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Hawaiian Jokes

How did the Hawaiian hipster die?

He walked on lava before it was cool.

What's a short, quiet Hawaiian laugh?

Aloha.

Hawaiian woodpecker and Californian woodpecker

A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker who had managed to fly across the ocean to Hawaii, were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.

The Hawaiian woodpecker led him to a tree that no woodpecker could peck!
The Californian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecke...

How does a soft spoken Hawaiian laugh?

With a low ha.

My Hawaiian HOA passed a noise ordinance so strict that I can't even laugh out loud.

All i can do is a low ha.

What do you call it when a Jamaican chef cooks Hawaiian food?

Poké, mon!

Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today..

I should have cooked it at aloha temperature.

What's Mario's favorite Hawaiian island?

O'ahu!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Hawaiian Cockroaches hate Kona Coffee so much?

Because it turns them into Jitterbugs.

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

I burned my Hawaiian pizza today...

I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting

Did you know Hawaiians never laugh very loud?

They just give aloha!



Credit to the roommate, caught me off guard

What does a Hawaiian comedian put on a sunburn?

Aloe-Ha!

How do Hawaiians react to a reposted joke?

A low ha.

What happens when you spike Hawaiian Punch?

It gets a lil' kick. :)

What did the animal control officer ask the Hawaiian dancer?

Hula the dogs out?

What did the Hawaiian Jihadist say to encourage himself?

Aloha Akbar!

Why aren't Hawaiian greeters professional?

They are leimen.

A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop...

“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”

“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”

The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who noot at him.

“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I nee...

What do you call a Hawaiian rimjob?

Pacific Rim

What’s the difference between Kim jong un and dominoes ?

Dominoes can deliver a crispy Hawaiian in less than 30 minutes

Did you hear about the guy who burnt his house down buy overcooking a Hawaiian pizza?

###He should have cooked it at aloha temperature...


I know where the door is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, my favorite dessert?

Coconut cream pie

Grandma Letter

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.



She writes:



Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just com...

I was really thirsty so I reached for the Hawaiian Sun to drink

Unfortunately, it was empty. Someone else had beat me to the punch.

What did the Hawaiian mathematician say when he was at the aquarium?

That’s algae brah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman..........

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan...

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and be glad that you're alive?

Apparently, I did and won’t be allowed on Hawaiian Airlines again...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I had sex, my girlfriend took off my Hawaiian shirt

You can say she deflowered me.

What do you call Hawaiian building blocks?

Leigos

What did the affectionate volcano tell the Hawaiian homeowner?

"I lava you."

A girl broke up with me once over food

She didn’t like it when I made certain Hawaiian and Korean foods that I ate growing up.

Now she has me in her phone as “Spam Risk”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin`s chauffeur

Vladimir Putin is in his limo, being driven through the Russian countryside. All of a sudden, there is a big bang and a big bump. Putin yells at his chauffeur, "What the hell was that?!"
The chauffeur replies, "I ran over a big pig that was lying in the middle of the road. I\`m pretty sure I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer short...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into his basement to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp.

He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie.

The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude."

The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then...

A letter an 83-year-old lady wrote to her grandson.

My dear grandson,



Some days ago, I experienced something wonderful, which I want to share with you.

I went to a religious shop and found a car sticker saying: "Honk if you love God!"

I decided to buy it and stick it on the bumper of my car.

When I went away, I was...

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. ...

A fat Hawaiian man recently converted to Islam

Aloha Snack-bar

What do you get when you cross a terrorist and a Hawaiian food truck?

Aloha snack bar!


I'm sorry

What did the Hawaiian say to the visiting school kids about Mt. Kilauea?

This blows.

A Mexican, a Hawaiian and a US Army member are on a plane...

When the pilot tells them that they must shed weight or they will not have enough fuel to make it to their destination. Each member of the plane must throw one of their bags from the plane.

The Mexican grabs a box full of tacos and tosses it from the plane. A minute later a little girl on the...

What does a Hawaiian suicide bomber say when he walks into a building?

ALOHA ACKBAR!

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