UPJOKE
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Have you heard the joke about Oedipus and Midas?

It's motherfucking gold.

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If Medusa, King Midas, and Oedipus raised a child together

That would be one stone, gold motherfucker

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Oedipus, Aphrodite and Midas walk into a bar...

... I forget the rest but I can assure you it’s mother-fucking gold.

What was king Midas’ favorite pet?

A golden retriever

We have all heard of the Midas Touch...

From the looks of things 2020 was given the Trump Touch.

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Imagine if King Midas touched his wife...

... while having sex.

That’ll be fucking gold.

What do Wall Street and King Midas have in common?

Goldman Sachs

King Midas got a Twitter account and stared to post pictures of things he'd turned to gold. Within a days time every single tweet would land at exactly 1000 likes and 1618 comments.

I guess you could say all of his tweets were golden ratioed.

What did King Midas say to the young centaur?

Stay gold, ponyboy

What did King Midas say to get peoples attention?

Eh you!!

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Have you met Midas' brother Colitis?

Everything he touches turns to shit.

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Did you hear about the boy King Midas molested?

They settled out of court for a dick load of gold.

King Midas doesn't like baths

He likes golden showers.

Three wise kings debated gifts for an upcoming baby shower.

"I've got it!" the first proclaimed. "Myrrh! I'll get some from our stores! The mother could make all manner of perfumes and medicine!"

"Fantastic idea!" the second agreed, and he gasped, "Frankincense! I have a bit left over from a recent voyage! I'll bring some along!"

They turned ...

I asked an artist friend of mine to draw me a golden wishing well

He replied 'Eh, Midas well"

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