Jehovah Jokes

TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness are lost..

They wander across a farmstead and ask to spend the night.

"I only have room for two, so one of you will have to stay in the barn," says the Farm Owner.

The Hindu immediately volunteers, insisting it's no problem. However, a few minutes later, he knocks on the front door.

"I'm s...

Jehovah’s Witnesses have some strange beliefs.

Like they believe I’m gonna open the door.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

A Jehovah’s Witness knocked at my door this morning.

“Could you spare a few moments to talk about the Judgement Day?” he asked.

“Well,” I replied, “I’m not a big fan of the Terminator series.” I Said

What r two words u should never say to a Jehovah’s Witness?

Come in!

Why are there so few Jehovah's Witnesses in Sicily?

Sicilians aren't keen about witnesses.

A group of Jehovah's witnesses were walking around in a big city.

One of them said " looking at beautiful women is a sin. So, whenever you see one, always say "Oh Lord! Forgive me".

After sometime one of them said "Oh Lord! Forgive me"

Everyone else said "where?"

Two Jehovah's Witnesses die and go to Heaven.

As they're knocking at the Pearly Gates, St Peter turns around and whispers...

"Turn out the lights and everybody be quiet!! Maybe they'll think we're not home."

Jehovah’s Witness don’t celebrate Halloween.

I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their door.

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

A Vegan, Jehovah Witness and Keto Trainer walk into a bar...

* Everybody Leaves *

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

What do you get when you mix a Jehovah’s Witness with a Atheist?

Someone knocking on your door for no reason.

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

How many Jehovah'a witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to change it, and two to go to your house and ask if you've seen the light.

In getting tired of the jehovah witnesses.

They keep knocking on the door, trying to make me change my mind

"Please let us out!", "We won't bother you again!", "Have mercy!"

If you get an email with the subject "knock knock", dont open it.

It's a Jehovah Witness working from home.

What is a Jehovahs Witness favorite band?

The Doors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got an advent calendar for Jehovah's Witnesses...

Every time you open a door, someone tells you to fuck off.

What's a Jehovah's Witnesses favorite type of car?

A CONVERTable

Guy comes to my door and asks if I want to be a Jehovah's Witness

I said, "Hey man I didn't even see the accident"

I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I need help.

The door is locked

Want to hear a joke about Jehovah's Witnesses?

Knock knock....

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door...

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was hanging out with a Jehovahs Witness.

He got really pissed at me.

He tried to tell me a knock knock joke and I ignored him.

A Jehovah's Witness starts a knock knock joke...

...but no one ever answers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jehovah’s witness knocks on a door

An old jew opens it. The jehovah’s witness asks “excuse me, sir, but have you had a chance to read the bible?”

“Oh, my dear,” replies the jew, “we wrote it.”

I got a Jehovah's Witness themed advent calender this year....

I didn't open any of the doors.

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?

I have no idea but I can’t get him off my porch

What’s a quick way to get rid of Jehovah’s Witnesses?

Ask them if they’re here for the orgy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jehovah's witnesses are always banging on my door everyday

Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.

An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah’s Witness.

Soon after, there was an open door policy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a Jehovah's Witness says a girl has nice knockers...

...is he referring to her breasts or her knuckles?

A rabbi, a priest and an imam discuss about what they do with the money their community put into their offering bag.

The rabbi says “I draw a small circle onto the ground, then I throw all the money into the air. The coins that land in the circle I keep for myself. The rest is for Jehovah and the synagogue”

The imam replies “I do almost the same. I draw a big circle onto the group, throw the money and every...

Some Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door and asked me if I'd found Jesus.

I told them, "I didn't know he was lost."

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door yesterday...

A Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in. He said, "Yeah, okay." I said "I'm just making a cup of tea, do you want one?" He said, "Yeah, sure." I said, "I've just made some toast do you want a slice?" He said, "Yeah, why not." We sat down ...

There’s a new gym in town that’s religious

It’s called Jehovah’s Fitness

I would tell a joke about Jehovah's witnesses...

But nobody likes knock-knock jokes

Which educational institute did many Jehovah's Witnesses graduate from?

The School of Hard Knocks.

I've just joined the Jehovah's Observers.

It's like being a Jehovah's Witness but we don't like to get involved.

I'm so lonely

Even Jehovah's Witnesses won't knock on my door because they know I just want to talk.

A couple of Jehovah witnesses!

A couple of Jehovah witnesses knocked on my door. When I answered, they asked "If they could come in and talk to me about Jesus."

I said sure and walked them to my living room. After sitting down on the sectional, I said ok what do you want to talk about?

They replied, " we're not real...

Jehovah's Witnesses

Jehovahs Witnesses: Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior?

Me: Of course! please come in!

[door slams shut and locks, lights dim, PowerPoint presentation begins]]

Me: But first I wanna tell you about a timeshare opportunity!!!

I upset a Jehovah's Witness at work today...

...he started telling me a knock-knock joke, but I wouldn't answer.

Jehovah's Witness

I was just wondering………..if a Jehovah’s Witness dies and goes to heaven and knocks on heaven’s door….. does Saint Peter answer the door or does he hide like the rest of us???

What song do they play at a Jehovah's witness funeral?

♪Knock, knock, knockin on Heavens door♪

What's the worst thing about being a Jehovah's witness?

Nobody asks, 'who's there?' when you try and tell a knock knock joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funny you should say that... [long]

A middle-aged Jewish man goes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi, you gotta help me. It's my son. For 30 years he's a Jew, and now bam! He says he's a Christian!"

"Funny you should say that," the Rabbi replies. "I'm having the same problem with my kid. Let's go see Rabbi Rabinowitz, the Elder....

What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist with a Jehovah's Witness?

...knock knock knock... excuse me sir, but do you have a few minutes to discuss nothing?

An Atheist, a Vegan, and a Jehovah's Witness walk into a bar..

I know because they told everyone in less than a minute.

a jehovah witness asks a boy sitting outside a house playing on his phone if his parents are home..

"yes they are" says the boy without looking.
The jehovah witness knocks on the door for a while and nobody comes out, so he asks the boy: "Are you sure your parents are home?"
yes i'm sure says the boy.
After knocking on the door again and after no getting a response the man says "Are you ...

I wasn't allowed into the house party.

That's the last time I go to one dressed as a Jehovah's witness.

Why do Jehovah's Witnesses use Macs?

They prefer to not have windows.

[For those that don't get it, their churches, called "Kingdom Halls", frequently are built without windows. The official reason given is to avoid vandalism but the real reason is usually secrecy. Generally if the group builds a church it won't have windows. ...

God is in an argument with Jehovah...

about which one of their faiths is the true one.

"That's it, I've had it with this! I am taking the matter to the supreme court." he said

"I'd like to see you try." said Jehovah. "I have witnesses."

A Jehovah's witness knocks on a Mexican's door.

The Jehovah's Witness asks, would you like to know Jesus?

The Mexican said, I already do. He's next door.

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

I'm going to open a gym with power walking and door knocking classes.

I'll call it Jehovah's Fitness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John arrives in heaven and...

...at the entrance St. Peter shows him a high, high-rise building where he must enter.

The problem is that the building does not have an elevator so they slowly take the stairs.

On the first floor there is a corridor with doors on both sides and from all rooms there can be heard religi...

What do you call someone who comes over uninvited and tries to get you to work out with them?

A Jehovah fitness.

Some folks came to my door this morning....

And asked if I would consider being a Jehovah's Witness.

I had to be honest and told them I hadn't seen the accident.

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