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Math Homework Jokes

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A little boy was doing his math homework

...saying to himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7,

3+6 the son of bitch is 9

His mother heard this & asked "Why are you swearing?"

Boy, "Mom this is how the teacher taught us all."

Furious, the mother called the teacher: "Are u teaching math to children by saying 2+2, t...

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A first grader is working on his math homework

While working, he says “1 plus 1, the son of a bitch is 2. 2 plus 2, the son of a bitch is 4”.

His mom hears him an in shock, she cries “what did you just say?” The boy replies “this is what the teacher says during arithmetic: 4 plus 4, the son of a bitch is 8.” His mother freaked “okay, I’m ...

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A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, “Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight...”

Three plus seven, that son of a bitch is ten."

Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.

Infuriated, the m...

I was listening to my son do his math homework at the kitchen table

And then all of sudden he said 3+6 the son of a b !tch is 9, and then he said 2+5 the son of a b!tch is 7, so I said, what are you saying, son?! He said, but my teacher she showed us how to do Math and that's what she said...so just to make sure I was like, OK go on. He said 2+2 the son of a b!tch i...

I always put my glasses on when doing Math homework.

It improves division

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

 

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

 

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when ...

MOM: "No more TV until you finish your math homework!"

KID: "Aww, Mom! When am I ever gonna use math in real life? I'm gonna grow up to be a super rich rock star...I'll pay people to do math \*for\* me."
MOM: "Well, why didn't you say so? That's a wonderful goal! And I know exactly how to help you pursue it."


THE NEXT DAY
MOM:...

My friend asked me to assist him with his math homework.

I should probably help him before he stops *counting* on me.

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Little Matt is doing his math homework ...

Little Matt is doing his math homework, with his dad watching the news, not far away in the living room. “2 plus 3, the son of bitch is 5”. His dad thinks he misheard, so he doesn’t say anything. His son, very applied, goes on with his questions sheet. “4 plus 5, the son of bitch is 9”.

His ...

I'll do you like my math homework

Slam you on the table, try to do you, but give up and pay someone to finish you

What do you get if you leave your math homework outside all night?

Dewy Decimals.

Why did Obi-wan not do his math homework?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

Two 5th graders are doing Math homework.

One tells the other, "I don't know what 99 is in Roman numerals."

The other lowers her glasses and says, "IC."

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My daughter showed me her Math homework and told me she didn't get arrays.

I told her I didn't get a raise either because my boss is a cheap bastard.

"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?" "No son, it wouldn't be right."

"Well, at least you could try."

Little Johnny joke.

Little Johnny was a lazy student and was failing Math badly. His parents had enough of this, so they pulled him out of regular school and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, he came home and not a word, and headed up to his bedroom to do his Math homework. He was up there...

An average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card.

An average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card. The mother opens it and sees all "B"s and "C"s and is disappointed with her son. She heard from a friend that the nearby church school does a great job at fixing people right up, so she decides to send her son there.

A...

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Addition's a son of a bitch

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."
...

A man calls the National Security Agency...

Man: Hello, I heard you record all our phone conversations, is that correct?

Agent: No sir, we don't do that

Man: Oh shoot. I was just talking to my wife and she gave me a list of things to do and I can't remember! I thought I would check with you rather than call her back and let her ...

How do you know if an Asian person has robbed your house?

When you come home, your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and they're still trying to back out of the driveway.

How do you know if you've been burglarized by Asians?

1) Your cat is missing.

2) Someone did all your math homework while you were away.

3) They are still trying to back out of your driveway when you get home.

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today

Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

Little Johnny Back Again...

This time, little Johnny's mother had been noticing that his math grades had been steadily declining. She decided to have a chat with Johnny about his disinterest in math, being more responsible with his studies, and the importance of bringing his grade up.

The next quarter ended- Johnny's re...

Awesome Comeback

Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework?!
Me: it committed suicide, had too many problems.

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Jewish Kid who is Bad at Math

There is a Jewish family with a son who is horrible at math. They've tried everything they could think of to get his scores up. Tutoring, different schools, nothing has worked. Finally they hear from some friends at Synagogue that they had the same issue with their son, and sending him to catholi...

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