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The headmistress at my exclusive girl’s college was lecturing us on Sexual morality......

“In moments of temptation,” she said to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

She got so furious when I got up and asked “How do you make it last an hour?”

An American is lecturing a British person,

saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day...

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, rig...

Before lecturing her Sunday school class on heaven and hell, the teacher asked her students "Do you know where girls and boys go when they do bad things"?

"Sure" a boy replied, "Behind Kristin's garage"

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A history professor is lecturing his class on changing beauty standards. He shows his class a black-and-white picture of a woman who is 4'10" and has very small breasts.

"This woman won several beauty pageants in the 1930s," says the professor. "Do you think she'd do very well in a beauty pageant today?"

"Definitely not," says one of the students.

"What makes you say that?" implores the prof.

"Well," says the student, "she's very, very old today...

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A burly sailor gets brought into an infirmary staffed by a bunch of postulate nuns, girls barely 18 preparing to become full nuns, and of course, supervised by a few gruff looking nuns.

Being good Catholics in a small Newfoundland seaside town, such oddities rarely found their way to their front door. The elder nuns insisted that only they would attend to him. The next evening there was a crash and a scream!! The sister ran out the door as fast as she could.

Sister Marry Cla...

A mother walrus is lecturing her child

wagging her flipper, she lectures "you shouldn't be selfish, after all it's walrUS, not walri.". The child walrus, thinking walrus was a Latin word, is naturally confused.

So a teacher was lecturing his student...

Teacher: Billy! You have failed your tests again, When Lincoln was your age he was the top student in his class!


Billy: Yeah, but when he was your age he was President of the US already.

A math teacher was lecturing his class

Suddenly, the professor popped a question,‘What is ((353.44634×153×15)+799²-285)×69-0.2 equal to?’

The students were really confused, one who was extremely frustrated stands up and yells and slams on his table,‘NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN!’ The teacher was impressed and said,‘ Cor...

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Plato is lecturing his students on the nature of change and how nothing is ever constant.

To drive his point home, he asks his students to give him an example of something definite.
"Master," says the first, "the leaves on the trees are definitely green."
"Not true," answers Plato, "for they can appear brown, yellow, or orange in the autumn months."
"Master," says the second, "t...

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The wrestling match was about to begin...

...and the Contender's coach was once again lecturing the Contender.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-don't let the Champion get you in The Pretzel! No one has ever been able to get out of The Pretzel!"

The Contender nodded his head, getting ready for the match. "...

Sunday School

A little boy and a little girl were at Sunday school one week. Throughout the lecture, the little boy kept poking the girl with his pencil.

About ten minutes of poking and lecturing later, the teacher asks "Who created the earth?"

Little girl, tired of being poked by the pencil, slams ...

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You can develop hearing problems from having too much sex...

A doctor is lecturing a patient on his hearing loss. He says "You can develop hearing problems from having too much sex, if it's a very specific kind of very kinky, very immoral sex."

The patient says "What kind is it?".

The doctor replied "Oh, it s about a quarter to three..."

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