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Avert Jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight frien...

Crassus was defeated during the campaign for Parthia

Crassus averted.

Tom wants a job as a signalman on the railways.

He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

To find out how Tom would react under pressure, the inspector asks him: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train onto the other track, thus ...

An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the wom...

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I want to try translating a Polish joke and see if it works. A few friends are drinking vodka in the kitchen...

And there are disgusting flies all over the room. They can hardly sip their drinks without these wretched flies getting in their cups, or worse, their mouths.

One man tells his friends he has an idea to get the flies to stop bothering them, but they need to avert their eyes.

A few minu...

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An old man was sitting on a train...

across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realized she was going commando

She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," he replied and promised t...

A business owner posted an ad on classifieds looking for logo designers...

The ad said: "Looking for a talented youth that can design an attractive logo. As I am a small business owner, the work is unpaid. You will be working for exposure."

A recently graduated graphic designer reads this ad. As he was unemployed and struggling to find a job, he thought that he woul...

Trump is doing a meet-and-greet at a crowded venue

and his security detail is being extra watchful. One of them is a new guy and he’s extra jumpy.
Suddenly, a gunman bursts from the crowd, aiming his weapon at the President. Pandemonium ensues. The rookie bodyguard screams “Mickey Mouse!!!” at the top of his voice and this startles the would be a...

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The Queen of England take a diplomatic trip to the United States....

While there, she visits one of New York's best hospitals. As she is being shown around the hospital by a doctor, she comes across a man furiously masturbating in the hallway. The queen turns beet red and exclaims, "Doctor! Do you see what that man is doing?" The doctor looks then very nonchalantly s...

The burning sofa joke

(Someone told me this a long time ago and I thought it was sort of really clever, but hard to get. Been telling it since. Few people seem to like it. Here goes...)

The fire department is called to a social club. They walk in with their equipment and find a man lying down on a sofa, and the so...

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So there's a guy at the bar. Wasted and crying....

The bartender comes up to him and asks what's wrong. "I'm so wasted I just threw up all over myself! My wife said she would leave if I didn't quit drinking and when I get home, I'm done." The bartender says "I can help. Put a $20 in you coat pocket. Tell her you only had one beer, but a drunk idiot ...

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A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time...

The Old Macaw

A man goes to a pet store looking for a fun pet for his family. There are the typical candidates, kittens, puppies, fish, hamsters, but off in the corner is an old macaw. He asks the owner what the deal is, and the owner replies that the macaw has actually been adopted several times, but he always g...

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Nsfw long what's wrong with your dick?

A guy goes into a public restroom and sees a man gently weeping in front of a urinal. He asks him what's wrong, and realises the man has no arms.
"Well... I recently lost my arms in an accident and I'm having a hard time coping with it. It's my first day out of the hospital and I can't figure out...

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So the M25, the M40 and the M1 are drinking in a bar ...

They've had quite a few jars and things are getting pretty rowdy. "Do you remember that time we beat up all those crappy little A-roads?" says the M25 "the A14 had to have engineering works for a week!"

"Yeah, and that time we rumbled with the M5 and M6, that was classic!" pipes up the M40...

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