UPJOKE
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Not gonna lie, if Amazon and Bing Converged

It'd Be Amazing.

Bill Gates: "Why don't you tell me why Bing failed"

Bill gates: So why don't you tell me why Bing failed.

Board: We feel there was a public nescience towards Bing.

Bill gates: Nescience? Let me Goog- Oh I see what you mean.

Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang"

I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

What's the most searched word on Bing?

Google

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"Hey girl, are you bing?"

"Because i want to use you for porn and then forget all about you"

IamA Bing search engine AMA

Please. Just ask me something.

Guy asks the CEO of Bing what Bing stands for

The CEO replies

Bing
Is
Not
Google

I don't understand how people can spend hours binging netflix

Surely it's the first search result

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

I binged avatar: the last air ended last summer.

Some episodes gave me real Aang-xiety!

OC - What's the binge show of choice for chubby pre-med cows

Graze Anatomy

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An anti-semite goes to a bar

An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.
"Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"
Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch.
The [anti-semite!](http://www.afterfeed.co...

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for

I used Bing to search something the other day.

That's it. That's the whole joke.

Searching on Bing is like asking a woman how old she is.

The result will be 10 years out of date, you will feel harrassed, and you will be more confused than when you started.

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What do I, after a week of game binging, have in common with a hardcore anal porn actress/actor ?

It's a pain in the ass afterwards, and I have to learn to walk again.

Most people browse on Google or Bing...

But I browse on fleek

What do you get when you put a bomb in a bada-Bing?

Bada-Bing-bada-boom!

Why did the Twizzler go binge drinking?

It was feeling liquor-ish

I’m binge-watching this show and they keep doing bits about marathons

Guess it’s some sort of running joke

What do you call a 2020 binge of the Kill Bill movies?

Rentin' Quarantino

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"NSFW" Peter Paul took Peppermint Patty behind the Powerhouse and stuck his Butterfinger up her Cherry Bing.

She let out a Snicker.Nine Mounds later she had a Baby Ruth.

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The Drunk and a priest

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a ...

I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

What did Snoop say Dr. Dre while binge watching their favorite TV show?

Are you ready for the next episode?

Some old college friends asked if I still binge drink

I said I couldn't even remember the last time I blacked out

What do you call an alcoholic on a two week binge?

Fired.

A blonde wants to make some money

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to p...

For the last couple of weeks i've been unable to stop singing songs by Tony Bennet, Nat king Cole, Perry Como and Bing crosby. After a while it all got too much so I went to see my doctor.

Apparently i have crooner virus!

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A drunk stumbles into a confessional...

A drunk stumbles into a confessional after a midday binge. The priest, hearing the commotion on the other side of the divider, assumes the man is having quite the crisis and patiently waits for him to sit down and begin.



After a few moments of silence, to encourage the man to begin hi...

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I caught my son googling really sketchy porn sites, and I was completely heartbroken.

We are strictly a Bing family.

I went shopping the other day for cherries and a new microphone.

Bought a BING, bought a BOOM

Italian Computer Repair shop

Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"

After binge watching CNN, fox, and msnbc - simultaneously - for nearly two days - a man decided he would hang himself in protest of the media's lack of integrity...

Thankfully was unsuccessful. The rope broke.

He probably would be dead right now if not for that fake noose.

A guy from Jersey bought a search engine and some fireworks.

He bought-a-bing and bought-a-boom

If a Google Waterpipe were to be for sale...

Microsoft would soon release a Bing Bong.

It was a midnight journey on the Paris underground.

I stared intently at the floor thinking about the end of my trip to France. Then it started. Tick, tick, tick, bing. Slow and rhythmic but getting gradually louder. Tick tick, tick, bing.

Turning to the old woman on my left I asked her what was happening. She shrugged and tutted then looked...

What's the difference between Disney and Crosby

Bing sings but Walt Disney

3 things parents don't want their daughter to say...

I am pregnant.

I am doing drugs.

Bing is a reliable searching platform.

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If a girl with big boobs works at Hooters, where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP!

---
I've been binging TAHM.

I bought this old Russian car from a guy down the street from me... Little did I know it was fitted with a bomb and warning sound.

The explosion was like Lada-bing, Lada-Boom.

Bill Gates is having a conversation with Paul Allen.

Bill: "How come Bing failed?"

Paul: "Well, let me Goo..."

Bill: "Never mind."

Turns out google is selling your personal data

Bing if true.

What's the difference between a quality microwave and someone who knows a quality search engine when they see it?

the microwave goes Bing.

I only have two new years resolutions. One: to lose the weight I gained since the accident.

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

A son goes up to his dad one morning

He says”I’m starting a search service!” His dad, impressed, goes “That’s a great idea! Just look how well companies like Google and Bing are doing!” The son replies “Oh no dad, not that type of search engine. I’ll find things around the house for you. For example, five dollars, I’ll find your readin...

A lady walks into a perfumery and asks for the perfumer for his finest fragrance.

"Doobie woobie blue bop", says the perfumer.

Confused she looks around and notices that all of the bottles on the shelves are empty. "Do you keep them in the back?" she asks

"Flim flam flibidy blam", says the perfumer.

The lady sniffs the air, then looks at him strangely and as...

My friend invented a machine that turns sheep shearings into cherries. If you put in black wool, you get black cherries. If you put in white wool, you get maraschino cherries.

Red wool gives you bings.

Why don't Italians like Jehova's Witnesses?

They don't like ANY witnesses! Bada-Bing!

Who's the most forgettable Disney/Pixar character?

Bing-Bong

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