Jehovah Jokes

TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors

A Jehovah’s Witness knocked at my door this morning.

“Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day?” he asked.

“Well,” I replied, “I’m not a big fan of the Terminator series.” I Said

Jehovah’s Witness don’t celebrate Halloween.

I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their door.

What r two words u should never say to a Jehovah’s Witness?

Come in!

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness are lost..

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

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I just bought a Jehovah's Witness advent calendar

Behind every door, someone tells you to fuck off

A group of Jehovah's witnesses were walking around in a big city.

One of them said " looking at beautiful women is a sin. So, whenever you see one, always say "Oh Lord! Forgive me".

After sometime one of them said "Oh Lord! Forgive me"

Everyone else said "where?"

The Jehovah's Witness don't seem to get the hint with my Koran, so...

Islam the door in their face

Why are there so few Jehovah's Witnesses in Sicily?

Sicilians aren't keen about witnesses.

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

A Vegan, Jehovah Witness and Keto Trainer walk into a bar...

* Everybody Leaves *

Two Jehovah's Witnesses die and go to Heaven.

As they're knocking at the Pearly Gates, St Peter turns around and whispers...

"Turn out the lights and everybody be quiet!! Maybe they'll think we're not home."

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah’s Witness with a Atheist?

Someone knocking on your door for no reason.

Jehovah’s Witnesses have some strange beliefs.

Like they believe I’m gonna open the door.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

Why don't the Clintons like Jehovah's Witnesses?

The Clintons don't like ANY witn

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" ...

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses favorite type of car?

A CONVERTable

Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness

I said, "Hey man I didn't even see the accident"

How many Jehovah'a witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it, and two to go to your house and ask if you've seen the light.

In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.

They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind

"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

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A jehovah’s witness knocks on a door

An old jew opens it. The jehovah’s witness asks “excuse me, sir, but have you had a chance to read the bible?”

“Oh, my dear,” replies the jew, “we wrote it.”

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can’t get him off my porch

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I need help.

The door is locked

Want to hear a joke about Jehovah's Witnesses?

Knock knock....

What is a Jehovahs Witness favorite band?

The Doors

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

A Jehovah's Witness starts a knock knock joke...

...but no one ever answers.

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

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Jehovah's witnesses are always banging on my door everyday

Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah’s Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was hanging out with a Jehovahs Witness.

He got really pissed at me.

He tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.

A blonde was called into court recently

She was so dumb, she asked a Jehovah's Witness what they saw.

(If this is offensive to anyone, I'll delete it.)

What’s a quick way to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses?

Ask them if they’re here for the orgy.

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door yesterday...

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in. He said, "Yeah, okay." I said "I'm just making a cup of tea, do you want one?" He said, "Yeah, sure." I said, "I've just made some toast do you want a slice?" He said, "Yeah, why not." We sat down ...

Some Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door and asked me if I'd found Jesus.

I told them, "I didn't know he was lost."

I would tell a joke about Jehovah's witnesses...

But nobody likes knock-knock jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a Jehovah's Witness says a girl has nice knockers...

...is he referring to her breasts or her knuckles?

Which educational institute did many Jehovah's Witnesses graduate from?

The School of Hard Knocks.

What song do they play at a Jehovah's witness funeral?

♪Knock, knock, knockin on Heavens door♪

I've just joined the Jehovah's Observers.

It's like being a Jehovah's Witness but we don't like to get involved.

I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today...

...he started telling me a knock-knock joke, but I wouldn't answer.

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?

Me: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!

Jehovah's Witness

I was just wondering………..if a Jehovah’s Witness dies and goes to heaven and knocks on heaven’s door….. does Saint Peter answer the door or does he hide like the rest of us???

What's the worst thing about being a Jehovah's witness?

Nobody asks, 'who's there?' when you try and tell a knock knock joke.

a jehovah witness asks a boy sitting outside a house playing on his phone if his parents are home..

"yes they are" says the boy without looking.
The jehovah witness knocks on the door for a while and nobody comes out, so he asks the boy: "Are you sure your parents are home?"
yes i'm sure says the boy.
After knocking on the door again and after no getting a response the man says "Are you ...

A couple of Jehovah witnesses!

A couple of Jehovah witnesses knocked on my door. When I answered, they asked "If they could come in and talk to me about Jesus."

I said sure and walked them to my living room. After sitting down on the sectional, I said ok what do you want to talk about?

They replied, " we're not real...

When Jehovah's witnesses knock on my door...

I just tell them "Sorry, I'm Jehovah's Prosecutor and shouldn't be talking with you."

There’s a new gym in town that’s religious

It’s called Jehovah’s Fitness

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

...knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing?

God is in an argument with Jehovah...

about which one of their faiths is the true one.

"That's it, I've had it with this! I am taking the matter to the supreme court." he said

"I'd like to see you try." said Jehovah. "I have witnesses."

A Jehovah's witness knocks on a Mexican's door.

The Jehovah's Witness asks, would you like to know Jesus?

The Mexican said, I already do. He's next door.

A rabbi, a priest and an imam discuss about what they do with the money their community put into their offering bag.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every...

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Funny you should say that... [long]

A middle-aged Jewish man goes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi, you gotta help me. It's my son. For 30 years he's a Jew, and now bam! He says he's a Christian!"

"Funny you should say that," the Rabbi replies. "I'm having the same problem with my kid. Let's go see Rabbi Rabinowitz, the Elder....

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?

They prefer to not have windows.

[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. ...

I wasn't allowed into the house party.

That's the last time I go to one dressed as a Jehovah's witness.

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

I'm going to open a gym with power walking and door knocking classes.

I'll call it Jehovah's Fitness.

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John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

Paddy says to Mick.

Paddy says I just got handed a leaflet from a couple of guys, it said be a Jehovah's witness, Mick says what did you tell them?

Paddy replied, I didn't even see the accident, so how can I be a witness?

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