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Housework Jokes

Housework:

I dusted once. It came back.

I’m not falling for that again..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she's leaving me because I "can't do anything right when it comes to housework. "

Selfish bitch, it took me hours to mop that carpet.

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Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

HUSBANDS FOR SALE !!!

A store that sells husbands has just opened,
where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper a...

My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.

But I think she's JockingFsss475241HHHNM,GDSADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrrEEEEEEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHII003333454587111,KUJYTFB""""3u8ol;[45668kbnt72111vb ki90l.YJNMLGDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/

I Hate Housework!

I hate housework!

You make the beds, you do the dishes

...and six months later you have to start all over again.

Mens guide to love and lasting relationships.

1. Find a woman who makes you laugh
2. Find a woman who has a job and loves housework
3. Find a woman who is honest
4. Find a woman who will wait on you no matter what
5. Find a woman who is awesome in bed
6. Most of all, it’s very important that these five woman never meet.

There’s no pleasing my wife sometimes.

She wanted help with the housework so I got my girlfriend to come round and she went mental.

What's Iron Man's favorite type of housework?

Hoovering

A Polish man wanted to show his wife that he could do housework, too...

The phone rang, and instead of answering the phone, he answered the iron and burned his face. The punchline: this actually happened. http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Man_ironed_face_when_phone_rang (xpost from /r/newsofthestupid)

My daughter just cracked my new Iphone Xs screen, so I’m passing it back to a lucky commenter. Info below.

Girl, 7-year-old, can do basic math and alphabet, good at housework, overall a good child.

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world.

The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean.

The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The genie said, "I can only grant you one wish. So ... what will it be?"

The young woman pulled out a map of the middle east from her back pack. "See these countries, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and Israel etc. Well I want them all to live in peace" she said. The Genie studied the map. "WTF lady, they've been fighting each other for hundreds of years, th...

A man dies and ends up at the gates

A being shows him an elevator and explained "on the first level, you will see a woman. You can choose to get off, or continue upward"

So he goes to the first floor and sees a woman, who isn't very attractive. She says "you can choose to get off, or carry on to success"

The man continue...

Joke translated to English

Once upon a time, there was a young Indian man named Ram who fell in love with a beautiful white woman. Although his parents did not approve, he stubbornly married the woman and brought her to live in the home he shared with his parents.

The next day, Ram's mother, named Sita, made breakfast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Dogs Are Sitting in the Vet's Waiting Room

The dogs ask each other what they're in for.

The first dog sadly says, "I just can't help myself when it comes to the mailman. I just get so angry when he walks up to the door that I bit him. Now I'm being put to sleep."

The second dog says, "Oh no, that's terrible. I'm a barker myself...

A kid asks his Granddad for relationship advice...

"Grandpa, Jenny broke up with me today. I feel so bad, I don't know what I'm gonna do"

"Listen kid, you're gonna be alright. You're young and got plenty of time. Let me tell you about what qualities to look for in a woman to have a lasting relationship:

1) Find a woman who makes you la...

My wife shouted at me...

You're so useless! You never tidy up or help with the housework, you're lazy and stupid and I bet you don't even know how to keep a house tidy!

I decided to prove her wrong so I did the washing up, ha! You should have seen her face when I showed her I knew how to load the dishes into the tumb...

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Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's.

One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.


The second dog turned to him and asked, "What are you in here for, buddy?"


"I'm in big trouble," he said. "My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he to...

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Why do men die first?

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
...

A young boy gets his first homework...

A young boy attends his first day in first grade, and is set his first piece of homework. His teacher asks him to find out the alphabet. Eager to please, he goes home that day and starts by asking his mother. He asks "mom, what's the first letter of the alphabet?". His mom is busy with housework, so...

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid

to cook and do the housework.

They hired a lovely lass for the job.


She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.


"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.
...

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