UPJOKE
spicenutmegstaffbatonbroompeppersicklesofficialwindukarabombmassemaysmoneyspear

There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace

Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and l...

Who should carry the bear mace when hiking with friends?

The slowest runner.

How did Mace die?

He fell out the Windu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PRO TIP: if you are exposed to mace and/or tear gas DO NOT MASTURBATE, EVEN AFTER YOU WASH YOUR HANDS SEVERAL TIMES.

this is not a joke I’m suffering!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you mace a German?

They can Nazi.

Do you know how mace died

He went through the windu

Why is mace an assault

When it’s really a pepper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

He's got mace in his eyes.

A Necromancer and a Druid walk into a bar

the Druid says: *’why the long mace’*

I’ve got too much thyme on my hands

My hours are only parsley filled. I have anise and a nephew that I babysit, they are gingers, while my hair is salt and pepper. I guess these puns are kinda vanilla, but they’re just going to keep cumin. What’s a superheroes favorite garnish? Capers! If I keep it up you might spray me with mace. A g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do redditors wear goggles during sex?

To keep the mace out of their eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful woman walking into a sporting goods store...

She spends a few minutes shopping around until she finds a fishing rod that she would like to buy for herself. She picks it up and brings it to the front counter. When she arrives the only cashier is a blind man.

"Good choice" The blind man says "That rod is only $20 this week"

"How do...

A Horse walks into a bar.

He orders a drink and puts a can of pepper spray on top the bar.

The bartender proceeds to give him the drink and says “Why the strong mace?”

A burglar is sneaking out of a house...

Waiting outside are two cops. One points a can of pepper spray at the criminal.

"FREEZE IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL USE FORCE!"

The burglar nods, puts his hands up and stands still. After a few seconds, the cop steps forward and touches his arm. Suddenly looking confused and angry, the cop s...

How to deal with black bears and brown bears when hiking.

1. Always wear bells to warn the bears you are coming and not startle them into a charge.
2. Always carry bear mace and spray it in the air towards the bear because they have sensitive noses.
3. Always inspect bear droppings to tell what kind of bears are nearby. Black bear droppings mostly ha...

A medieval knight walks into a bar, holding a large blunt weapon...

..."Why the long mace?", asks the barman.

Told my friend I went to the waxwork museum and they had a waxwork of a medieval knight wielding his weapons.

"Tussauds?"

"Nah, he was holding a mace."

Why do blck men cry when they make love to white women?

Mace...

What do you call an Indian Jedi?

Mace Hindu.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought I had an std because my eyes started burning every time I had sex.

Then I realized it was just the mace.

Today I went to the protest

The protesters aren't going to mace themselves

The other night I went out on a blind date

Well it didn't start out that way, she had mace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do black guy's eyes get red after sex.

mace

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are trapped on an island...

Three men were trapped on the island. One was an American, one was a North Korean and the other was South Korean.
They were wandering around when they came upon a town of cannibals. They were tied with a rope. The Chief came out and said that the punishment was spanking their ass with a huge woo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I have sex, my eyes water and I find it hard to breathe...

The doctor says its the mace.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.