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Rastafarian Jokes

A rastafarian's bus fare

A Rasta was sitting in the bus in Jamaica and he was looking for his bus fare but he couldn't find it. So he shouted out that whoever took his bus fare better return it, or what happened in 1976 would have to happen again.

So everyone panicked and started scrambling to find the man's bus fare...

What do you call an exasperated Rastafarian?

Sigh-mon

What do you say to an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah bless

How does a Rastafarian dictatorship disseminate misinformation into its population?

Propaganja.

What haircut does a Rastafarian ask for when he is questioning life?

Existential dreads

Why did the rastafarian go to the doctor?

He had bad joints.

If Friedrich Nietzsche had been a Rastafarian,

Would he have had existential dreads?

What do you call a Semitic Rastafarian Gangster?

Jew-Mon-G

Where did the dyslexic Rastafarian go on holiday?

Yeman

Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig?

We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

Why didn’t the Rastafarian get a haircut?

He was dreading it

Why did the Rastafarian refuse to cut his hair for ten years?

He was dreading it.

Where does a Rastafarian save his pictures?

In DA BUMBACLOUD

A Rabbi, a Rastafarian and 2 Chainz walk into a bar.

Robin Williams whispers, "Jew. Mon. G."

Why are Rastafarians afraid to secure their houses at night?

Because they dread locks.

I always hate going to my Rastafarian friends house

its dreadful

What if a group of knights became Rastafarian?

They would be knights of the highest order!

Why did the Rastafarian change his hair style?

Because it was dreadful.

What do you call a hot tub full of rastafarians

Jah-cuzzie

Two Rastafarians go to the river in Egypt and one of them gets in and says "Ey, mon, me not get wet"; his friend replies

"Ya right, mon, you in denial"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A summary of the world's religions

Catholicism: Shit happens.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this shit and smoke...

What is a Rastafarian's favorite country?

Yemen

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier… Shocked, the cashier asks..’What’s this for?’ The Rastafarian replies..’Me here to open a joint account’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To propose to his girlfriend Wendy, Bill tattooed her name on his...

Penis. Unfortunately, when he was soft, only the 'W' and 'Y' were visible. Nonetheless, the proposal went well when he whipped it out for her, and Wendy accepted happily.

Not long after the proposal, they married and went on a Jamaican honeymoon. At the airport, Bill had to stop and take ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alternate meanings

From The Washington Post

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanati...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

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