The 70+ Best Sponge Jokes

I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

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Oral sex might just work!

A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a comatose woman. She is gently sponging her nether region when suddenly the monitor blips.

“Doctor!” she exclaims, “look at this!”

The doctor comes in, she does it again, and the monitor blips again.

“Interesting,” says the doctor. “Call her h...

SpongeBob may be the main character in the show…

..but Patrick is the star.

What do you call a distant sponge?

A loofah

A sponge was talking to her friend the sea urchin about her upcoming vacation.

“Do you have any big plans?”, asked the sea urchin.

“Not really,” answered the sponge. “I'm just going to soak up the scenery.”

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he migh...

What STD did SpongeBob Squarepants get?

Clam-mydia.

I once knew an arrogant sponge.

he was very self absorbed.

I read a book about sponges,

it was very absorbing

I got hospitalized for my SpongeBob addiction.

They put me in the Squid ward.

How do you refer to a sponge that doesn't want to have anything to do with showers or baths?

Aloofa.

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Johnny is a sponge

One night a mother and father get into a heated argument.

"You bitch!" Screams the dad.
"You're a selfish prick" the mom replies.

Their little boy Johnny pipes up with "what do those words mean mommy and daddy?" Thinking quickly the dad says "I was just calling your mother a lady, ...

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A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a woman who has been in a coma for months....

When she runs the sponge up the woman's thigh the monitor beeps.
The nurse runs to the doctor and tells him this! He comes back, she does it again, and they are both shocked.
So they call the husband in and tell him what has happened.
"I know this is awkward, but we are going to suggest t...

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The black sponge

One day Little Johnny (who was only 4 years old at the time) was taking a shower with his mother when all of a sudden, he noticed the space between his mother’s legs.

\- “Mum what’s that black spot between your legs?” he asked her, to which she replied

\- “Oh Johnny that’s just my lit...

Why does the plot of SpongeBob not make sense?

Because it’s full of holes.

Why SpongeBob is always positive?

Because he's squared.

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Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little apreh...

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A woman is in a coma

and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurri...

Did you know that the seven main characters on SpongeBob SquarePants represent the seven deadly sins?

SpongeBob:

Patrick:

Squidward:

Sandy:

Plankton:

Gary:

Mr. Krabs: Lust, sloth, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and greed

What would you call it if SpongeBob ran for governer?

A goobernatorial election.

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If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom

then I'm pretty sure that makes him a tampon

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Did you know that SpongeBob has a square dick?

If you think you're surprised, Sandy just shit a brick.

(Told by a 7 year old reading me a joke off of her SpongeBob Gogurt) "What is Plankton's grandma's favorite type of pudding?"

"Not labeled for individual sale!!!!!"

I washed the car with my 5 year old son today.

When we finished, he said, “Next time dad, can you use a sponge?”

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, “Whats that hairy thing mom?”

Mom replies, “That is my sponge.”

“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”

I found out that sponges grow in the sea today.

It kills me, just think how deep it would be if they didn't.

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These two nuns are giving a woman a sponge-bath...

The woman is in a coma. One of the nuns notices that when she washes the woman's privates her vital signs start to kick in. This nun has the idea that if the woman would receive oral sex that she might come around. The nuns go out to the waiting area and find the woman's husband. They tell him o...

To make a Real sponge cake

Borrow all the ingredients.........

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

What did the sponge say to the sink?

Water you doing?

Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath?

Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness

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One day a nurse is giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath

and notices the heartbeat change slightly when the sponge was in her crotch.
Excitedly, she goes to the phone and calls the woman's husband and tells him to come to the hospital.

When he gets there the nurse tells him that she thinks that his wife could be helped perhaps by a little bi...

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Healed!

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advic...

My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

Why was spongebob fired from his job as a chemist?

His Absorbance Had No Correlation To His Concentration.

What do SpongeBob and LeBron James have in common?

They both hit the deck and flop like a fish.

What's SpongeBob's worst personality trait?

He's way too self-absorbent

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Man's wife is in a coma

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they real...

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A man and his wife are in a car accident.

The man is saved by the airbag, but the woman hits her head on the windshield and falls into a coma.

The man sits in the hospital waiting room day and night, praying for his wife to recover.

One day, while giving the wife a sponge bath, the nursing staff notices, when they wash her "pr...

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Four nuns were out for a stroll one day...

...when a bus lost control and plowed into them, killing them all instantly.

When they arrive at the pearly gates they are greeted by Saint Peter.

"Good to see you, sisters," he said. "Before I let you in to Heaven, you will each have to answer a question." He asked the first nun, "H...

Why are sea sponges good at statistics?

They understand coralations!

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

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What do you call a Mexican women with three boobs?

Tres Leches

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two nurses

Two nurses were in the hospital talking about the new patient in room 302.

The first nurse said: "You'll never believe it about the guy in 302! I was giving him a sponge bath and I saw that he had the word 'Swan' tattooed on his penis! That's crazy!"
The second nurse said: "Tha...

