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Tartan Jokes

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A Scottish woman walks into a store. She has a shopping for a .

The clerk shows her a white one. She declines it. He shows her a black . She declines it again. She looks over his shoulder and asks how much the tartan is. He replies “Ma’am, that is my thermos”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son asked me to get a tartan shirt for his birthday.

So far I've only got him the prostitute.

I live in Edinburgh, and I went with a friend to help him get his clothes for a wedding...

We were in the shop, and my friend spoke to the tailor and said he wasn't sure whether he should get a kilt or trews for the ceremony, so the tailor asked him "What's the tartan?"
"Oh she'll be wearing a white dress, I suppose..."

A Scotsman on his deathbed

A Scotsman was close to death, and asked that his sons be brought to him before it was too late.

The oldest son went in to see him and the father said:
“Son, I’m aboot to die, and I’d like ta gi ye a little somethin’ ta remember me by”

“Well, da, ye know I’ve always wanted a tartan ...

My dad died last year. among the things he left us in his Legacy :

were some jump leads,

a tartan blanket

and the original Subaru owners manual.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last Christmas I gave my grandad a prostitute and a duvet....

Which surprised him, as he'd actually asked for a tartan blanket.

Jack wants to take Emily to the prom,

And he creates a list of things he needs to do before the big night.

1. Hire a Limo

2. Hire a Kilt

3. Buy Emily some flowers


So Jack heads to the limo shop and spends a while looking through the different models available. But the line at he limo shop was really lon...

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

“‘Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."


Archie nods approvingly.


"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The shop

A woman shyly goes into a shop. She tells the man there that she's interested in buying a but has no experience with these things.
"Well how about *this* one?" he asks. "It's gentle, not too big, and very popular with beginners."
"How much is it?"
"$50."
The woman buys...
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