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Hooks Jokes

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A priest hooks a huge fish

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!".

"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish".<...

Where do pirates get their hooks?

The second hand store.

When I was younger I had a job baiting fish hooks down the docks.

I started off as an apprentice but by the time I left I was a Master baiter.

A stranger just said that his mother hooks up with all of his friends

I said that's rough but if he needed a friend to talk to I got him

Why did pirates stop using hooks?

Too many of them died scratching their balls

Man goes into a hardware store for hooks.

He tells the kid working there his wife wants a dozen little gold hooks to hang jewelry. The kid looks and comes back saying, we don't have gold ones but we do have silver ones, they'll work just as good.
To which the man looks at the kid and says, "you aren't married are you?"

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A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."



The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

Where do pirates get their hooks?

Nowhere in particular, but mostly secondhand.

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A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a ...

It's always good to invest in grappling hooks

Their value is always going up

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Good puns. Hooks. Help.

Im trying to find good puns. Basically saying something to another person
that is a little obscure to get his attention then a pun to follow.
One I use is the kid born with out eye lids. The doctor had to use foreskin, it was a success except he is a little eyed.

Another n...

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A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.

Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.

"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.

"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for ", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in...

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An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman... []

An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman the night before a game of golf with a big Japanese client.

The woman is screaming with passion a specific word in Japanese that the man could tell was a great thing. He decides to try it out at golf.

Each time the big client sinks the ba...

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Two guys and out fishing when one hooks a magic lamp.

He pulls it into the boat and rubs the lamp to read the writing on it. A genie pops out and says for freeing me from the lamp I will give you one wish. The fisherman told the genie to turn the lake into beer. , it was done. The other fisherman yells at him, "you , Now we have to piss in t...
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