Upbeat Jokes

Because they convert Mass into energy.

A young priest shows up to his new parish with a huge smile on his face. The bishop asks him why he was in such a good mood.

"On my travels I stayed the night at the Convent in Toulouse."

"Oh yes, the Sisters of Mercy. How was the food?"

"Terrible."

"How was the bed?”... read more

I was quite an upbeat child, I used to think CCTV was a very, very positive Spanish television channel

Stop living in the past.

This was right after picking her up from preschool. She was usually a bit grumpy and I always tried to be fun and keep the drive home more upbeat.

 

Her: "I'm hungry."

Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."

Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"

... read more

So I installed skylight above her bed and told her to look up the glass ceiling.

The charity, Concern put out an appeal for medical supplies.

Unfortunately nobody at all came forward.

The charity remained surprisingly upbeat about it, later tweeting:
There is no gauze for Concern.

...after a couple upbeat songs played many of the dancing students worked up quite a thirst. A line began forming by those waiting to reach the punch bowl. A late comer joins the end of the line and curiously peaks ahead of it while inquiring to those ahead of him, "is this the punch line?"

A priest is giving a sermon to his congregation. He starts off pretty upbeat, and then part of the way through says "and just remember, everyone in this congregation is going to die"
Everyone thinks it's kind of weird but they shrug it off. He says it again "every member of this congregation will... read more

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec... read more

I found a really good one, but when we met with him, he seemed depressed. My wife found one that seemed much more upbeat. We discussed our options and decided to go with the happy medium.

3 men go to an interview for a sales job and the boss calls them all in and says “Whoever goes out and sells the most dictionaries can have the job”.


So the first guy goes out, sells a few dictionaries and comes back.


“How many did you manage to sell?”


With an upbea... read more