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Suppository Jokes

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Suppositories

A woman hears her husband cussing up a storm From behind the bathroom door.
She knocks and asks, 'honey ,what is it?' Her husband emerges from the bathroom and says, 'The doctor prescribed suppositories for this stomach problem I've been having and no matter what I do, I just can't get the sucker...

strike at suppository factory

many impacted

I could tell you marijuana is a suppository

But then I’d just be blowing smoke up your ass

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I crawled in bed and slid my hand up my wife's thigh,

She turned over and scoffed: "I have a headache." "perfect!" I said, "I just powdered my penis with aspirin, do you want any it orally or as a suppository?"

Grandpa showed up at the house with a suppository in his ear.

So we asked him why he had a suppository in his ear.

He said "Ah! So that's where my hearing aid went!"

Then he put it in and said "You won't believe this new hearing aid, it only cost me $50!"

I said what kind is it?

He said "3:30"

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A nurse pulled a suppository out of her pocket

And said "SHIT! Some arsehole has got my pen"

A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids

A man goes to the doctor with terrible hemorrhoids. The doctor prescribes him suppositories to take every day then says to come back in a week. The man isn't entirely sure what a suppository is but at the pharmacy sees they're pills so he does as instructed, swallowing one every day. After a week he...

What does "suppository" mean in Italian?

Innuendo.

This was from Benny Hill (RIP)

How does the medicine in a suppository get absorbed into the body?

Assmosis.

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What did the name brand suppository say to the generic suppository?

Nothing. They were both stuck up assholes.

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I was constipated so I took an oral suppository

For all the good they did me, I might as well have shoved them up my ass.

A man goes to his doctor to treat his stomachache and is prescribed a suppository.

Doctor: "So you know how to take this pill? It's a suppository."

Man : "Of course I know how to take a pill! Thanks, Doc."

The man walks out of the doctors office. The next day, the office gets a phone call from the man.

Man: "These pills don't work! My stomach hurts even worse ...

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Did you hear about the new cocaine suppository?

They're calling it Butt Crack

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,

The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.

I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.

She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on ...

A blonde goes to the doctor because she couldn't make a bowel movement.The doctor prescribes a suppository and sends her on her way...

She returns a week later complaining the laxative did not work.

Doctor: Have you been taking them regularly?

Blonde: What do you think I've been doing,shoving them up my ass?

When I said you were a suppository of knowledge

I meant you were great at talking out your ass

Grandpa...why is there a suppository in your ear?

Oh... THAT's where my hearing aid went!

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A visit to the doctor's

A guy went to the doctor's office complaining of a sore tail-bone.

The doctor gave him some pain-killers in a suppository.

When the guy goes back to the doctors' office he says "I don't think much of those suppositories you prescribed! They were a bastard to swallow, and for all the g...

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A beautiful woman goes to see her doctor

After describing her symptoms, the doctor diagnoses her and recommends a suppository to treat her illness. The woman is uneasy about this and doctor offers to help her with it.

The next day the woman asks her husband for help with her suppository. She bends over, he places one hand on her sho...

My patient got upset at me for laughing when I told her that pill wasn't a suppository...

I guess she took it the wrong way.

A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor

“Doc, I'm having problems hearing!"

The doc says "Let's check you out.”

As he looks into the man's ear with his otoscope he says "It looks like there is some sort of foreign object in here.”

The doc takes his tweezers and pulls it out.

“It's a suppository,” the doc expl...

What do you call Tums in suppository form?

Bums

Last week I was so constipated....

I tried prunes and other home remedies with no relief. I was about to buy a rectal suppository but then I remembered an old friend who was a proctologist....

...and with friends like this who needs enemas.

A woman went to her doctor

She complained of hearing loss and digestive issues.

After a cursory examination, the doctor found something very unusual.

"Ma'am, you're NOT going deaf in your left ear. You, uh... appear to have a suppository stuck in there."

The woman paused for a moment and then yelled "Wel...

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Hearing Problems

Grandpa goes to the doctor complaining of hearing problems. The doctor looks in his ear, grabs his forceps and pulls out a suppository. A light goes on in Grandpa's mind. He picks up his cell phone and calls his wife. "Ethel? I think I know what happened to my hearing aid."

