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Considering it's history, West Virginia is mis-named

they should've called it "Left Virginia".

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

The Post Office has been mis-delivering mails lately...

...this issue has to be seriously addressed.

My wife said she is leaving me because I always mis-quote the Terminator films.

She'll be back.

I was mis-sold a house.

The wife was so upset she didn't even let me keep the saddle.

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A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

What do you say to a cow that does somewhat decent on an exam?

Medium well done.

Side joke: It made very few mis steaks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sadd...

Why did the bee get punished?

Because it mis-bee-hived.

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A woman tried to stab her husband's penis but missed and stabbed his thigh. She was later charged with…

…a mis-da-weiner

An innocent man was killed by a vampire hunter.

It was a terrible mistake.

My wife doesn't like the term "handjob",

so, I just call it Mis-handling!

What do you call it when you have a problem with beef?

A mis-STEAK.

(Submitted by my 10 year old.)

How do start a rave in Ethiopia?

Staple a piece of toast to the ceiling.

Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?

Simon replies: “No Mis”

The waiter gave me a ribeye that I didn’t order

It was a mis-steak

What do you call it when a couple think that smoking while pregnant doesn’t harm the baby?

A mis-conception

I just failed my butcher's exam.

Mis-steaks were made.

What do you call a cow that accidentally wanders into a slaughterhouse?

A mis-steak.

A man and a priest are playing golf.

The man hits the ball but it goes wide, landing far away from the hole. "Damnit, missed!" he shouts angrily. The priest turns to him and says, "if you swear like that, one day god will strike you down"!

The mab ignores him and tries for another shot. Once again he misses and once again he sho...

Two peasants turned vampire hunters entered the local cemetery....

...Looking for the dreaded vampire that threatened their homes. As they searched among the tombstones, they found one covered in blood, black as night and decorated with a bat motif. As night fell, they begun excavating it, getting to the coffin just as the last rays of the sun began to disappear. T...

What do you call the shareholders of a bankrupt company?

MiStake Holders.



(It's bad I know)

Vasectomy misunderstanding

She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.

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Reaction to Snakes

• Civilian: Runs away from the snake screaming.

• Paratrooper: Lands on and kills the snake.

• Armor: runs over snake, giggles, and looks for
more snakes.

• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere
kitty....Ouch! Hey, that's not a putty tat."

• Army Aviation: Has GPS...

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A mercurial rocker hands out backstage passes...

A mercurial rocker of a popular band was known to give out many backstage passes. Now this happens all the time in the music industry; however this rocker always handed out the same pass to many women, and never changed it. The pass was for Tulsa OK, and he'd give out the large TULSA backstage pas...

What did you call beef that didn't make the cut

a miSTEAK

I don't always misbehave in Vietmamese restaurants, but when I do I'm always afraid they're going to...

Bahn Mi

My grandfather passed away early this morning. To commemerate him, here is a favorite joke of his

A man and woman were on their honeymoon after a quick courtship. They met, fell, and love, and were quickly married. On their honeymoon, they decide to go for a horse ride through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the wifes's horse mis-steps and jo...

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First day of class at Hogwarts

A group of first-year students walked into a classroom at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The professor, Febuina Pell, was young for her profession and had never married, but was well respected and had written the very textbook to be used in the class. One of the students, a muggle-born ...

to my friend who was cooking steaks for the first time:

you can either make steaks or mis-steaks.

My last roommate was vegan

This happened two years ago. We were having a bbq before a game and he prepared some veggie burgers and I made some meat burgers. He mushed his veggie burgers up real good and it actually looked like meat after we cooked them. We put the leftovers in the fridge and went to the game.

When we ...

No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly.

I'm so mis-tweeted.

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