UPJOKE
make outscrewbumpbonkbulgeprotuberancejutknowhunchprotrusionbangbedeffloveprominence

Humping Jokes

A man was walking his kid home from the park when the kid suddenly noticed two dogs humping...

"dad,"the kid asks."what are those two dogs doing over there?"his dad thinks real quick,"well son, isn't it obvious. That one dog obviously broke his leg and the other one is helping him home."the kid fires back,"wouldn't you know it Dad. You go to help a friend out like that and all he does is f***...

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick him up and blow him.

Why couldn't this guy stop humping a bell?

Because it was A-dick-ting

I once heard my car honking repeatedly and went outside to see my Pitbull in the front seat humping the steering wheel

Always knew he was a horn dog

I once went on safari and saw a giraffe humping an antelope.

Thinking back, I probably should’ve used google chrome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the man go to prison for humping a road?

Sexual Asphalt Charges.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was humping his secretary in his office up her ass when....

His wife walks in on them unannounced.

Horrified, she screams " Honey, you can't do this to me".

Man calmly replies"Right, that's why I am doing it to her".

My dog has been humping pillows… I think he learned it from watching me.

I’m just glad he’s still afraid of the vacuum cleaner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW, (Not Safe For Anyone). How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck his dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you stop your dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and suck his dick.

How can you tell if your dog's gay?

If his dick tastes like dogshit.

What’s the difference between a poodle humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg?

You let the pit bull finish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday, my dog was humping my leg

So stupid, had to show him where my butthole was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw this squirrel humping an acorn the other day

It was fuckin nuts

That’s the thing about humping mimes....

You never hear them coming.

In a restaurant this dog started humping my leg.

Completely ruined the taste of my chicken.

Two dust pans were dry humping..

I was like dude, get a broom already!

What do you call two eco terrorists humping a tree?

A treesome!

What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?

Science friction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer comes out to his shed to find a man humping his farm equipment

The farmer asks the man “what the hell are you doing son? The man replies “I’ve been having troubles with my wife and my therapist said to do something sexy to a tractor.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no penis took Slowpoke out of its Poke Ball and started humping it.

It took Slowpoke a while to realize how badly fucked it was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] how do you get a dog to quit humping your leg?

How do you get a dog to quit humping your leg? Pick it up and start sucking it's dick.
[Told to me by a female friend]

A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs humping.

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.

"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."

That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.

Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, onl...

A man and his son stumble upon two dogs humping...

When the little boy asks his dad what the dogs are doing, he explains that they're making puppies.

Later that night, the man and his wife are going at it hot and heavy in the bedroom. The little boy stumbles in unannounced. In a panic, the parents hurriedly gather themselves.

The boy a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has an impotent bull.

After months of desperation and trying everything he asks for the help of a fellow farmer, who tells him to show the bull some hardcore porn. Despite the silly advice, he has nothing to lose. He sets up a projector in the barn and showers the bull with porn 24/7 for several days, and exposes him to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dog, Grandpa

The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.

That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:

Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.

I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.

Gran...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was walking down the street with his dad...

and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
So Dad calls Johnnys teacher. "Hey, my kid ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two squirrels were hanging, one of them was humping a walnut like there was no tomorrow. "Are you fucking crazy?" asked the first squirrel

"No... I'm fucking nuts!"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.