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Iced Tea Jokes

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Two old southern bells are having iced tea

They are reminiscing of their younger years on their wraparound porch of an 18th century plantation home.


The first lady recounts in a charming antebellum drawl: "You see these earrings? These 24k gold diamond earrings? My husband got me these on our 5th anniversary."


The seco...

Why don't hipsters drink iced tea?

Because they drank tea before it was cool.

I invented a drink today called ‘the Shutter Island Iced Tea’.

It’s the same as a Long Island Iced Tea, but it has a twist at the end.

Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea

I forgot that he only drinks realty

I like my iced tea like I like my presidents...

so good it doesn't need any peach or mint.

What happened to the Indian who drank too much iced tea?

He slept in his tea pee

Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?

Benedict Arnold Palmer

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Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?...

If water with ice is iced water...

... milk with ice is iced milk, and tea with ice is iced tea, what's ink with ice in it?

>!(This one works better out loud. If you don't get it, maybe say the answer out loud to someone you know and they'll probably agree even though they haven't heard the lead in.)!<

The CEOS of Budweiser, Miller, Heineken and Guinness sit down for a meal...

The waitress comes by for a drink order, and each orders their own.
Budweiser CEO: “I’ll have a Bud”
Miller: “MGD for me”
Heineken: “I’ll have a Heineken”
Guinness: “Iced tea”

Everyone stares.

Guinness replies: “what? If you aren’t drinking beer, neither am I!”

Three men are looking for somewhere to have a drink.

There are three beverage stands. The lemonade stand, the iced tea stand, and the fruit punch stand. As it’s a hot summer day, the men agree to quench their thirst and decide which stand to go to.

The first man says to the other two, “Because I’m thirsty and behind on my citrus intake, I’ll be...

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If you ever want to mess with a bartender's head...

...order a virgin Long Island Iced Tea.

A husband and wife on a hot, summer day . . .

A guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer afternoon. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for dinner.

The wife was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she s...

The only constants in life are taxes, death, and...

99c+tax AriZona Iced Tea

The traveling salesmen

Two traveling salesmen were riding together across West Texas when their car began to sputter and cough. Soon, it died completely and they were stranded on the side of a state highway with little traffic.

Fortunately, a pick up truck pulled over to help. The driver was a comely middle aged wo...

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A silly old man came to my work and told me this joke and it stuck with me.

Out in the middle of the country was a general store.

A man was riding in one day and saw a dog sitting next to the door.

He walks by the dog and goes into the store to get what he needs.

After buying his items he asked the owner of the store if his dog bites strangers.
...

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The spoon (long joke)

A family is eating in a restaurant and as the waiter is refilling their drinks the dad drops his iced tea spoon. Not missing a beat the waiter puts a spoon back in his glass. Curious, he asks "how did you know I was going to drop it?" "I didn't. Studies show that the most dropped utensil is the spoo...

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A man and an ostrich walk into a resturant.

The waitress asks "what will you have?"
He says "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke". The ostrich says "I'll have the same" it comes up to be $10.98 and he pulls exact change out of his pocket.
The next day he and the ostrich come back. The waitress asks "what will you have"?
He says...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

A priest goes to visit an older member of his congregation at her house.

He knocks on her door and she invites him in with a big smile on her face.

"Father Johnson! It's so nice to see you here!" says the old lady. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Well, Mrs. Smith, I've been preaching sermons at St. Mary's for 35 years and not once did you mi...

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Old enough to serve, not old enough to be served: the Army and Alcohol

There was a thread a while back where a pun thread took off; it was about the moral hypocrisy of being allowed to put your life at risk fighting in war, while simultaneously not being allowed to drink alcohol.

While I detest most pun threads, this one seemed entertaining to me for some reason...

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