My jeweler finally fixed my watch..

I told him it was about time.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at o...

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A rich Yorkshire man is mourning the loss of his dog

He decides to memorialize it by getting a cast made of it. He goes to a jewelers and asks for a gold statue making of its likeness. The jeweler asks, "Do you want it 18 karat?" He replies, "No, I want it chewin a bone, you daft cunt!"

What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?

One sells watches; one watches cells.

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A woman in a jewelers

admiring a large diamond ring. As she bends to take a closer look she lets out a little fart. Hoping no one noticed she smiled and asked “how much is that one?”
The jeweler says “madam if you farted when you just looked at it, when I tell you the price you will shit yourself”.

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Took a diamond ring to the jeweler for appraisal, but all he had was a child’s plastic magnifying glass. I had no choice but to give him a negative review on Yelp,

but I still felt bad that I knocked him for a loupe.

A jeweler and blacksmith gets married. What do they name their kid?

Jaden Smith

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[long] So this guy is working at his jewelry store when a little guy walks in with a stunning, beautiful girl

The jeweler helps the odd couple and keeps showing them all kinds of jewelry. It's the first time he sees this guy, so he pushes the typical, "most affordable" stuff, but the guy doesn't seem to concerned about the prices so he continues showing them even more expensive stuff.

After almost a...

What's the difference between jeweler, a cut down tree, and a sea captain?

A sea captain watches the seas, while a jeweler sees the watches.

Made this one up on the spot at the jewelry store

The jeweler: "Do any of these pieces scream 'take me home' to you?"

Me: if they were screaming, I wouldn't *want* to take them home.

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Why was the jeweler's son sexually molested?

He went to Jared's.

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A lady walks into a jeweler...

A lady walks into a jeweler and spots a lovely diamond necklace. She bends over to take a closer look and lets out a very loud fart. The lady was very embarrassed but when she looked around, there was no one there but the manager.

The manager came over to the lady and asked "Can I help you wi...

An old Jewish man is lying on his deathbed with his wife Becky by his side. He looks to Becky and says "Many years ago Becky we were in Germany when the war began. Becky, you were by my side.

The Germans came and take us to their camps. Becky, you were by my side.

We leave Germany after the war and we come to London and we have very little money. Becky, you were by my side.

We buy the jewelers shop and we have some bad times, we were beaten and robbed. Becky, you were...

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.

The husband wandered off as she was standing in line, saying something about being back in a little bit.

After getting through the line, the husband wasn't back yet and since they still had more shopping to do, the wife called him on the mobile. The wife said, "Where are you?"

He said,...

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Birthday Presents

A rich man and a poor man are talking when the poor man says to the rich man, "My wife's birthday is this week and I don't know what to get her. What did you get your wife for her birthday?"

The rich man says, "I got her a diamond necklace and a Mercedes"

When the poor man asks why he ...

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Jimmy’s wife is tired of him never buying her presents for anything

So she creates a plan to get some nice jewelry and some action for herself. She approaches her husband with a piece of paper, written on it is a list of gifts and rewards. She says, If you start spoiling me I’ll give you something extra each night, a nice dinner gets you a sexy outfit, a necklace ge...

A joke for St. Patricks Day

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.

The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her futu...

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A rich man and a poor man are sitting by a frozen pond one December

They come to discussing the Christmas presents that they've bought for their respective wives. The rich man says "I got my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedez Benz". The poor man is astounded at his rich friend's largess. He asks "why did you get her the jewelry *and* the car?" The rich man says ...

A true story from Warren Buffett

One day Mr. Buffett invited a jeweler over to show some jewels to his other friends during a vacation, but was worried about the security of the hotel.

“See that safe?” the jeweler said. “This afternoon we changed the combination and now even the hotel management doesn’t know what it is.” War...

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A Rich Man and a Poor Man(Seen on The Sopranos)

A rich man, and a poor man share the same wedding anniversary. Every year they meet up to compare gifts. One particular year they meet up on a park bench, and the rich man starts by saying: "I got my wife a diamond ring, and a new Mercedes. That way if the ring isn't right she can drive back to the ...

A young man was going to be married

so he asked his father if he could give his fiance his deceased mother's ring. This was fine with the father.

The father decided to have it appraised for insurance purposes. He asked a lady friend who was a well-known jeweler to do the appraisal; she accepted, and said that her fee would be s...

One Friday, a boy takes a super hot girl to a jewellery shop and buys an expensive necklace.

One Friday, a boy takes a super hot girl to a jewellery shop and picks a diamond necklace worth $100000 for her.

The girl obviously felt awesome. Boy gave a check and said he will collect the necklace on Monday after the check clears.

On Monday the jeweler calls the boy: "There is no ...

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Story of the joke funnier than the joke.

I used to work with this crazy Vietnamese jeweler who was always asking to tell him jokes. One day I remembered one I saw in Playboy many years ago...

A guy is driving home from work and realizes that when fooling around with his secretary, she had given him a hickey on his neck. His mind sta...

Checks and pants

A middle aged man and a hot young girl step into a jewelery store. The man asks the jeweler to show the girl his finest rings. The jeweler obliged does so and after some consideration the girl picks one of the most expensive ones. At the point the man proceeds to write off a check for the ring; the ...

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20 Truths For Mature Humans

http://nookbank.com/jokes

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap ...

So a wealthy Texan's son is getting married...

...and his son asks if he can give his deceased mother's ring to his bride. His father is all for this, and someone suggests that he have it appraised for insurance purposes.

The father has a lady friend who is a professional appraiser, so he invites her to look at the ring. She agrees, and s...

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