I named my new dog Peeve.

Now I introduce him to everyone as my pet peeve

What’s your biggest pet peeve?

Mine is people who ask a question just so they can give their own answer to it.

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My biggest pet peeve is the unnecessary politicisation of everyday conversation

People who do that are fucking Nazis

I've got a pet peeve

His name is Sparkles and he likes belly rubs.

What is a diver's pet peeve?

The bends.

It really makes his blood boil

This is my biggest pet peeve

He's an elephant, all my pets are named peeve

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man died and was on his way to heaven

When he reached heaven, he saw Jesus standing in front of him. Jesus said: "We have a long way ahead of us. Come...let's walk."

Jesus trying to have some small talk with the man, asked him whether he has has any pet peeves. The man replied: "I don't like it when people bend over in front of m...

I found my Pet Peeve the other day

He was hiding under the couch. Still a good boye though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Single Guy Moves From New York City to the DEEP Country

He is so tired of city life he decides to move to the middle of nowhere and try something new. He buys a plot of land with a small farmhouse and 100 acres.

As he is unpacking his UHaul, he sees an old beat up truck kicking up dust down the dirt road. The truck turns on his lane and a man ge...

"Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan asked the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinson's."

"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before Waterloo."

"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if they ain't any good," the Texan retorted.

"I can assure you they are very goo...

The inventor of autocorrect died today

Rust in peeve.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy jogging on the beach sees a girls with no arms or legs.

Her torso is just propped up on some sand. As he draws nearer he sees that she's crying. He doesn't want to intrude, but he figures she might need some help.

"Excuse me, miss. Why are you crying?" he asks.
She responds "I'm just so sad! I've never been kissed before and I don't guess I eve...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is learning math in Mrs. Smith’s 4 grade class...

Mrs Smith asks little Johnny,

“If there are 5 pigeons on a fence and a farmer shoots one, how many are left?”

“None, as the rest would fly away!”

“No little Johnny, there would be 4, but I like the way you think.”

Little Johnny then got peeved so he asked Mrs. Smith,
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm absolutely fuming..

My son got sent home from school yesterday. He has been suspended for running around the girls toilets waving his willy around. Idiotic yes but it seems he had done it for a bet.

Suspension seemed to be a bit harsh, so I rang the headmaster to explain that it was just a bit of tomfoolery gone...

A man walks into a pharmacy

And asks the man behind the counter, after dropping off his prescription,

"Excuse me, but what time do you close on Sunday?"

He replies,

"Oh, we don't close on Sunday."

Pleasantly surprised, the man picks up some other items and leaves.

The next day, Sunday, the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day.... [Long]

First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she's very attractive. He's interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together. She agrees an...

I was thinking of having a poltergeist as a pet..

Now it's one of my worst Pet Peeves


(Harry Potter reference)

A Blind man is at the bus stop....

... and along comes a large family. Mother, Father, and 7 young children. As they're waiting for the bus, it starts to rain, just making the wait worse.

When the bus arrives, being polite, the men let the mother and children get on first, at which point the bus driver says: "Sorry guys. The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drunk driver

A cop pulled over a man who kept swerving in and out of lanes for no apparent reason. The officer goes up to the man and requests that the man take a breathalyzer test.

"I can't do that, officer," the man replied, "I'm an asthmatic. If I take the test, I might have an asthma attack."
...

Everyone keeps getting annoyed and repeatedly asking me what my dog's name is.

Why won't they understand that that's my pet peeve?

One day, a man was watching a movie with his girlfriend at his house

A man decided to take his girlfriend back to his house after a date.

She had never been to his home before, and things were getting steamy during the movie.

Just as things were starting to heat up, the couple heard a scratching noise and the man was getting visibly annoyed.

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny

The mailman saw little Johnny sitting on the side of the street with an old coffee can

Mailman: What do you have in that can there?

Johnny: dog shit

Mailman: what’re you gonna do with a can full of dogshit?

Johnny: I’m gonna make me a mailman

Peeved the mailman wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde walks into a bar...

and asks the bartender to lineup 7 shots. He does, and then the blonde takes the 1st shot and dumps it on the floor. Then the blonde picks up the last shot, and does the same. The bartender, peeved that he has to mop it up, asks indignantly, "What the hell?! Why did you do that?" The blonde replies,...

An Englishman is visiting Ireland for the first time...

His first stop is Cork where he decides he wants to kiss the famous Blarney Stone. Unfortunately for him he hasn't a clue where the stone is, so he walks into a pub to ask for directions.

He walks into the pub and yells, "Alright Paddies, I'm visiting from London and I'm looking for someone t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.