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Midas Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Medusa, King Midas, and Oedipus raised a child together

That would be one stone, gold motherfucker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas.

It was motherfucking gold.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oedipus, Aphrodite and Midas walk into a bar...

... I forget the rest but I can assure you it’s mother-fucking gold.

What was king Midas’ favorite pet?

A golden retriever

Why did none of the women King Midas dated want to marry him?

They got gold feet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine if King Midas touched his wife...

... while having sex.

That’ll be fucking gold.

We have all heard of the Midas Touch...

From the looks of things 2020 was given the Trump Touch.

What do Wall Street and King Midas have in common?

Goldman Sachs

What did King Midas say to the young centaur?

Stay gold, ponyboy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you met Midas' brother Colitis?

Everything he touches turns to shit.

What did King Midas say to get peoples attention?

Eh you!!

King Midas doesn't like baths

He likes golden showers.

I was looking back on jokes with King Midas

Trust me, they're old but gold

King Midas got a Twitter account and stared to post pictures of things he'd turned to gold. Within a days time every single tweet would land at exactly 1000 likes and 1618 comments.

I guess you could say all of his tweets were golden ratioed.

A very unlucky man finds a strange looking lamp, and when he touches it, a genie pops out.

The genie tells him he has one wish

The man says "Wow, finally my bad luck will come to an end!"

After thinking about it for a long time, he says "I wish I had the midas touch"

The genie grants his wish, and for the rest of that mans life everything he touched turned into a muf...

Three wise kings debated gifts for an upcoming baby shower.

"I've got it!" the first proclaimed. "Myrrh! I'll get some from our stores! The mother could make all manner of perfumes and medicine!"

"Fantastic idea!" the second agreed, and he gasped, "Frankincense! I have a bit left over from a recent voyage! I'll bring some along!"

They turned ...

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