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Some nurses notice that when they give a comatose woman a sponge bath, her heart monitor starts beeping more when they wipe between her legs.

Out of ways to bring this woman out of her coma, the nurses decided to ask her husband if he would consider oral sex with his wife to see if that would help bring her out of her coma.

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He was initially hesitant, but they assured him that the curtains would be closed and no ...

To make a Real sponge cake

Borrow all the ingredients.........

A young boy is bathing with his mother

Boy says, “Whats that hairy thing mom?”

Mom replies, “That is my sponge.”

“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”

What do you call a selfish sponge?

Self absorbed

What did the sponge say to the sink?

Water you doing?

My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

I found out that sponges grow in the sea today.

It kills me, just think how deep it would be if they didn't.

Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath?

Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness

A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks:

"Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

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A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a woman who has been in a coma for months....

When she runs the sponge up the woman's thigh the monitor beeps.
The nurse runs to the doctor and tells him this! He comes back, she does it again, and they are both shocked.
So they call the husband in and tell him what has happened.
"I know this is awkward, but we are going to suggest t...

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A woman is in a coma and her nurses are giving her a sponge bath

They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and th...

Why are sea sponges good at statistics?

They understand coralations!

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These two nuns are giving a woman a sponge-bath...

The woman is in a coma. One of the nuns notices that when she washes the woman's privates her vital signs start to kick in. This nun has the idea that if the woman would receive oral sex that she might come around. The nuns go out to the waiting area and find the woman's husband. They tell him o...

Have you watched the documentary about sponges?

It's absorbing.

What do you call a civil rights activists who's also a shower sponge?

Martin Loofah King

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One day a nurse is giving a woman in a coma a sponge bath

and notices the heartbeat change slightly when the sponge was in her crotch.
Excitedly, she goes to the phone and calls the woman's husband and tells him to come to the hospital.


When he gets there the nurse tells him that she thinks that his wife could be helped perhaps by a little bi...

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and...

A father was washing a car with his son

After they were done the son asked, “Why couldn’t we have used a sponge?”

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Oral sex might just work!

A nurse is giving a sponge bath to a comatose woman. She is gently sponging her nether region when suddenly the monitor blips.

“Doctor!” she exclaims, “look at this!”

The doctor comes in, she does it again, and the monitor blips again.

“Interesting,” says the doctor. “Call her h...

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A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.

He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. An young nurse came to clean his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” N...

My girlfriend: Oh baby I want you to tease me.

Me: Plays three seconds of the SpongeBob Sweet Victory clip.

My Girlfriend: Oooh you dirty tease!

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An old woman is in a coma in a hospital and has been for 6 months...

One day a nurse is giving the comatosed woman her daily sponge bath and when the nurse rubbed the lady on her special place she noticed the heart monitor dramatically spike up indicating the woman might have responded!

The nurse inform the doctors who immediately call the woman's husband to ...

I had to clean all my whetstones yesterday

Now my sponge can cut through glass

The Ocean' Sea Level should actually be a lot higher.

Thank God for them sponges.

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A woman is in a coma, and the nurse..

... tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman's vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens.
So the nurse calls the husband and says 'come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.' so the husband hurries dow...

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A man and his wife are in a car accident.

The man is saved by the airbag, but the woman hits her head on the windshield and falls into a coma.

The man sits in the hospital waiting room day and night, praying for his wife to recover.

One day, while giving the wife a sponge bath, the nursing staff notices, when they wash her "pr...

A kindly old man is walking by the seaside when he sees three lovely young ladies crying their eyes out.

So he says, "Dear me, you poor things, so miserable on such a lovely day as this! Come and have a cup of tea and let's see if we can't make you feel better."

Won over by his twinkly-eyed charm, the three young ladies manage to dry their eyes and they follow him to a chintzy little seaside c...

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And this is how men think...

A woman was in a long coma. A nurse was giving her a sponge bath, when she accidentally made contact with the woman's vagina, which produced a reaction on the heart monitor.

Excited, she went and told one of the Doctors, and he in turn called the woman's husband to tell him to come over as s...

How many blondes does it take to wash a car?

Two. One to hold the sponge, and one to drive the car back and forth.

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Is it Male or Female?

FREEZER BAGS : They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS : These are female, because once turned off....it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but ca...

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A man's wife had been in a coma in hospital for some time

As part of her continued care, her sheets were changed often and she was given sponge baths by a nurse.

During one of the sponge baths, the nurse noticed the wife reacted slightly when her private parts were washed.

The nurse spoke to the husband and explained that she had an unconvent...

A woman is taking a bath with her daughter

The daughter looks down and asks her mom, “what’s that?”

The mother replies, “oh that’s just my sponge”

And the daughter says, “ oh! The baby sitter has one too and daddy’s always washing his face with it”

A woman was in a coma.

She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and ex...

What is 4 inches long and expands when there's a women in a running shower?

A sponge

A man goes to the doctor...

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and ...

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Three Months In A Coma

A woman in her late 20's had been in a coma for three months after becoming ill. The floor nurse was doing her daily sponge bath when she noticed that the patient began to bite her bottom lip as she got closer to her vagina.

Baffled by this the nurse immediately notified the doctor. The doct...

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An old lady was in a coma...

There was an old lady who fell into a coma and wouldn't wake up. One day when the nurse was giving her a sponge bath she noticed when she got close to her vagina, her hips would move and genitals would twitch. The nurse ran to tell the doctor what had happened. The doctor then called up her husband ...

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Man's wife is in a coma

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they real...

A little boy was in the bath with his mom.

The boy said "What's that hairy thing, mommy?", She replied, "That is my sponge honey". "Ohhh," said the boy, "The babysitter has one too. I saw dad washing his face with it!"

