I took part in a boxing match where everytime I was KO'd, I'll get a Pixar movie. It has become irritating.

I get knocked down but I get Up again

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Had this really irritating flat mate

When I was at uni I had this really irritating flat mate called Callum. Always leaving his shit lying around and not tidying up. Drinking my milk out of the fridge, eating the last slice of bread. Pissing on the toilet seat. You know the sort of guy, the one who’s stirring your pint with his cock wh...

I haven't cut my hair in a long time. Initially, when it started getting a bit long, it was irritating and I doubted whether it was worth the effort. But lately it's not been so much of a hassle anymore. Maybe long hair isn't so bad after all...

Seems like it's growing on me.

Someone told me today is "slap your irritating coworker day" but I don't think that's right

"Get slapped by your co-workers day" would be more accurate.

If you came down with an irritating sickness in Chicago...

Then you'd be ill and annoyed.

I asked my wife what three things she finds most irritating.

She said, "well, I really dislike Sunday drivers. I'm not particularly keen on loud, abnoixious children. But mostly, I really hate it when I have to repeat myself!"

"Oh, yeah, absolutely!" I replied, "You can say that again."

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A marriage counsellor is holding a group session and asks the husbands what bird would best describe their wife..

The first husband says "well my wife reminds me of a swan" .. "why is that" asks the counsellor , "because she's beautiful and graceful" replies the husband


The second husband says "I think an owl best describes my wife" "really"? says the counsellor , "yes because she is wise and int...

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Irritating

An irritating friend took a drink from my wife's beer and said, "Ha,Ha, this is one step from kissing your wife!"

"Yes it is," I replied, "and two steps from sucking my dick."

I once met an irritating man who upheld his family name.

He was Hanoi-Ying.

What is nice if you are close to it but gets irritating when far away?

Someone holding the door for you

Today I met someone who never finishes his proverbs.

It’s very irritating to talk to him, but you know what they say,

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The talking parrot

Professor John's wife bought a talking parrot one day.

The shopkeeper asked her to buy another pet, because the parrot had spent years at a stripclub and might say weird things all day. She said it was okay and that the parrot would forget all about the strip club and learn new things.
...

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How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

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A snail saves the day

A bear, a moose, a fox, a wolf and a snail were playing cards around a table. Suddenly, the bear let out a faint roar and said:

“Guys, I’m hungry. Could someone go buy some chocolate, or whatever?”

The moose shook his head and nodded towards the fox, who irritatingly slammed his little...

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My wife has a yeast infection..

Now she understands what it’s like to be with an irritating cunt.

A man goes to the doctor as he has a problem speaking.

He says, “Doctor, I’m having a problem where I can’t speak this specific letter. It’s getting really irritating!”

The doctor, using his quick thinking, says, “Alright, repeat all the letters in the alphabet for me.”

The man rattles of the first twenty, but then clams up, face full of f...

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Nsfw. Why do women get yeast infections?

Because God wanted them to know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt.

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