My wife and kids are going to leave me accusing me of being obsessed with horse racing

And they’re offfffff

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

I tried horse racing once, but I fell at the first fence.

I might have done better if I had a horse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Horse Names banned by the British Horse Racing Authority

Chit Hot

Chocolate Starfish

Choke the Chicken

Curl One Off

Dick Face

Harry Azzol

Harry Balls

Harry Monk

Hugh G Dildeaux

Hugh G Rection

Hugh Gass Kisser

Hugh Gorgy

Hugh Janus

Ima Hoare

Ima Goodlay
...

African Horses

In a world of horse racing dominated by the West, a new super power emerged. South African jockeys were jockeys were completely dismantling their opponents despite riding lame horses and weighing 250 pounds. Their budget just wasn't high enough to afford high quality gear, but they were still beatin...

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There once was a man who’s lucky number was 5.

John was born on the 5th of May in 1955, at precisely 5:55 am, when his parents were both 55 years old. He lived on the fifth floor of an apartment, 5 hours away from his school.

As he grew up, the number five cropped up in his life in weird and wonderful ways. He was five minutes late to eve...

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The Preacher and the Donkey

A preacher wanted to raise money for the local church and, upon hearing that there was a fortune to be found in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter himself. Unfortunately, the going price for a horse at the local auction house was too high so he ended up getting a donkey instead. He d...

A guy is sitting quietly reading his Sunday newspaper one day when his wife suddenly hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he shouts.

His wife says, "I was just doing the laundry and I found a piece of paper in your trouser pocket with the name "Marylou on it. Who the hell is she?"

The guy says, "Oh, don't worry about that dear. Do you remember when I went to the horse racing with my f...

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Ned vs Ted

Warning: This joke is meant to be told in person to keep friends busy.

On a farm, twin race horses were born, Ned, who was older by 2 minutes, and younger brother Ted. Growing up they trained with each other and pushed each other to be the best they could. The day finally came when they were ...

The husband and the horse.

The husband seated, reading his newspaper when his wife, furious, came from the kitchen and hits him in the head with a skillet .
Startled, he gets up and asks:
- Why did you do that? She responds: - I found this is the piece of paper in your pants with Mary's name and number. - Honey, remembe...

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Priest's Donkey

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo games didn't work, the spaghetti diners and pancake breakfasts din't work. He even tried raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the priest though of trying out horse racing. He went to a horse auct...

The Queen and the Chastity Belt

One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. He took his most trusted knight, Lancelot, aside for a moment.
"Lancelot, I fear Guinevere is not entirely faithful to me. Therefore, I have placed a chastity belt upon her. Now I entrust you alone with the key", and wi...

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A lawyer walks across the street.

A lawyer walks across the street. He's hit by a bus he gets up and there's flames all around him. He says fuck and looks bummed out the devil walks up and says why the long face. I'm in hell he says. The devil says well its not that bad down here, Do you like to drink? Yes says the lawyer the devil ...

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