Happy Holiday Jokes - 19 Hilarious Happy Holiday Jokes

Putin decreed that all time zones in Russia be unified.

After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.

*"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."*

*"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday...

Hey guys, just wanted to wish you all happy holidays.

Reddit is filled with ready-made messages that you don't even read, you just copy and paste to every subreddit, I don't like that, I like writing from my heart. Our friendship, from the deepest to virtual, is very important to me and couldn't ever be represented by a cookie-cutter message from anywh...

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays and a Joyous A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z to everyone.

Happy holidays?

As a man who was raised Muslim I don't want to be ambiguous and say happy holidays to people.

I say happy Allah-days.

Let them know which side of the war on Christmas I'm on.

Why can’t software developers distinguish between Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 == DEC 25

(hint: octal and decimal are numerical bases 8 and 10 respectively, happy holidays!)

After all these years I was finally able to hang my brother

s stocking on the mantle! Happy Holidays!

I can accurately predict all the major events happening next year...

I have 20/20 vision.

Happy holidays folks.

What do you call a cat on the beach?

Sandy Claws. Happy holidays everyone.

To all those who call people snowflakes and say they get offended too easily I’d just like to say…

Happy Holidays

What did Adam say to his wife the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas Eve!! :D

Sorry everyone. I no longer use FB so you have now inherited my yearly Christmas post.

Happy Holidays everyone :)

Did you hear what the Rabbi said about The Grinch?

He was just happy he didn’t steal their Jewvilations...

Happy holidays y’all!

What do all the Female Reindeer do when Santa takes the crew out to deliver presents? (NSFW)

They go into town and blow a few bucks. ;)

Happy holidays everyone! Wish you all good health & wealth in the New Year!

So a turtle gets mugged by two snails...

So a turtle gets mugged by two snails and the police officer asks, “What happened?”

The turtle replies, “I don’t know it happened so fast.”

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, Reddit!

What was the Mother Mary's last name?

Christmas.

...and Happy Holidays, reddit.

I was planning to make a joke about sodium and hydrogen

But NaH. Happy holidays everyone!!

Is it any wonder that Santa is so jolly?

**He knows where all the naughty girls live...**

Note: Not even remotely OC, I heard this years ago, but I've been surprised that everyone I've shared it with this week had never heard it, so I figured what the heck, I'll post it. So Merry Christmas everyone! Or Happy Holidays. Or Whatever Yo...

They arrested a strange man coming down my chimney last night...

They said they had probable Claus.

---

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays reddit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can't have that TV until....

Long ago, a teenage kid went into an electronics store in New York. He really liked this TV and he wanted to buy it. Since his dad was very rich, he knew he could purchase it no matter what. So heads up to the store owner and asks him, "How much for that TV?" The store owner says, "That TV is not fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A North Pole story of Christmas traditions

It was not shaping up to be a Merry Christmas at the North Pole. Mr. Claus was buttoning his suspenders when an angel popped in out of nowhere, yelling "HEY SANTA!". That caused his fingers to lose grip, and the whole thing snapped him in the eye.

When he got out to the elves, they were all g...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.