A Redhead, a Brunette and a Blonde

were on the run from robbing a bank, they were almost out of gas so they pulled over and ran into the first store they could find. The redhead hid behind a bag of dog food, the brunette hid behind a bag of cat food and the blonde hid behind a sack of potatoes.

The police seeing their car park...

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Male or Female non-living objects... You might not know this, but a lot of non-living things are remarkably similar to men and women.

**FREEZER BAGS**: These are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

**PHOTOCOPIERS:** These are female, because once turned off, it takes

**TIRES**: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

**HOT AIR BALLOONS**: Al...

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Wife is in a coma

Steve's wife falls in to a coma and after 2 years, he gets called in that there maybe a breakthrough.

At the hospital a nurse informs him that while giving her a sponge bath and reaching certain area there was new brain activity that started. The doctor then tell Steve if he was willing perha...

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And this is how men think...

A woman was in a long coma. A nurse was giving her a sponge bath, when she accidentally made contact with the woman's vagina, which produced a reaction on the heart monitor.

Excited, she went and told one of the Doctors, and he in turn called the woman's husband to tell him to come over as s...

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New Job!!

A young guy living in Boston recently became unemployed and he immediately went to the nearest job center where he noticed a flyer pinned to the job board seeking a "Gynecologist's Assistant to work at a newly-built 'Soothing Approach Gynecology Center', no experience required".
He was very inter...

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A woman was in a coma.

Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the...

A kindly old man is walking by the seaside when he sees three lovely young ladies crying their eyes out.

So he says, "Dear me, you poor things, so miserable on such a lovely day as this! Come and have a cup of tea and let's see if we can't make you feel better."

Won over by his twinkly-eyed charm, the three young ladies manage to dry their eyes and they follow him to a chintzy little seaside c...

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A man's wife had been in a coma in hospital for some time

As part of her continued care, her sheets were changed often and she was given sponge baths by a nurse.

During one of the sponge baths, the nurse noticed the wife reacted slightly when her private parts were washed.

The nurse spoke to the husband and explained that she had an unconvent...

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An old woman is in a coma in a hospital and has been for 6 months...

One day a nurse is giving the comatosed woman her daily sponge bath and when the nurse rubbed the lady on her special place she noticed the heart monitor dramatically spike up indicating the woman might have responded!

The nurse inform the doctors who immediately call the woman's husband to ...

I just made an upside down cake....

It was a Victoria sponge, but I tripped over the bloody dog.

An Iranian on taking revenge on America ...

America has no hero that we can target... It's a huge country but no real heroes... Who are we going to assassinate there? Spiderman? SpongeBob?

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[Nsfw] [long] An aging father has decided to go into assisted living

Because he didn't want to burden his son. He had been having trouble around the house and had a few scary falls. His son begged him to stay at his family's house, because he felt that this was the best plan.
"Dad, please! Stay with us! I've heard those places are horrible!" His father says "No wa...

I wonder how deep the ocean would be...

If they took out all the sponges.

Steven Wright

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A woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma...

The doctors and nurses do everything to try and help her but no response. They call in her husband to give him the news when a nurse comes running out and pulls the doctor aside. She says; "Doctor while I was giving the woman a sponge bath I washed her vagina and her heart rate and brain activity i...

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

Last week I was cleaning my car with my friend...

Then he asked if I could use a sponge

I went diving with a bunch of laundry.

It was wrapped in a waterproof bag. I went in to gaze at the beautiful sealife. When I went back to the surface I noticed some of my clothes were missing.

Let's see I had 8 shirts, 2 socks, and 9 pants prior to diving and now I have 8 shirts, 2 socks, and 3 pants.

My friend asked me...

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How men think...

A woman was in a coma in the hospital. One day a nurse was giving her a sponge bath, and as she was cleaning the woman's pelvic area, she noticed the EKG monitor reacting as she wiped around the woman's vagina.

Excitedly, the nurse called a Doctor, and told him what had happened.

The...

How much deeper would the ocean be if

sponges didn’t live there?

How many blondes does it take to wash a car?

Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and forth.

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An old man is spending his first day inside a nursing home.

He wakes up with a rock hard erection and immediately a beautiful busty blonde nurse walks in, gives him a sponge bath and sucks him off. When she leaves he calls his son and tells him he loves it, this is the greatest place ever and that he's going to get some breakfast. As he's walking out the doo...

A beautiful girl approached me

A beautiful girl approached me and told me that i was handsome and that I would look more attractive if I bought sponges she was selling.

I have never been so insulted in my life. To think that I would fall for such an act. I just just stand here laughing thinking how ridiculous it is while I...

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Three Months In A Coma

A woman in her late 20's had been in a coma for three months after becoming ill. The floor nurse was doing her daily sponge bath when she noticed that the patient began to bite her bottom lip as she got closer to her vagina.

Baffled by this the nurse immediately notified the doctor. The doct...

A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw h...

You see that episode of Spongebob where Sandy got pregnant?

He misunderstood when she said she had a sponge in her.

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A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.

He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.

An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.

The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”

Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean”

The patient repeated again,...

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