UPJOKE
microsoftxbox onexbox 360playstation 3playstation 4playstation vitaandroidiosnintendo switchmobsurvival modewii uxbox livemojangboss

Minecraft Jokes

If Minecraft has ever taught us anything...

It’s that you shouldn’t spend diamonds on hoes
upvote downvote report

I’m trying to make a meme on breaking bedrock in Minecraft

But it’s way to hard
upvote downvote report

Minecraft PiCkUp LiNeS

Girl, are you a redstone torch, because you really turn me on
upvote downvote report

I got Minecraft for my girlfriend

Best trade I've ever made
upvote downvote report

What genre would a Minecraft Movie be?

A Block-buster
upvote downvote report

[joke about Minecraft] Why can’t the Ender Dragon read a book?

Because she always starts at the End.
upvote downvote report

If minecraft taught me one thing...

It's to never spend diamonds on a hoe.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Minecraft and Porn Games have in common?

The first thing you do is get wood.

What’s the square root of Minecraft?

There’s three, actually. The potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
upvote downvote report

In Minecraft nobody can grow pubic hair

They can only grow cubic hair
upvote downvote report

Whats the first thing Michael Jackson does when he spawns in on Minecraft?

He punches a trhee-hee
upvote downvote report

Most blocks in Minecraft are one square meter. Where in Minecraft can you find a block that has only two square feet?

Whichever one the player’s standing on.
upvote downvote report

Did you guys know that Steve from Minecraft has a 16 skin?

That's because his foreskin is squared.
upvote downvote report

Steve From Minecraft walks into a bar.

The bartender says “Hrmm, I can’t get you a drink.”
Steve asks why. The bartender replies with,

“We don’t serve Miners.”
upvote downvote report

What kind of meat do you get from Minecraft cows?

Cornered Beef
upvote downvote report

What would a hammer be called in Minecraft?

MC Hammer
upvote downvote report

I decided to get Minecraft. I found a village and killed all the villagers.

Then I opened the game.
upvote downvote report

Why was Minecraft the movie cancelled?

Because all of the actors wore blockface.
upvote downvote report

I made fun of the official Minecraft Twitter account

So they blocked me
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont Minecraft players have sex?

Its illegal to fuck a miner

Why was minecraft steve chosen to be added to super smash bros?

Because Sakurai heard that smash players were attracted to miners
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the most popular searches on pornhub is Minecraft porn

I tried searching for that once. Unfortunately, it was blocked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Friend: What the fuck is Minecraft?

Me: Hitler's lesser known second book about his love of knitting.

Minecraft cosplay is huge

You’ve never seen so much square footage.
upvote downvote report

I've been playing Minecraft lately....

It's a very top-Notch game
upvote downvote report

I tried and failed to make an underwater breathing machine in Minecraft.

I just conduit.
upvote downvote report

Two scientists are playing Minecraft.

Two scientists are playing Minecraft. One is new to the game and doesn’t know much about it. At some point, he crafts a pickaxe, but doesn’t know what to do with it, so he asks the more experienced scientist.

Scientist 1: Bro, what should I do with this pickaxe that I crafted?

Scie...
upvote downvote report

What nationality are Minecraft people?

Cuban.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Minecraft

is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

Found out they're adding a Priest villager in the new Minecraft update

I really thought the Creeper was sufficient.
upvote downvote report

I named my Minecraft Realm "Climax"

I wanted a lot of people to come
upvote downvote report

[NSFW] How are US Politicians and Minecraft Youtubers similar?

They both like children
upvote downvote report

Some guy on a Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit

How dare he make such baseless accusations.
upvote downvote report

What do Minecraft fanboys have when they wake up?

Bedrock
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Hitler were alive today, he'd hate playing Minecraft

Whenever he'd start mining diamonds, his generals would yell out "mine fewer!"

I won a Minecraft game without cheating

I did it fair and cube.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If they added a penis mod to Minecraft...

Wouldn't it be called a cock-block?

What’s the queen of England favorite Minecraft item?

Totem of undying
upvote downvote report

If someone made a sculpture in Minecraft of J-Lo.

Would you name it Jenny from the Block?
upvote downvote report

Soviet Russia would've banned Minecraft

Until it was called "Ourcraft"
upvote downvote report

What did the minecraft villager say before he died?

hmm
upvote downvote report

What do Blazes (from Minecraft) and Dutch people have in common

Both live in the nether(lands) and love to blaze it.
upvote downvote report

Why did the Minecraft Java player Cross the Road?

To render the other side
upvote downvote report

A fight happened in my Christian Minecraft server

Nothing too big.Just a little "Frick"tion
upvote downvote report

The Arabic version of Minecraft runs approximately 4% faster.

Because the letters are more aerodynamic.
upvote downvote report

What’s the difference between Minecraft and Lovecraft?

Apparently not much based on Notch’s twitter
upvote downvote report

Minecraft releases a new movie

Critics say its a block buster!
upvote downvote report

A botanist starts playing minecraft, and he becomes a mathematician

He had to calculate the cubic root
upvote downvote report

Why do kids love Minecraft

Because they are Minors.
upvote downvote report

Minecraft is 10 years old

Older than half the people that play the game
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when a person has a boner in Minecraft?

Erectangle

My first date told me to just be myself 100%

So I went home and started playing some Minecraft
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Hitler name his Minecraft worlds?

Mein Kraft

What did the one element say to the other while they were playing Minecraft

Bromine!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to have sex in minecraft

Plant your seeds with a hoe.

I just love the new minecraft update.

It's groundbreaking.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a therapist today for my increasing urge to kill animals

She said killing them in Minecraft doesn’t count

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Minecraft, there are the Overworld Lands, the End Lands, and the...

Nether Lands.

Now I know why I can't play Minecraft in my Dutch class.

What's a pirate's favorite way to say relax?

"Take some arr and arr!"



Thought of it shamelessly while building a pirate ship in Minecraft
upvote downvote report

"Can I get a pet fox?"

While browsing the forums I read a simple post, the question "Can I get a pet fox?"

Clicking inside, I read the top answer. "You can't tame a fox, but you can leash it to a post." Which I thought was a really succinct and apt commentary on how exotic pet ownership is sometimes unfair to speci...
upvote downvote report

How do you scare a Jewish kid in Minecraft?

You get 8 cobblestone.
upvote downvote report

What do you have to allocate in order to crash a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.
upvote downvote report

My speech impediment didn't stop my dad from listening to me when I asked for Minecraft for my birthday.

So why did he give me a book about something called "fascism?"
upvote downvote report

„Wow a PS10! What games do you got?“

„GTA 5, The Witcher 3, Destiny 2 and Minecraft“
upvote downvote report

Generation Z is best known for being hard-working

...within the Minecraft community.
upvote downvote report

What did they call the Minecraft player who built a clock in-game to chime at 4:20?

A Redstoner.
upvote downvote report

A dad and his his 7 year old son

A dad and his so were playing Minecraft one day, and the son asked his dad what should he never do in Minecraft?

The dad answers, go into creative mode because that ruins the game.

He stares his dad dead in the eyes and says, No dad DON’T SPEND YOUR DIAMONDS ON HOES!
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information