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Implants Jokes

A woman got breast implants made of wood yesterday.

This joke would be funny if it had a punchline

Wooden tit

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants?

Silicon Valley

What's the difference in a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants?

Ones a crusty bus station, the others a busty crustacean.

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What do you call the space between the breasts of a woman with implants?

Silicone valley

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A plastic surgeon was offering discounts on breast implants.

The sign read:

A sale of two titties

Do you think i should get breast implants ?

Nah

Just rub some toilet paper on ‘em

Do you think it will help?

It did wonders for your ass

Always wondered about using oak instead of silicon for breast implants

Be a lot firmer, wooden tit?

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My wife said she’d like us to save money for her to get breast implants

I told her, “Why? All you need to do is rub some toilet paper between your breasts every day.”

She said, “What the hell is that going to do?”

I said, “I don’t know but it seems to have worked wonders on your ass.”

You know you’re getting old when if a lady wants you to pay for her “implants.”

She means “dental” implants.

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Apple breast implants

Apple is working on smart breast implants, which can adapt their shape and texture to suit your lifestyle. The iTit can be used charge your mobile devices while browsing, as cupholders, and even as a self defence device. Future app updates will include anti jiggle functions, as well as an automated ...

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My girlfriend says, the new breast implants make her feel uncomfortable.

But, I think I look sexy.

What do you call breast implants that fall out and go missing?

Bolton Wanderers.

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What's the difference between a cheap guy at a restaurant and a worker packaging silicone breast implants?

One's a shitty tipper....

My blonde friend got breast implants

I used to call her " little Connie", now she's just "Silicone"

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

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A wife tells her husband that she wants breast implants

Her husband says, "Why on earth would you want to do that? You look gorgeous exactly the way you are."

"But I'm not HAPPY!" the wife complains.

The husband replies, "Well, I want you to be happy. But we don't need to spend a ton of money on implants. All you need to do is rub some toi...

You hear about the girl-ghost who got accused of getting breast implants?

So rude. Everyone knows she’s got super-naturals.

Implantable Headphones

The past few years, people have been circulating articles saying that we'll all have to get chip implants under Obamacare. They reference the book of Revelation and say it's the mark of the beast. But I got to thinking; in-ear headphones get annoying and over-ears aren't that portable. So in the fut...

Breast implants are like potato chips.

You can't have just one.

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Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants?

It was a decision they could all get behind

The Tempur-pedic Mattress company has come out with a line of breast implants...

...They're mammary foam.

What do you get when you give the bottom of the sea breast implants?

Davy Jones' Knockers

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Why was the woman who stole the pair of breast implants arrested?

Identitty Theft

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Two breast implants were arguing. After very insulting comment the other replied:

”That was so low, now you’re making an ass of yourself.”

OC. Using my time on the train productively. Sorry.

Magic is like breast implants...

...we all know its fake, but when done well, can give you a feeling of true wonder

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What do you call a crackhouse that sells breast implants?

A boobie trap..

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.

“Will I die?” she asks.

God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”

With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She loo...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

A local plastic surgeon started giving away free breast implants...

They're up for grabs.

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A tech company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants.

A company spokesperson declared this is a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their boobs without listening to them.

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A woman went to get implants in her butt

However, her butt was instead injected with cement. I guess you could say she hit rock bottom

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