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Jump Off Jokes

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Homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge

A homeless man is walking along a road, and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine...

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.
While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
She does, an...

A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building

So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.



The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.


...

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building...

He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Saw a guy about to jump off a bridge

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said: "Yes."

I said: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian, an American, and a British admiral were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors

.

The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.”

He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up.”

The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front o...

A man is about to jump off from a bridge

Just as he's about to take the final leap, a woman yells out at him in the distance.

"Wait! Hold on!"

He's startled, looks over. He sees a cute young woman running towards him, her face conveying deep emotion. She yells out "Wait, just hear me out!"

He's touched. No one has ever...

A guy threatens to jump off the balcony of a penthouse bar

As the crowd gathers around, a regular sitting at the bar turns to the guy next to him and says “Fifty bucks he doesn’t do it.”

Lo and behold the man falls to his death, and the regular pays up.

The following day, the bar TV broadcasts the man who committed suicide on the news. The reg...

I'd jump off the edge

If I was a flat earther.

A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge

When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."

Why did the kids jump off the pier?

Peer Pressure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Jew jump off the cliff?

He couldn’t resist a free fall.

What did the guy jump off the Eiffel Tower?

He was in Seine!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ex-businessman, now bankrupt, is preparing to jump off a bridge...

As he's about to step into the void, a hand grabs him from behind.


He turns back annoyed and sees that the hand belongs to an old bearded overweight guy.


"Why did you stop me you old fool?"


"Have you gone mad my son? You were about to kill yourself!" The old ma...

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Mankind

Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.

They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.

Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.

Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. ...

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filthy old man

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off.

An old homeless man who was wandering by stopped and said

"Look since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"

She screamed "NO! Fuck off y...

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A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men...

The army general says, "Alright, I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!"

The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"

The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"

Without hesitating, the private kills the man.

The gener...

Guess how long it takes to jump off a tall building?

The rest of your life

Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris

is in-Seine.

A student was standing at the edge of the roof of his school and was about jump off and commit suicide.

Suddenly from the school grounds his physics teacher yells to him, "Don't jump, you've got lots of potential!"

Why didn't the penguin jump off of the iceberg?

He got cold feet.

The hells angels are riding....

On January 13th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, California bikers were riding along Colorado Street in Pasadena when they saw a girl about to jump off Pasadena's Suicide Bridge. So they stopped.
John, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the S...

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A suicidal man is about to jump off a building..

when he sees an armless man happily dancing & jumping on the street and he thinks: "Here I am with a complete set of limbs & miserable while an armless man is happy with his life. I better go down to him and ask him what's his secret to his happiness.."

So, he comes down the building ...

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There was a very, very unlucky man with a single testicle.

One day, he went on a plane. Unfortunately, a malfunction occurred. The flight crew announced that the plane was going down and one of the passengers had to be thrown out to reduce weight.

To determine the victim, passengers drew lots, and the unlucky man was chosen. He refused furiously, say...

Why did Hellen Keller's dog jump off a cliff?

If your name was *blpbleblpebplplb*, you would too

What does a physicist say when they see somebody jump off a cliff

They shake their head and say “So much wasted potential”

Lately people have been trying to get me to jump off a dock

But I don't give into pier pressure.

A skydiving company was taken to court because they let a man jump off without a parachute.

In response, the company said “We did tell him he could only do it once.”

I can jump off this roof, or I can climb down.

I prefer the ladder.

How do you make a sheep jump off a cliff?

Put a redneck behind it.

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.

He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and do a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down when he saw a man skipping along, whistli...

"If you don't go out with me I'll jump off a 300-foot cliff."

"Sounds like a lot of bluff to me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[long] A man with one arm wanted to jump off a bridge to end his life...

...when questioned why by pedestrians, he exclaimed "I can't do it anymore, I'm sick of being disadvantaged, I'm always so unhappy!"

A pedestrian pointed out another man further down the bridge, who had no arms, and had drawn a crowd dancing - "look, it can't be that bad. See how happy that g...

A man and a blonde are in a bar, watching the evening news. They describe the story of a man threatening to jump off a building

The man turns to the woman and says, “I’ll bet you $10 that he jumps”

The woman agrees to this bet, and they continue to watch. The man jumps off the building. Disappointed, the woman turns to hand him $10

The man declines the money. he says sheepishly, “I can’t take your money, I sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jump off the magic mountain and scream what you want to be...... said the monk

The first guy ran and jumped off the mountain and said " Eagle". In the blink of an eye he transformed into an eagle and flew away.

The second guy ran and jumped off the mountain and said "Tiger". He instantly turned into tiger and ran off into the sunset.

Determined not to be out done...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question, "Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?" The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! ...

A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff at the exact same time. Who hits the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

After eating 100 rubber balls, I got so depressed that I decided to jump off a tall building

but I bounced back

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