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A mans wife goes into a coma.

After about two weeks of being in a coma a nurse enters her room to give her a sponge bath. As the nurse starts to clean her pelvic region the woman's pulse increases and shows a sign of acknowledgement. Excited, the nurse runs from the room and fetches the head nurse. The head nurse watches as the ...

My friend doesn't like being called Squidward.

He told me, "But I hate SpongeBob..."
I said, "That's the spirit!"

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An old man is spending his first day inside a nursing home.

He wakes up with a rock hard erection and immediately a beautiful busty blonde nurse walks in, gives him a sponge bath and sucks him off. When she leaves he calls his son and tells him he loves it, this is the greatest place ever and that he's going to get some breakfast. As he's walking out the doo...

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A man's wife was in a coma.

He waited by her side every day for years.
One day as the nurse was giving her a sponge bath, she started to become more alert and her heart rate increased once she moved the sponge across her vagina.
The nurse came up with a plan and told the husband about the discovery.
"I think you sh...

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Four nuns were out for a stroll one day...

...when a bus lost control and plowed into them, killing them all instantly.

When they arrive at the pearly gates they are greeted by Saint Peter.

"Good to see you, sisters," he said. "Before I let you in to Heaven, you will each have to answer a question." He asked the first nun, "H...

Two men are stranded in a desert, dying of dehydration.

Finding no salvation anywhere, they kept walking, and eventually saw something on the horizon.

Initially, they thought it to be a mirage, a hallucination brought on by their dehydration. But as they got closer, it became apparent that it was not a mirage, but instead a marketplace. They deci...

Two men are crawling through the desert, almost dying of thirst

When they crest a dune and see in front of them some market stalls. They crawl to the first stall and ask for some water but the vendor says "I'm afraid we only sell cake sponge, jelly and custard". So, the men crawl to the next stand and ask for water. The stall owner replies "sorry, but I only ha...

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An 'old' joke my dad told me:

There is a father and son, and the father is getting too old for the son to take care. He needs to be out into a nursing home. Being a kindhearted and loving son he doesn't just drop him off at any old dump. He takes his time and shops around. And eventually finds a decent place. After getting ...

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A woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma...

The doctors and nurses do everything to try and help her but no response. They call in her husband to give him the news when a nurse comes running out and pulls the doctor aside. She says; "Doctor while I was giving the woman a sponge bath I washed her vagina and her heart rate and brain activity i...

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How men think...

A woman was in a coma in the hospital. One day a nurse was giving her a sponge bath, and as she was cleaning the woman's pelvic area, she noticed the EKG monitor reacting as she wiped around the woman's vagina.

Excitedly, the nurse called a Doctor, and told him what had happened.

The...

Two explorers are lost in the desert...

...they're dying of thirst, and have been wandering for days. Finally, off in the far distance, they see a camp of beautiful tents. Hoping that it is not a mirage, they crawl desperately towards it. On arriving, they find that it's a market. They stagger up to the first tent they see, and say to the...

LPT: Easy way to soak up that extra alcohol in your stomach!

Throw up on a sponge.

A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy

The boy sees her bush and asks, "Mommy what is that?" The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, "Why that's my sponge, sweetie." The boy then says, "Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one." Apalled, the mother asks, "How do you know something like that?" The boy responds with, "I know because I saw h...

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One of my all-time faves...

A woman was involved in a near-fatal car accident that rendered her comatose. For weeks she laid in her hospital bed, showing no signs of improvement. Her faithful husband visited her several times a day, never giving up hope.
One morning, a nurse was performing a sponge bath on her patient whe...

So a man drives a train...

and he is good at his job and loves it, but it does not get paid well. Eventually, him not having money leads him down a dark path of prostitution, drug use and murder. He is caught for his horrible acts and is sentenced to death. On death row they ask him what he want's his last meal to be and he r...

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My old man (a doctor)'s Favorite.

A man waits patiently in the lobby of the ICU to see his wife, who has been in a coma for over a month, when a nurse runs out and says that he is needed right away.

Standing outside the room, the nurse tells the husband, "This morning we were giving your wife a sponge bath and we noticed some...

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I used to work at...

I used to work at a 7/11. A lady comes in and asks for a chewy candy bar. Let's just say I gave her my *big hunk*

I used to work at a fabric shop. A lady came in one day and asked for some fabric. Let's just say she got *felt*.

I used to work in a bakery. A lesbian came in one day and ...

Little Billy came home early from school to find his mom naked, just getting out of the shower...

"Hey mom, what's that bushy thing between your legs?" he asked. "Oh that's just my sponge," his mom replied. A few days later Billy had a friend over, "mom, show Tommy your sponge." Billy's mom replies, "oh, I can't, I seem to have misplaced it." Billy says "oh I'll go ask the babysitter where she p...

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Washing cars

One day, little Jimmy was walking home from school when something catches his eye. Peering into a shop window he saw a brand new red bicycle. "Wow," he thought to himself, "that sure is a great looking bike but neither my parents or I can afford it!". Jimmy stares at it in admiration for a few minut...

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How Men Think...

A nurse was giving a female coma patient a sponge bath, when she accidently brushed up on the womans private parts. Suddenly, the patients vital signs jumped up. So the nurse tried it again, and once again, the vital signs jumped up...so she called the Doctor, and showed him what had happened.
Th...

Why can't Spongebob make the honor roll?

Because he's a C sponge!

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Following a shift change at the Hospital

a rather plain looking nurse was exchanging notes with her fellow nurse who is a very, very, pretty blonde with huge tits.
"That new patient in Ward 2, bed 11; when I gave him his sponge bath today, I noticed he had the word SWAN tattooed on his penis. Rather odd, don't you think?" said the rat...