On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things.
On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background musi...
I was mopping and my boss asked why the floors were all covered in water
"Just gettin' her wet first. You know, a little floor-play"
An interview with a vampire
An interview with a vampire.
Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.
Voad: Well, I have tak...
A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.
He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dol...
A golden shower to brighten your day
Remember it’s the extra P that Changes it from moping to mopping.
Mexican Custodian
A Mexican custodian finishes mopping the lobby floor. A young girl enters the lobby with her eyes glued to her smartphone.
"Miss," the Mexican custodian says, "the floor is wet."
The girl looks up from her phone with a bored expression. "K," she replies.
"Miss," the Mexican cu...
A police officer was dispatched to the house of an elderly couple when the neighbors heard gunshots
Shortly after arriving the officer called into the station to update the sergeant Officer: "well sergeant, the old woman shot her husband because he walked through the kitchen while she was mopping the floor." Sergeant: "did you arrest her?" Officer: "no sir" Sergeant: "why not?" Offi...
It's closing time at the local pub. As the bartender is putting stools up, a filthy ragged homeless man walks in...
"No free booze!" says the bartender.
"No, all I want is one toothpick." says the homeless man.
The bartender gives him the toothpick and away he goes.
No sooner has the homeless man left, another one shows up.
"What do YOU want?" asks the bartender mopping the floor. ...
My expensive perfume just fell and broke into pieces.
I'm mopping the floor with my clothes
My first job out of high school was delivering fish...
I used to stand in the river, mopping the fish's head, and just comfortingly saying, "Deep breath, now push, push again, you're almost there..."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Work or Play?
Guarantee this is a repost because it still makes me laugh to this day.
A general, major, and lieutenant were arguing in the command tent while having drinks about whether sex was work or play. General: "25% play, 75% work" Major: "50/50" Lietenant: "75% play, 25% work"
They g...
Quarantine seasonal travel
Oman, I really can't wait to Rome around.
Venice this going to get over?
You can't say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?
Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.
I've been Washingtons of utensils.
This Spain is real.
Stay home, stay safe. What'...
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