A man is going to a wedding and tells his friend he will be wearing a kilt.

"What's the tartan?" his friend asks.


"She's just gonna wear a dress"

I live in Edinburgh, and I went with a friend to help him get his clothes for a wedding...

We were in the shop, and my friend spoke to the tailor and said he wasn't sure whether he should get a kilt or trews for the ceremony, so the tailor asked him "What's the tartan?"
"Oh she'll be wearing a white dress, I suppose..."

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My son asked me to get a tartan shirt for his birthday.

So far I've only got him the prostitute.

Jack wants to take Emily to the prom,

And he creates a list of things he needs to do before the big night.

1. Hire a Limo

2. Hire a Kilt

3. Buy Emily some flowers


So Jack heads to the limo shop and spends a while looking through the different models available. But the line at he limo shop was really lon...

My dad died last year. among the things he left us in his Legacy :

were some jump leads,

a tartan blanket

and the original Subaru owners manual.

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock's forthcoming wedding.

β€œβ€˜Och, it's all going magic," says Jock. "I've got everything organised already, the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night."


Archie nods approvingly.


"Hell, I've even bought a kilt to be married in," continues Jock.

...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The sex shop

A woman shyly goes into a sex shop. She tells the man there that she's interested in buying a dildo but has no experience with these things.
"Well how about *this* one?" he asks. "It's gentle, not too big, and very popular with beginners."
"How much is it?"
"$50."
The woman buys...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Last Christmas I gave my grandad a prostitute and a duvet....

Which surprised him, as he'd actually asked for a tartan blanket.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A stormy night.

A man walks through the highlands in a battering storm and sees a castle on a hill.

He trudges up to it and knocks on the door.

A man wearing a kilt and tartan opens the door.

"Hello there, it is a horrid night and I were wondering if I could stay for the night."

"Aye, yo...

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