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Sponge Jokes

SpongeBob may be the main character in the show…

..but Patrick is the star.

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Johnny is a sponge

One night a mother and father get into a heated argument.

"You bitch!" Screams the dad.
"You're a selfish prick" the mom replies.

Their little boy Johnny pipes up with "what do those words mean mommy and daddy?" Thinking quickly the dad says "I was just calling your mother a lady, ...

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Oral sex might just work!

A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a comatose woman. She is gently sponging her nether region when suddenly the monitor blips.

“Doctor!” she exclaims, “look at this!”

The doctor comes in, she does it again, and the monitor blips again.

“Interesting,” says the doctor. “Call her h...

I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

What do you call a distant sponge?

A loofah

I once knew an arrogant sponge.

he was very self absorbed.

What STD did SpongeBob Squarepants get?

Clam-mydia.

I read a book about sponges,

it was very absorbing

I got hospitalized for my SpongeBob addiction.

They put me in the Squid ward.

Why SpongeBob is always positive?

Because he's squared.

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, “Whats that hairy thing mom?”

Mom replies, “That is my sponge.”

“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”

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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he migh...

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The black sponge

One day Little Johnny (who was only 4 years old at the time) was taking a shower with his mother when all of a sudden, he noticed the space between his mother’s legs.

\- “Mum what’s that black spot between your legs?” he asked her, to which she replied

\- “Oh Johnny that’s just my lit...

Why does the plot of SpongeBob not make sense?

Because it’s full of holes.

A sponge was talking to her friend the sea urchin about her upcoming vacation.

“Do you have any big plans?”, asked the sea urchin.

“Not really,” answered the sponge. “I'm just going to soak up the scenery.”

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Woman in a coma

Two nurses are giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath. They notice that when they get near her private areas that she starts to get a little stimulated. The theorize that oral sex will bring her out the coma. They go out into the lobby and tell her husband their theory. The husband is a little apreh...

I washed the car with my 5 year old son today.

When we finished, he said, “Next time dad, can you use a sponge?”

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These two nuns are giving a woman a sponge-bath...

The woman is in a coma. One of the nuns notices that when she washes the woman's privates her vital signs start to kick in. This nun has the idea that if the woman would receive oral sex that she might come around. The nuns go out to the waiting area and find the woman's husband. They tell him o...

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A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a woman who has been in a coma for months....

When she runs the sponge up the woman's thigh the monitor beeps.
The nurse runs to the doctor and tells him this! He comes back, she does it again, and they are both shocked.
So they call the husband in and tell him what has happened.
"I know this is awkward, but we are going to suggest t...

To make a Real sponge cake

Borrow all the ingredients.........

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A woman is in a coma

and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurri...

How do you refer to a sponge that doesn't want to have anything to do with showers or baths?

Aloofa.

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If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom

then I'm pretty sure that makes him a tampon

What would you call it if SpongeBob ran for governer?

A goobernatorial election.

What did the sponge say to the sink?

Water you doing?

What's SpongeBob's worst personality trait?

He's way too self-absorbent

I found out that sponges grow in the sea today.

It kills me, just think how deep it would be if they didn't.

What do SpongeBob and LeBron James have in common?

They both hit the deck and flop like a fish.

Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath?

Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness

Did you know that the seven main characters on SpongeBob SquarePants represent the seven deadly sins?

SpongeBob:

Patrick:

Squidward:

Sandy:

Plankton:

Gary:

Mr. Krabs: Lust, sloth, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and greed

Why are sea sponges good at statistics?

They understand coralations!

My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

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two nurses

Two nurses were in the hospital talking about the new patient in room 302.


The first nurse said: "You'll never believe it about the guy in 302! I was giving him a sponge bath and I saw that he had the word 'Swan' tattooed on his penis! That's crazy!"
The second nurse said: "Tha...

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Man's wife is in a coma

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they real...

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What do you call a Mexican women with three boobs?

Tres Leches

(Told by a 7 year old reading me a joke off of her SpongeBob Gogurt) "What is Plankton's grandma's favorite type of pudding?"

"Not labeled for individual sale!!!!!"

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One day a nurse is giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath

and notices the heartbeat change slightly when the sponge was in her crotch.
Excitedly, she goes to the phone and calls the woman's husband and tells him to come to the hospital.


When he gets there the nurse tells him that she thinks that his wife could be helped perhaps by a little bi...

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A man and his wife are in a car accident.

The man is saved by the airbag, but the woman hits her head on the windshield and falls into a coma.

The man sits in the hospital waiting room day and night, praying for his wife to recover.

One day, while giving the wife a sponge bath, the nursing staff notices, when they wash her "pr...

Why was spongebob fired from his job as a chemist?

His Absorbance Had No Correlation To His Concentration.

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A man's wife had been in a coma in hospital for some time

As part of her continued care, her sheets were changed often and she was given sponge baths by a nurse.

