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Mis Jokes

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Cost of mis-communication

A guy and his date are parked out in the country away from town, when they start kissing and fondling each other. Just then, the girl stops and sits up. “What’s the matter?” asks the guy. She replies, “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a prostitute, and I charge $100 for ...

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Considering it's history, West Virginia is mis-named

they should've called it "Left Virginia".

I was mis-sold a house.

The wife was so upset she didn't even let me keep the saddle.

TIFU by mis-targeting my torpedo

Whoops, wrong sub.

My wife said she is leaving me because I always mis-quote the Terminator films.

She'll be back.

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A Les Mis Joke (from r/Lesmiserables Joke by u/shepy66

Ok, so there were these two guys at a high school, a really weird, lame, goth kid from France, and a really popular rich kid named John. Nobody actually new the French kid's name, but he was strange enough for people to make up their own. Creep, Emo, Lame-ass, Weirdo, and plenty of other (and much w...

An innocent man was killed by a vampire hunter.

It was a terrible mistake.

How do start a rave in Ethiopia?

Staple a piece of toast to the ceiling.

A politician dies

So a politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.


"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people...

I got home with my one night stand. She pulled down my pants and looked disappointed!

She said you told me it was 12 inches!
"No" I replied "you mis-heard me. I said it smells like a foot".

A lady came into work today.

And she purchased an energy drink and a pie.

I said “so just the drink and the mince and cheese pie?”

She said “no, actually it’s a steak and cheese pie.”

And to that I said “oh sorry, my misSteak and cheese”

My mis STEAK... and cheese.

I’m telling everyone

What do you say to a cow that does somewhat decent on an exam?

Medium well done.

Side joke: It made very few mis steaks

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A woman tried to stab her husband's penis but missed and stabbed his thigh. She was later charged with…

…a mis-da-weiner

I just failed my butcher's exam.

Mis-steaks were made.

Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?

Simon replies: “No Mis”

My wife doesn't like the term "handjob",

so, I just call it Mis-handling!

What do you call it when you have a problem with beef?

A mis-STEAK.

(Submitted by my 10 year old.)

The waiter gave me a ribeye that I didn’t order

It was a mis-steak

What do you call it when a couple think that smoking while pregnant doesn’t harm the baby?

A mis-conception

Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

It could happen

Ah Mis’sippi Highway Patrol trooper pulled a car over on Hwy 82 about 2 miles east of tha’ River Bridge at Greenville ‘bout 4:00 yesterday afternoon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was ah Magician and ah Juggler and he was on his way to Columbus, Mis...

What do you call a cow that accidentally wanders into a slaughterhouse?

A mis-steak.

Vasectomy misunderstanding

She told me I mis heard the doctor, Apparently it doesn't stop your wife getting pregnant, just affects the colour of the baby.

to my friend who was cooking steaks for the first time:

you can either make steaks or mis-steaks.

My favorite Halloween Joke

Two Vampire Hunters entered a cemetery looking for their prey. As night fell, they found a tombstone covered in blood, black as night and decorated with a bat motif. They began excavating it, getting to the coffin just as the last rays of the sun began to disappear.

With no time to open it, ...

No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly.

I'm so mis-tweeted.

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

My grandfather passed away early this morning. To commemerate him, here is a favorite joke of his

A man and woman were on their honeymoon after a quick courtship. They met, fell, and love, and were quickly married. On their honeymoon, they decide to go for a horse ride through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the wifes's horse mis-steps and jo...

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