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Watchmaker Jokes

What do you get when you cross a herbalist and a watchmaker?

A thyme keeper.

Watchmakers

Do you think watchmakers ever take a day off to unwind?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

I recently lost my job as a watchmaker

I got told it was because I stood around and made faces all day.

What last name does the Irish Watchmaker have?

O'clock

Why did the German watchmaker say to the watch that kept saying "Tick, tick, tick, tick,..."?

"Ve haff vays of meking you tock."

Why did the watchmaker put the watch in the microwave?

Because the time had frozen.

Why did the watchmaker punch the watch?

Because someone said it needed a battery.

Never made up a joke before.

Death and the Watchmaker

Death walks into a blind watchmaker's shop. All the watches in the store were stolen, but the watchmaker is still sitting by the register. Death looks around the store, sighs and says, "Can't you see you're out of time?"

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A man walks into a watchmakers...

...drops his pants, and proudly whips his dick out on the counter.

The woman behind the desk, unperturbed, says "This is a clock shop, not a cock shop".

The man turns to her, replying, "Then put two hands on this!"

I invented a device to disrupt the watchmaking industry. I emailed a proposition to a French watchmaker. Their response?

Seiko Killer? Qu'est-ce que c'est?

If a watchmaker uses Dial and a piano player uses Ivory and a Orange grower uses Zest...

...Does a Bull Fighter use Olay?

I have this great joke about a watchmaker

I wish I could tell it better but my timing is off.

Did you hear about the watchmaker who invented a chronometer with 11 different dials?

He must have had a lot of time on his hands.

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A runner, a watchmaker and a doctor

are having a nice chat. Said the runner: "I'm 50 years old, but I can still run a 7 minute mile". The others are like "Man, I can't believe it, you're something". After a while it's the watchmaker's time to boast: "I'm 60 years old and I can still fix watches without using a magnifying glass". The o...

A man walks into a watchmakers shop, walks up to the assistant and drops his trousers in front of her.

She looks at him for a moment, sighs, and says "sir, we only service watches and clocks, please put THAT away."

The man replies "It IS a clock, but it's missing a few things, so would you mind putting two hands and a face on it?"

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Old pocket watch stopps to work and needs a repairservice.

When a old men had given his watch to the watchmaker for a service and the guy tells him that a cockroach is in there witch stoped the clock. The old men answers: Oh yes i understand the operater is dead, so the watch cant work anymore. Did you have spare roaches?

So my clock only went "tick tick tick"...

and I took it in to a German watchmaker. He looked at it menacingly and said "Ve have vays of making you tock."

help me figure out this riddle!

a farmer has 2 sons. one is a "good boy" and the other is "a bump on a log". the farmer takes his cow into town and sells it to a butcher. then he goes to a watchmaker and buys a watch. WHO DOES HE GIVE THE WATCH TO?

this is some dutch riddle, so the "" are translated words

A Broken Watch

A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.

The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the propr...

There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy... (x-post /r/dadjokes)

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this sm...

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