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Hit On Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three young men hit on a hot woman at a club.

After a few drinks and a lot of small talk, she brings them back to her place and says she's going to change into something more comfortable. When she reappears, she's wearing a skintight leather suit.

"You boys want to know what I do for fun?" she asks, a malicious grin creeping across her f...

I tried to hit on an IT woman

After three attempts she locked me out.

Why did the guy with a lisp hit on the girl with the flu?

Because she was thicc

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sat in a restaurant last night, when I got hit on the back of the head with a prawn cocktail...

I looked round and this guy shouts:


"That's just for starters!"

How do you hit on a Jewish girl?

Tell her that she israeli hot!

When a gangster put out a hit on Daffy Duck, what was their one condition?

Just send me the bill.

Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...

After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I’m Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can’t thpeak

I just got back from my friend’s funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

What did the woman say after she was hit on by the Pillsbury Doughboy?

"No thanks. I'm not into roll play."

My Friend: How did you get hit on the head by a book?

Me: I only have myshelf to blame

I saw this guy trying to hit on a Cheetah

Just then I thought “He’s trying to pull a fast one”

This lyft driver hit on me at the bar..

He had the worst pick-up lines.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The four horsemen were riding across the world, when Death decided to hit on Pestilence.

He looks over at Pestilence, and with a tip of his cloak, says "M'alady."

Why don't neckbeards hit on people with heart conditions?

Because people with heart conditions take beta-blockers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy goes to church to hit on fat chicks...

He said he really enjoys Catholic mass.

Some guy hit on me at the keyboard store today

I told him he wasn't my type.

I was hit on by a linguist the other day

She asked me to conjugate, but I had to decline.

So a deaf girl hit on me today...

It was a sign

I hate it when my teachers hit on me.

It sucks being homeschooled.

I was hit on the head by a soda can once

But luckily it was a soft drink!

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

a man put a hit on his wife...

and another man named artie takes the job for five dollars


later the next morning arties target walks into the supermarket and artie waits patiently for her to come out as she leaves the store artie wraps his hand around her neck and strangles her. while strangling her another man comes o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my wife if I caught her fucking The Grateful Dead again, I'd order a mob hit on her.

Now she's sleeping with the Phish.

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