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Sie Jokes

Foreign Language

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No resp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A russian and an american are in the baltic sea arguing about which one has better submarines

Russian: "Our submarines are the absolute top, you never find them and they can be submerged for weeks."

American: "Our subs can patrol all seas without any blind spots continously without you noticing and they can stay underwater for months."

Suddenly a german submarine that's worn-ou...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a man that looks like Adolph Hitler

sitting at the end of the bar. He walks up to him and asks "are you really Hitler?" The man stands up and says loudly, "Ja, ich bin Adolph Hitler. I killed 6 million Jews and 1 Mexican." The man says, "wait, why did you kill a Mexican?" Hitler says "Sehen Sie! See? That is what i mean, no one cares ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand.

The farmer says,
"Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die
kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm
geschissen," which means, 'Don't
drink the water, the cows and the
pigs shit in it'


The guy shouts back, "I'm a Trump
supporter, and this is America. I
don't understand your gibberi...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

Two british men are sitting at a bus stop...

When a man, clearly not from their town, comes up towards them.

"Parlez-vous Français?" The man asks the two Brits.

Confused, they stare blankly at the foreigner.

"Hablan ustedes Español?" The man tries again - still no reaction from the two men.

Frustrated, the foreign...

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the PEE is sie lent

Popular German "joke" in Belgium

Ask a german guy:

Q: Haben sie etwas verloren? (Did you lose something?)
A: "confused" Nein. (No)
Q: Jawohl, den krieg, zweimal! (Yes you did, the war. Twice!)

Proceed to buy him a drink :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dont drink the water...

An Amish Man is tilling his farm in Wisconsin, As he passes the local pond he sees a man with a tea bag hanging from his hat standing next to the water trying to reach in for a drink. The Amish man yells "Trinken Sie nicht, dass Scheiße die Kühe und Tiere, dass" Which means "Dont drink that its were...

The foreign tourist

Hank and Frank are walking down the street. A flustered-looking guy comes up to them and asks,

"Parlez-vous français?" (Do you speak French?)

They stare at him. He tries again,

"Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" (Do you speak German?)

They shrug.

"Hablas español?" (Do you spe...

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