Woody walks in on Little Bo Peep and Buzz Light year in the bedroom...

Woody, baffled, says "What is going on here??"

Bo Peep Replies: "You've got a friend in me?"

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What's your ringtone, peeps?

Mine's brown, like everybody else's!

What do you call a peeping Tom-Cat?

A purrrvert

What did Bo-Peep say to Woody when they were having a three way with Buzz Light-year?

You've got a friend in me.

Peeping Tom

Did you hear about the guy who got injured trying to be a Peeping Tom?
He's in the ICU.

since lil peep died....

would you say he's an underground rapper now?

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I peeped into a glory hole.

And I got cockeyed.

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What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the w...

An old Joke that used to make my friends laugh.

Disclaimer: I am using nationalities, but I mean no offense or disrespect.

3 men die and are sent to hell. American, Bhuddist monk and a russian. They meet the devil. The sevil says:

"I will allow you to leave and go to heaven, if you can endure 3 lashes from my whip without screaming...

What’s it called when a Peeping Tom is skilled in his game?

Peak Performance

What do a peeping Tom and Pokemon fanboy have in common?

Both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu!

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A girl wants to introduce her boyfriend, Maggot, to her parents

Maggot is this big biker dude. He has a leather vest, a bushy beard, and of course his pride and joy: a Harley-Davidson he keeps in pristine condition by polishing the chrome weekly and rubbing the saddle with vasoline whenever it rains.

So, at dinnertime, Maggot arrives at the parents' house...

A lovely Russian lady came up to the counter where I work and said "Please, I am looking for one night stand"

I had the shop shut up and the door locked before you could say knife, and we went to a bar for a couple of aperitifs, a nice restaurant, a club I know where they have a good floorshow, and then I took that lovely lady home and, being a gentleman, I will draw the veil of discretion over what followe...

A man gets sentenced to life in prison

On his first night there, his cell mate tells him there's a stand up comedy event.

They are sitting watching, and an inmate gets up and stands on the stage

"15", he calls out. The whole audience starts laughing.
"23", he continues. Hysterical laughter everywhere.

The man...

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confu...

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(Warning: No Punchline) A drunk is hauled in off the street and taken before the magistrate, who asks him to explain his drunken behavior.

”Well,” says the drunk, ”I had ten bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or I’d be in trouble."

”So I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass...

Someone was banging on my door yesterday and yelling "let me in, let me in". I went and had a look through the peep hole, and standing outside was a man dressed as a basin.

Just let that sink in.

I’m a nurse in a hospital’s children’s ward. One night, I was at the nurses’ station when I heard a little boy in his room talking. He kept the patter up for some time-

Finally, I got on the intercom and said softly but firmly, “All right, Johnny, it’s time to go to sleep now.” There was quiet in the room, and then he said, “OK, God, I will.” I didn’t hear a peep from him until late the next morning.
(True story)

To see a peeping tom at my window while I’m changing is frightening....

But it still hurts when they reach in and pull the curtains shut

Ukrainian mother-in-law joke

The morning after the wedding, the newlywed couple is sitting at the kitchen table when they are joined by the bride's mother. The husband, still slightly drunk from last night, decides that now is the proper time to display his manly authority.

He starts by calmly issuing his demands. "For b...

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What do a Bird Watcher and a Peeping Tom have in common?

They both loving hanging out in trees looking for Great Tits!

What is the difference between Lil Peep and Punk?

Punk´s not dead

Woman calls 911 about a peeping tom in her yard

911: "How do you know he's a peeping tom?"

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".

My sister is very unattractive.

About two days ago, a peeping tom reached in and pulled down her window shade.

An elderly married couple goes to the state fair...

They've been going to this fair since the fifties. Some time in the late sixties-early seventies the fair started offering helicopter rides.

Year after year, Ethel would ask Lester "Honey, can we go on a helicopter ride?"

Being brought up during the Great Depression his reply was alway...

Where do Peeping Toms with foot fetishes hold their annual conference?

Topeka, KS

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The vintage motorcycle.

A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper. When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says"

"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure ...

I Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clea...

My other grandfather was a peeping tom

he use to drill holes in the floor and spy on the people in the apartment below. He died recently but I kind of like thinking about him up there somewhere.....looking down on us.

There's an annual event for Peeping Toms this month

It's just around the corner

Two Leafs fans die and go to hell

The devil greets them at the gate and shows them to their new home. Having lived in northern Ontario their whole lives, the two men are excited to enjoy hell's warmer climate. They immediately shed a few layers and kick back with a couple cold beers. The devil, none too pleased with their enthusiasm...

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What do you call a Spanish peeping tom?

Señor Boobies.

A man walks into a bar holding a baby peep

A man walks into a bar holding a baby peep. There's only one more stool left, so he sits down next to a gruff, burly man. The burly man takes a look at the man and at his peep and asks gruffly "Who told ya you could sit there? Get up and leave!" The man thinks about this for a bit and says "This is ...

Did anybody hear about the the peeping Tom who was caught?

He was beaten up so badly they sent him to the ICU.

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What's the difference between a peeping tom and a rapist?

A rapist doesn't waste time beating around the bush

What kind of joke do peeping Toms like?

In-ya-window

A customer at work told me this the other day, thought I'd share!

A husband and wife have been married for about 50 years. And every year, a carnival comes to town where they have rides, games, and a pilot who offers rides for $10! Now, every year, the husband asks his wife if she'd like to do it. Her response is always, "no, because even though it's not that much...

My next door neighbour says I'm a bit of a looker.

Well, 'Peeping Tom' were the actual words she used.

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