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Minecraft Jokes

If Minecraft has ever taught us anything...

It’s that you shouldn’t spend diamonds on hoes

I’m trying to make a meme on breaking bedrock in Minecraft

But it’s way to hard

Minecraft PiCkUp LiNeS

Girl, are you a redstone torch, because you really turn me on

I got Minecraft for my girlfriend

Best trade I've ever made

What genre would a Minecraft Movie be?

A Block-buster

[joke about Minecraft] Why can’t the Ender Dragon read a book?

Because she always starts at the End.

If minecraft taught me one thing...

It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Minecraft and Porn Games have in common?

The first thing you do is get wood.

What’s the square root of Minecraft?

There’s three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.

In Minecraft nobody can grow pubic hair

They can only grow cubic hair

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee

Most blocks in Minecraft are one square meter. Where in Minecraft can you find a block that has only two square feet?

Whichever one the player’s standing on.

Did you guys know that Steve from Minecraft has a 16 skin?

That's because his foreskin is squared.

Steve From Minecraft walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Hrmm, I can’t get you a drink.”
Steve asks why. The bartender replies with,

“We don’t serve Miners.”

What kind of meat do you get from Minecraft cows?

Cornered Beef

What would a hammer be called in Minecraft?

MC Hammer

I decided to get Minecraft. I found a village and killed all the villagers.

Then I opened the game.

Why was Minecraft the movie cancelled?

Because all of the actors wore blockface.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont Minecraft players have sex?

Its illegal to fuck a miner

I made fun of the official Minecraft Twitter account

So they blocked me

Why was minecraft steve chosen to be added to super smash bros?

Because Sakurai heard that smash players were attracted to miners

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the most popular searches on pornhub is Minecraft porn

I tried searching for that once. Unfortunately, it was blocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friend: What the fuck is Minecraft?

Me: Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting.

Minecraft cosplay is huge

You’ve never seen so much square footage.

I tried and failed to make an underwater breathing machine in Minecraft.

I just conduit.

What nationality are Minecraft people?

Cuban.

Found out they're adding a Priest villager in the new Minecraft update

I really thought the Creeper was sufficient.

I named my Minecraft Realm "Climax"

I wanted a lot of people to come

[NSFW] How are US Politicians and Minecraft Youtubers similar?

They both like children

I've been playing Minecraft lately....

It's a very top-Notch game

Some guy on a Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit

How dare he make such baseless accusations.

What do Minecraft fanboys have when they wake up?

Bedrock

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Hitler were alive today, he'd hate playing Minecraft

Whenever he'd start mining diamonds, his generals would yell out "mine fewer!"

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn’t know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn’t know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.

Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?

Scie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Minecraft

is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

I won a Minecraft game without cheating

I did it fair and cube.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If they added a penis mod to Minecraft...

Wouldn't it be called a cock-block?

If someone made a sculpture in Minecraft of J-Lo.

Would you name it Jenny from the Block?

What’s the queen of England favorite Minecraft item?

Totem of undying

Soviet Russia would've banned Minecraft

Until it was called "Ourcraft"

What did the minecraft villager say before he died?

hmm

What do Blazes (from Minecraft) and Dutch people have in common

Both live in the nether(lands) and love to blaze it.

Why did the Minecraft Java player Cross the Road?

To render the other side

A fight happened in my Christian Minecraft server

Nothing too big.Just a little "Frick"tion

The Arabic version of Minecraft runs approximately 4% faster.

Because the letters are more aerodynamic.

What’s the difference between Minecraft and Lovecraft?

Apparently not much based on Notch’s twitter

Minecraft releases a new movie

Critics say its a block buster!

A botanist starts playing minecraft, and he becomes a mathematician

He had to calculate the cubic root

Why do kids love Minecraft

Because they are Minors.

Minecraft is 10 years old

Older than half the people that play the game

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a person has a boner in Minecraft?

Erectangle

My first date told me to just be myself 100%

So I went home and started playing some Minecraft

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Hitler name his Minecraft worlds?

Mein Kraft

I just love the new minecraft update.

It's groundbreaking.

What did the one element say to the other while they were playing Minecraft

Bromine!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to have sex in minecraft

Plant your seeds with a hoe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Minecraft, there are the Overworld Lands, the End Lands, and the...

Nether Lands.

Now I know why I can't play Minecraft in my Dutch class.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a therapist today for my increasing urge to kill animals

She said killing them in Minecraft doesn’t count

What's a pirate's favorite way to say relax?

"Take some arr and arr!"



Thought of it shamelessly while building a pirate ship in Minecraft

"Can I get a pet fox?"

While browsing the forums I read a simple post, the question "Can I get a pet fox?"

Clicking inside, I read the top answer. "You can't tame a fox, but you can leash it to a post." Which I thought was a really succinct and apt commentary on how exotic pet ownership is sometimes unfair to speci...

How do you scare a Jewish kid in Minecraft?

You get 8 cobblestone.

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

My speech impediment didn't stop my dad from listening to me when I asked for Minecraft for my birthday.

So why did he give me a book about something called "fascism?"

„Wow a PS10! What games do you got?“

„GTA 5, The Witcher 3, Destiny 2 and Minecraft“

Generation Z is best known for being hard-working

...within the Minecraft community.

What did they call the Minecraft player who built a clock in-game to chime at 4:20?

A Redstoner.

A dad and his his 7 year old son

A dad and his so were playing Minecraft one day, and the son asked his dad what should he never do in Minecraft?

The dad answers, go into creative mode because that ruins the game.

He stares his dad dead in the eyes and says, No dad DON’T SPEND YOUR DIAMONDS ON HOES!

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