During one of the sponge baths, the nurse noticed the wife reacted slightly when her private parts were washed.

The nurse spoke to the husband and explained that she had an unconvent...

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A woman was in a coma.

Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the...

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And this is how men think...

A woman was in a long coma. A nurse was giving her a sponge bath, when she accidentally made contact with the woman's vagina, which produced a reaction on the heart monitor.

Excited, she went and told one of the Doctors, and he in turn called the woman's husband to tell him to come over as s...

A beautiful girl approached me

A beautiful girl approached me and told me that i was handsome and that I would look more attractive if I bought sponges she was selling.

I have never been so insulted in my life. To think that I would fall for such an act. I just just stand here laughing thinking how ridiculous it is while I...

I just made an upside down cake....

It was a Victoria sponge, but I tripped over the bloody dog.

Two men are crawling through the desert, almost dying of thirst

When they crest a dune and see in front of them some market stalls. They crawl to the first stall and ask for some water but the vendor says "I'm afraid we only sell cake sponge, jelly and custard". So, the men crawl to the next stand and ask for water. The stall owner replies "sorry, but I only ha...

An Iranian on taking revenge on America ...

America has no hero that we can target... It's a huge country but no real heroes... Who are we going to assassinate there? Spiderman? SpongeBob?

A kindly old man is walking by the seaside when he sees three lovely young ladies crying their eyes out.

So he says, "Dear me, you poor things, so miserable on such a lovely day as this! Come and have a cup of tea and let's see if we can't make you feel better."

Won over by his twinkly-eyed charm, the three young ladies manage to dry their eyes and they follow him to a chintzy little seaside c...

How much deeper would the ocean be if

sponges didn’t live there?

How many blondes does it take to wash a car?

Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and forth.

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Male or Female non-living objects... You might not know this, but a lot of non-living things are remarkably similar to men and women.

**FREEZER BAGS**: These are male because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

**PHOTOCOPIERS:** These are female, because once turned off, it takes

**TIRES**: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

**HOT AIR BALLOONS**: Al...

Last week I was cleaning my car with my friend...

Then he asked if I could use a sponge

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How men think...

A woman was in a coma in the hospital. One day a nurse was giving her a sponge bath, and as she was cleaning the woman's pelvic area, she noticed the EKG monitor reacting as she wiped around the woman's vagina.

Excitedly, the nurse called a Doctor, and told him what had happened.

The...

Two men are stranded in a desert, dying of dehydration.

Finding no salvation anywhere, they kept walking, and eventually saw something on the horizon.

Initially, they thought it to be a mirage, a hallucination brought on by their dehydration. But as they got closer, it became apparent that it was not a mirage, but instead a marketplace. They deci...

[L] My friend Robert took some stuff to the dry cleaner the other day.

My friend Robert (Bob, if you want) took some stuff to the dry cleaner the other day. Nothing out of the ordinary: some shirts, a jacket, and his favorite pair of shorts. Now, you should know: Robert isn’t the fittest of my friends — he’s what we affectionately refer to as “husky”, and IMO the short...

The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.

Thank God for them sponges.

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Wife is in a coma

Steve's wife falls in to a coma and after 2 years, he gets called in that there maybe a breakthrough.

At the hospital a nurse informs him that while giving her a sponge bath and reaching certain area there was new brain activity that started. The doctor then tell Steve if he was willing perha...

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

I had to clean all my whetstones yesterday

Now my sponge can cut through glass

What is 4 inches long and expands when there's a women in a running shower?

A sponge

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A man's wife was in a coma.

He waited by her side every day for years.
One day as the nurse was giving her a sponge bath, she started to become more alert and her heart rate increased once she moved the sponge across her vagina.
The nurse came up with a plan and told the husband about the discovery.
"I think you sh...

My girlfriend: Oh baby I want you to tease me.

Me: Plays three seconds of the SpongeBob Sweet Victory clip.

My Girlfriend: Oooh you dirty tease!

I went diving with a bunch of laundry.

It was wrapped in a waterproof bag. I went in to gaze at the beautiful sealife. When I went back to the surface I noticed some of my clothes were missing.

Let's see I had 8 shirts, 2 socks, and 9 pants prior to diving and now I have 8 shirts, 2 socks, and 3 pants.

My friend asked me...

My friend doesn't like being called Squidward.

He told me, "But I hate SpongeBob..."
I said, "That's the spirit!"

A favor for a neighbor is a good deed.

A favor for a favor is quid pro quo.

A favor for SpongeBob's neighbor is squid pro quo.

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Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom naked, just getting out of the shower...

"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she p...

A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw h...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that no medicine helps with his migraines.

"When I have a migraine," says the doctor, "I go home and
soak in a hot bath. Then I have my wife sponge me off with
the hottest water I can stand, especially around the
forehead. Then I take her into the bedroom, and even if my
head is killing me, we have sex. Almost immediately, th...

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