinking.

Bob: "Honey, I think our house is haunted!"

Wife: "Why do you say that?"

Bob: "Last night when I opened the bathroom door, the lights suddenly went on, and cold air blew right at me!"

Wife: "You idiot! You pissed in the fridge again!"

When you talk to God, you're praying...

When God talks to you, you're a schizophrenic.

Staying at a house that talks.

In a manor of speaking.

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After a night at a singles bar, a man in his late 60's chats up two girls in their 20's, and talks them into a three way at his place the following evening (NSFW)

The next day, the pressure of satisfying two, substantially younger women begins to weigh on him. He goes to local pharmacy, and after some discussion, the old playboy heads home with a box of viagra.



The next day, he returns.

"I think I need your help again" he says to the ph...

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God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

What do you call a Chinese despot who squeaks when he talks?

Mousey Tongue

My wife always talks like an empty tip jar

Such non cents

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