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Hooking Jokes

Hooking up with my ex is like playing Mario cart

I’ve played this game before and I know I’m gonna end up in 1 of 8 positions

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A young couple is hooking up.

They decide to go to her place. Then they started kissing and making out. Then they pull off one piece of cloth after the another until the young man stops.

Him: "I must confess sonething!"

Her: "What is it?"

Him: "I have a penis like an infant."

Her: "Oh dear! Size does...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] An elder couple were sitting in their broken down car on the side of the road waiting for a tow truck.

The tow truck arrives and the driver walks up to the car as the old man who was driving, rolls down his window.

Driver: Hello folks. What seems to be the problem?

Elder lady: WHAT???

Elder man: Sorry my wife is hard of hearing.

Then he looks at his wife and yells out...

Scarlett Johansson is on a plane that crashes on a remote island.

She and some regular guy are the only two survivors. They make the best of their situation, scavenge what supplies they can from the plane, and try to keep going.

They build a little hut on the beach and - both of them having certain "needs" - eventually start hooking up.

This keep goi...

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So I met a girl at a bar and we ended up hooking up......

We were going at it hot and heavy and soon the pants came off. One look at her woman parts and I just couldn't stop myself. I blurted out "Damn you've got a huge pussy! Damn you've got a huge pussy!"

Shocked, she responded "Yeah, I have heard that, but you didn't have to say it twice."
...

What's it called when you're hooking up with a girl and you know she's not going to call you back after?

Ghostbusting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man hooking up with a lady warned her at the bar, "You should know I have a baby-sized Penis"

The lady says that's just fine and size doesn't matter.

They get to his apartment and he pulls down his pants, showing off an absolutely massive penis unlike anything she'd ever seen before.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" she shrieks in terror.

"I told you I had a baby-sized Penis...

Hooking a clock on your belt

It would just be a waist of time.

What’s the worst part about hooking up with an italian girl.

She’s never impressed with your meat/balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a man hooking up with his car's tailpipe when I was camping last Saturday.

I can imagine it would be fucking exhausting.

Playing a childhood video game to relive old memories is like hooking up with your EX...

Seems fun at first, but then you remember why you stopped in the first place.

For all you men dreaming of elaborate ways of hooking up with an Instagram model, all it took me was a good dinner date....

Just some food for thot.

A man said he was going to go out by hooking a hose to an exhaust and put it in his car while sealed in his garage.

Saw him the next day looking defeated, he said he forgot he owned a hybrid

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