Hanukkah Jokes - 18 Hilarious Hanukkah Jokes

Happy Hanukkah! Here's a Hanukkah joke:

**Q:** What did the candles say when the menorah complained about getting too hot?

**A:** Whoa, a talking menorah.

**Q:** Which hand is best to light the menorah with?

**A:** Neither, it's best to light it with a candle.

**Q:** What is the best H...

What's the difference between Hanukkahs and dragons?

Hanukkahs last eight nights, and dragons last ate knights.

Hanukkah stamps

A woman goes to the post office and asks to buy some Hanukkah stamps. The clerk asks: "What denomination would you like?" The woman thinks for a moment and says: "6 Orthodox, 4 Conservative, and 2 Reform."

UNAPPRECIATED HANUKKAH GIFT

A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.

As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Hanukkah.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his says, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

“She did,” he replies. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?

The Icebergs

Hanukkah joke

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.

As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, 'Aaron, what's the matter? You didn't like the other one?'

Imagine if your cell phone battery was on ten percent and it lasted for eight days..

Congratulations. You understand Hanukkah.

With Hanukkah upon us, how does a Jewish man prepare his tea?

Hebrews it.

I asked my dad if I could borrow 50 dollars to buy stuff for Hanukkah...

He said "40 dollars? What do you need $30 dollars for?"

"Happy Hanukkah" sounds nice because of the alliteration. We should do that for Christmas too.

Chrappy Christmas, everyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Contest! The Three Funniest Jew Jokes get a free Christmas hat [US & Canada Only]

We're jews over at Rally Flip Cap and we think Jewish jokes are hilarious. We also think ironic prizes are hilarious. So to celebrate Hanukkah we're going to giveaway 3 Merry Christmas hats!

The 3 most upvoted jokes get this hat for free, completely free, including the shipping, no hidden fe...

What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?

Jew-ish

What do you call it when Santa doesn't bring you any gifts?

Hanukkah

A son is visiting his mother the week after Hanukkah wearing one of the two sweaters she’d given him as a gift for the holiday.

As he walks into her house, instead of saying hello, the mother says, “What’s wrong? You didn’t like the other sweater I got you?”

My dad is Jewish but my mom is Christian so I’m half Jewish (oc)

Since I’m half Jewish I only get half of everything Jewish, 4 candles at Hanukkah, just a mitzvah, and such, as well as half the jokes. So, two rabbis walk into a bar

An old Jewish couple, Harry and Sadie, were married for 35 years but never got along...

...One day around this time of year, he says to her, "So? I suppose you'll be wanting a Hanukkah present?"

She says to him, "Harry, I want a divorce."

Harry says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an 8 day long blowjob?

Hanukkah Lewinski

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