[husband mopping blood off the floor]

**Wife:** OMG!

**Husband:** honey, I can explain...

**Wife:** you're cleaning!

I was mopping and my boss asked why the floors were all covered in water

"Just gettin' her wet first. You know, a little floor-play"

Mexican Custodian

A Mexican custodian finishes mopping the lobby floor. A young girl enters the lobby with her eyes glued to her smartphone.

"Miss," the Mexican custodian says, "the floor is wet."

The girl looks up from her phone with a bored expression. "K," she replies.

"Miss," the Mexican cu...

A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.

He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dol...

A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots

Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant
Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor."
Sergeant: "did you arrest her?"
Officer: "no sir"
Sergeant: "why not?"
Offi...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

Quarantine seasonal travel

Oman, I really can't wait to Rome around.

Venice this going to get over?

You can't say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?

Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.

I've been Washingtons of utensils.

This Spain is real.

Stay home, stay safe. What'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Work or Play?

Guarantee this is a repost because it still makes me laugh to this day.

A general, major, and lieutenant were arguing in the command tent while having drinks about whether sex was work or play.
General: "25% play, 75% work"
Major: "50/50"
Lietenant: "75% play, 25% work"

They g...

My first job out of high school was delivering fish...

I used to stand in the river, mopping the fish's head, and just comfortingly saying, "Deep breath, now push, push again, you're almost there..."

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

A policeman on patrol calls his fellow cop on the station...

COP 1: Hey, I got a weird case over here


COP 2: What is it buddy?


COP 1: Im here at the front porch of an elderly couple's house


COP 2: So?


COP 1: Someone called me to go to this house because they heard shouting and stuff. And you wouldn't believe what ha...

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