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm so glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hear...

Two elderly women, Mabel and June, meet at a cafe for a cup of coffee and some cake

After a while, Mabel looks closely at June and says “You’ve got a suppository in your ear!”

“What?” replied June

“It looks like you’ve got a suppository in your ear!” Mabel said a little louder.

“Oh.” Checks June, “You’re right... Well, at least I know where my hearing aid is no...

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A man with stomach pains went to the doctor's office.

The doctor recommended that he would take five suppositories, one each evening. The man asked the doctor what a suppository was. The doctor explained that suppositories are like pills but they go into the ass instead. The doctor proceeded to show him how to take the suppositories by inserting a supp...

A man walks into a doctor's office with stomach problems

The doctor runs some tests and tells the man it can be solved, but he has to take a suppository once a day for two weeks. The doctor inserts the first one to show the patient how it is done.

The next day the man is trying to insert the medication, but is too squeamish to do it. So he asks hi...

What's an innuendo?

An Italian suppository.

(I can't be the only one who has thought of this one....)

The way this year has gone so far

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Corona virus vaccine will be available in suppository form only.

I've heard that I'm the cure to Covid.

Lucky for you it's a suppository.

Always read the package insert

"Doc, the suppository you prescribed... they really stuck to my gum and teeth".

"What? You didn't swallow them, did you?"

"Of course I did, what else was I supposed to do with them, shove 'em up my ass?"

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Hearing Aid Missing

An old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Crap!,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

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I got thrown out of the pharmacy today when all I did was ask the worker, "Do you swallow it or take it up the ass?"

How the fuck am I supposed to know what to do, I've never used a suppository before?!

Two old men are sitting on a park bench.

The first man takes a look into his friend’s ear and says, “Do you know you’ve got a suppository stuck in your ear?”



“Really?” says the first man. “I had no idea. But I guess that explains where I put my hearing aid.”

The Greatest Old Guy Joke of all Time

There was an old guy who took suppositories as a medication. One time he went to a resaurant with his wife, she said,"What is a suppository doing in your ear." The old man says,"Oh! now I know where my hearing aids are!"

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Cleetus had a embarrassing disease

So he went to the doctor:

" Sho doc, I have this scratchy in me parts and I was thinking you may have some midicin to you know get thi old junk back on health"

The doctor examined him and diagnosed with an STD, he gave him some suppositories

" Alright Mr thoothill, this supposi...

It was a Monday morning

... and the absent minded rectal surgeon was on his rounds. Halfway around the ward the nurse nudged him and whispered in his ear.

"Sir, you have a suppository behind your left ear."

"Oh damn," cursed the surgeon, "that means some bum's got my pencil!"

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My wife routinely turns down my sexual advances because she has headaches. Feeling particularly horny last night I prepared for that scenario.

As she joined me in bed I asked her if she would like to make love. She declined with her usual headache.

I carefully pulled back the bed-sheet, exposing my erection which was covered in a white powder.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
"Honey, it's aspirin. You can take it orally o...

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A man gets sick in a remote village

A man gets sick in a remote village and his neighbors take him to the nearest doctor, far away in the big city. The doctor examines the man and prescribes him a suppository. He says to his neighbors the pill should be placed in the patients rectum. They take the doctors number in case anything happe...

I Have Your Aspirin

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife once again complained, "I have a headache."

"Don’t worry," her husband said. “I was just powdering myself with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository.”

An old man walks into an ear doctors office

He says "Doc! You have to help me out. I put my hearing aid in my ear this morning and I can not get it out!"

The doc says "Don't worry. This happens all the time I'll get it out for you."

After a few minutes of digging around the doctor finally pulls it out. The doc takes a quick loo...

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A man living in a village gets sick

The villagers carry him to a doctor in the city. The doctor prescribes him a suppository, and says "Give it from the anus". The villagers say okay, and return to the village. They ask all of the townspeople, but nobody, even the wisest ones don't know what anus means. Only thing they can do is askin...

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