Hawaiian woodpecker and Californian woodpecker

A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker who had managed to fly across the ocean to Hawaii, were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Hawaiian woodpecker led him to a tree that no woodpecker could peck!
The Californian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecke...

How did the Hawaiian hipster die?

He walked on lava before it was cool.

What do you call a Hawaiian rimjob?

Pacific Rim

Three guys go hunting...

Three guys, a Samoan, a Hawaiian, and a Portuguese, all go hunting on different days.

The Samoan goes on the first day and comes back with a piglet.

The other two ask him how he caught it and he replied “I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and got the game”.

The next day, ...

Did you know Hawaiians never laugh very loud?

They just give aloha!



Credit to the roommate, caught me off guard

What's a quiet Hawaiian laugh?

Aloha.

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

Did you hear about the guy who burnt his house down buy overcooking a Hawaiian pizza?

###He should have cooked it at aloha temperature...


I know where the door is.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old lamp.

He thinks he could sell it so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie.
The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude."
The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it.
The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 ...

Why aren't Hawaiian greeters professional?

They are leimen.

I'm thinking of opening a Hawaiian-Jamaican fusion restaurant...

and calling it Pokemon

A letter an 83-year-old lady wrote to her grandson.

My dear grandson,



Some days ago, I experienced something wonderful, which I want to share with you.

I went to a religious shop and found a car sticker saying: "Honk if you love God!"

I decided to buy it and stick it on the bumper of my car.

When I went away, I was...

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. ...

You should never play a fighting game against a Hawaiian,

They love Spam

How do Hawaiians react to a reposted joke?

A low ha.

I was really thirsty so I reached for the Hawaiian Sun to drink

Unfortunately, it was empty. Someone else had beat me to the punch.

After a long hard day my wife asked to cook her an Hawaiian pizza!

She wasn’t to happy to see i’d burnt her dinner, after all I should’ve cooked it on aloha temperature!

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

Google Pizza

Man: Hello! Gusto Pizza?

Phone: No sir it's Google pizza.

M: Oh sorry, wrong number

P: Sir, Google bought Gusto

M: Oh, may I order?

P: Would you like your usual?

M: My usual? You know my usual?

P: According to our caller ID, your last 10 orders were f...

I was loudly advertising my Hawaiian finger-food stand in a public place and everybody started running away - wtf...

"Aloha Snackbar!" "Aloha Snackbar!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, my favorite dessert?

Coconut cream pie

If two Hawaiians are having a conversation on the U.S.S. Nimitz...

... do they speak carrier pidgin?

What happens when you spike Hawaiian Punch?

It gets a lil' kick. :)

Mile High Club

Airplane pilot comes on the intercom and says "folks, to save the lives of the other 127 people on this plane, 3 of you will have to jump."

Everyone looks around and finally a Frenchman stands up and says "in the name of France, I'll jump. Viva la France!" And he jumps out of the plane.
...

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The first time I had sex, my girlfriend took off my Hawaiian shirt

You can say she deflowered me.

What do you call Hawaiian building blocks?

Leigos

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk" if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of people went to eat

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan...

At the grocery store my daughter wanted a drink...

So I gave her $3 and sent her on her way. She came back a few minutes later and said "Daddy! The line is too long at the register". I said "Okay, no worries we'll go somewhere else". We walked out of the grocery store to the restaurant across the street. She went inside, and again there was a huge ...

What's the favorite game played by Hawaiian children these days?

The floor is lava.

What did the affectionate volcano tell the Hawaiian homeowner?

"I lava you."

A Mexican, a Hawaiian and a US Army member are on a plane...

When the pilot tells them that they must shed weight or they will not have enough fuel to make it to their destination. Each member of the plane must throw one of their bags from the plane.

The Mexican grabs a box full of tacos and tosses it from the plane. A minute later a little girl on the...

A father is planning a birthday party for his son, who is a huge Phillies fan.

The father recently befriended a sports agent, so he reaches out:

"Hey Mike, my kid's birthday is coming up on the 27th and I wanted to see if you could pull some strings to have someone from the Phillies make an appearance at his party."

"Yeah, I think Shane Victorino is actually gonn...

How do Hawaiians greet Admiral Ackbar?

Aloha Ackbar!

What do you get when you cross a terrorist and a Hawaiian food truck?

Aloha snack bar!


I'm sorry

What did the Hawaiian say to the visiting school kids about Mt. Kilauea?

This blows.

What did the Hawaiian terrorists say when they blew up a restaurant?

ALOHA SNACKBAR

Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

Mahalo bro lights.

A man goes to the circus and sees a line of people.

A man goes to the circus and sees a line of people. It extends far into the distance. The man walks up to a person in the line and asks him,

"Sir, what is this line for?"

The person replies,

"Go to the front."

So the man walks up the line. and he keeps walking, and walkin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Saitama from One Punch Man was from Hawaii instead of Japan

Would his name be Hawaiian Punch?

What does a hawaiian terrorist say?

Aloha akbar.

A fat Hawaiian man recently converted to Islam

Aloha Snack-bar

A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop...

“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”

“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”

The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who noot at him.

“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I nee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Friend, Ving.

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took the family to an amusement park and they all got thirsty at once.

Fortunately we were close to a big soda shop, a circular building with lines of varying lengths standing at most of the windows.

"Excuse me," I asked a park employee, "Which window do we go to?"

"Each window is for a different drink, so just go straight to the one for what you want. If...

What does a Hawaiian suicide bomber say when he walks into a building?

ALOHA ACKBAR!

A Chinese mother with a terrible stutter

There once was a Chinese woman named Wei, and her family had decided to move to America ever since Wei was 14 years of age. Though this was hard for Wei because her language transition didn't go over so well. She could speak clearly, but she'd always find herself stuttering on the last word.

...

George is at his first middle school party but really nervous cause he's mostly an introvert

He tries to fit in but we can see he is visibly sweating, his more social friend, Finn walks up to him and George finally sighs of relief.

Finn: George, what are you doing man? You're sweating like a fountain!

George: Well you know how I really don't like being around a lot of people, ...

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